“Mr. Damon is nice. He got this for us. We should thank him.”
“Maybe tomorrow. Go in there and try to get some sleep.”
“No TV?”
Emily has a nightly routine, watching Animal Planet on the couch. “Sorry, bug. Want to color until bed? I didn’t forget them...”
“No, I’m feeling tired. Good night, Mama,” Emily says, carrying her blanket to the bedroom and shutting the door.
After a few minutes, I can hear my little girl sobbing in the room.
A knock on the door startles me.
“It’s me. Can we talk, please?” Damon says.
I close my eyes and let out a soft sigh. “Come on in.”
Damon looks around. “Emily in bed?”
“Yes, she’s not too happy with me right now.”
He takes a seat on the couch, brushing his hands together. Just spit it out. “I need to talk to you.”
“It’s okay. We had sex. It doesn’t have to mean anything,” I say, offering some distance between us.
“No. That’s not it. I’m trying to find the right words,” Damon says, shooting his fingers through his hair. “The night Carol passed...”
“That’s the whole reason we’re here instead of at your house. Your wife was your best friend, lover, and the person you thought you would die next to...”
“Let me finish. The afternoon of her passing. She made me promise something.”
“What?”
“Not to run away from love or from someone who can help open my heart again. Honestly, I never thought I’d meet someone like that. Until I first saw you. Tonight opened my eyes to realize how much you and Emily mean to me. The thought of losing you pushed me over the edge. My life would never be the same without you. The two months you’ve been here have been the happiest I’ve been since Carol passed.”
I don’t utter a word or move a muscle. I just stand there like my feet are bricks of cement. Did he really just say that? Am I dreaming?
“I don’t expect you to come back to live with me. If we are going to start a relationship, then we should do it the right way. But I want you to know I’m all in.”
I still don’t utter a word.
Damon makes his way to the front door, opens it, and says, “Good night, beautiful.”
I want to run after him, but I don't. It’s a gigantic step for him, and even more so, moving on from Carol. I know how much he still loves her and that he always will. And I will never try to make him forget about her. She is a huge part of his life and the reason he is the man that I like.
A man like Damon is worth waiting for, and I know in my mind that eventually we can have a happily ever after. But rushing it could have detrimental consequences too.
***
WHEN MY ALARM GOESoff at five thirty, I haven’t slept a wink. A part of me also wonders why it takes us leaving for him to admit his feelings to himself. But then, thinking back to how his life was before we came along, he was alone.
Sitting on my couch, drinking my cup of joe, I miss him. Even the interaction with him while drinking our coffee every morning or the conversations over breakfast. It just isn’t the same without him around.
Sitting there, I know he will be awake by now. I pull out my phone and start typing him a message. I delete it twice and begin writing again.
Me: I want to give you some time. You feel you’ve made your decision. I get that. But...
Me: Emily is young, and she really likes you. I have to think about her feelings in this too.