10
Tessa
I’m trying not to crythinking of how many different ways this could go. What if Chris gets a lawyer and we have to go to court? Even with the money I’ve saved, it’s not enough to hire an attorney to fight it. The first thing they will look at is child support and probably ask why I never filed for it. Who the hell would want to take money from Chris? He would be given visitation and honestly I wanted to hold off on that for as long as possible. If I am honest and tell them everything, things I haven’t ever shared with anyone, then maybe they won’t. Everything is swirling around in my head, so much that a headache is coming on.
I know that he called, but never in a million years did I think Chris would show up at my house. Matter of fact, how the hell did he find out where we lived? This stumps me because literally no one knows. Why would he show up in person after all these years? I’ve been clear that Emily isn’t someone that he can just come see and leave for months at a time with no contact, and then show up again. I make the decisions for Emily’s well-being. She deserves someone who wants to be in her life and steps up to the plate. Not just when it’s convenient for them.
Damon sits down with me at the table in silence. I want to talk to him about it, but I’m stuck in my head with a million things swirling around.
“Are you okay?” he asks, his hand falling on top of mine. “That’s all I wanna know.”
My head shakes before dropping it to the table. What the hell am I going to do? I can’t afford a lawyer. Can he? I have no idea what his life is like now, without us. Maybe he’s just bluffing.
“I... don’t know what to do... or think. Was he being serious about getting a lawyer?” I scramble together my words. “I can’t afford one. He probably knows that so he’s trying to scare me into letting him see her. It’s not going to work. I’ll keep her away from him as long as I can until a judge tells me I have to.”
Damon sits there quietly, just listening to me ramble.
“I can’t even fathom what it might do if she sees him, develops a bond, and then he bolts again. The first time was hell, she cried for months, asking when he was going to come back...”
Going back to that day isn’t something I like to think about, but I do.
I just got home from work, a double shift at a diner the next town over, and was exhausted. He watched Emily while I worked, but he always complained, like it was too hard for him. We had been fighting more lately, but when he drinks, things tend to get a little out of control.
I took my shoes off at the door and hung up my coat. “Where is she?”
“In bed,” he replied, drinking a beer on the couch. “Don’t wake her. It took me an hour to get her to sleep.”
It had been a long day, and all I wanted to do was give Emily a big hug. He had been an asshole for months, but having a kid was hard. It wasn’t meant to be a cake walk.
“I’m serious, don’t go in there,” he said, standing in the hallway.
I opened the door and went inside anyway. He wasn’t my boss. I could do what I wanted.
The next thing I knew, bangs throughout the house were heard. If he didn’t want her to get woken up, then why the hell was he being so damn loud?
“What the hell? If anyone’s going to wake her up it’s you,” I yelled, noticing a bag packed by the door. “What the hell is that?”
“I’m done. This house is miserable, and I can't do it anymore.” He picked up the bag and opened the front door.
“You’re seriously going to leave in the middle of the night?”
“You leave me no fucking choice. I’ve been telling you to quit that job for weeks... yet you refuse. I can’t keep watching her for eight to twelve hours a day after I get off. I’m exhausted, and she does nothing but cry most of the time.”
As much as it pained me, I hoped he would come back. For Emily’s sake. But he didn’t. I tried calling for weeks but he didn’t return a single one. Him being gone meant no more bruises, and people at work were starting to ask questions.
Everything went downhill. I couldn’t find anyone to watch Emily while I worked, so we lost the apartment, and I lost my job. It got so bad I almost called my mom to go stay with her, but then I found the receptionist position for a dentist office, and things began to look up. After a couple weeks, I got a new apartment for just the two of us.
Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if he didn’t leave for good that night. What if he would’ve stayed? But then I realized that we weren’t happy and couldn’t stay together just for Emily. She’s the reason I stayed and took whatever he dished out, because I didn’t want my baby girl to grow up without her father. He never harmed her, but that didn’t mean he never would have if he stayed.
Damon brings me out of it, rubbing my shoulders, seeing me grimace at the bright light over the table.
“I’ll grab you some Tylenol and we can go lie down,” he says.
I’m not in the mood for anything tonight. Sitting here, I’m emotionally and mentally drained.
“Don’t worry. I just want to hold you. That’s all.”
Damon, even in this horrible situation, is there for me. He could have run for the hills, with Chris showing up. But he didn’t. That spoke wonders for his character.