All of this was happening incredibly fast. My feelings for him made my head spin, leaving me no time to absorb and adjust. I didn’t come to Aldrai in search of a man. I’d just lost a husband. I wasn’t ready for anything else so soon.
It felt as if I’d just crawled out of a car wreck and was already speeding down a highway on the way to what very well could be another disaster.
“It’s just way too fast,” I pleaded.
He pressed his forehead to my shoulder. “I’m afraid I can’t go slow with you. It’s like a frenzy that only taking you will calm.”
I stroked his back, my fingers trailing up and down the raised bumps over his vertebrae.
“I don’t think I can handle a frenzy, Xavran. It’s too much, too soon, and too...scary.”
He rolled off me onto his side. “I don’t want to scare you. But it is rather intimidating, isn’t it? The moment I met you, my feelings for you have been uncontrollable. Like a wildfire.”
That was exactly how being with him felt to me: wild, hot, and out of control.
I’d promised myself to be honest, so I told him the truth. “I don’t want whatever it is between us to burn out too quickly, leaving us with nothing but ashes. I care about you, but maybe...” I rose on my elbow to see his face better. “Maybe, we should take it slow. To see if something real is possible between us. What do you think?”
Xavran could never be just a fling. I’d never met anyone like him, and that wasn’t because he came from another planet. I’d seen the courage and integrity in him that I’d never seen in any other man.
I didn’t just want him, I admired him. He was someone worth getting to know. He was worth more. I could only hope he felt I was worth more too.
“What do you think?” I asked again, holding my breath in anticipation of his answer.
I’d never put myself out there like that before. But the idea of playing games made me sick to my stomach. The only thing I could do was to say it as it was.
The night was dark. Even the glowing insects had gone to sleep by now, shutting off their tiny golden lights. Only a handful of them still flickered faintly in the canopies of the trees above us, framed by the starry sky above.
Xavran’s eyes glistened in the darkness, unreadable like pools of black ink. “You want more than one night with me?”
I shook my head. “Nights are easy. I want to see how well you and I will keep handling the stress and worries of the days. And maybe sometime in the future, the two of us will decide to spend all our nights and days together.”
I searched his face, trying to guess his reaction. We hadn’t spoken about any of this before. Was I being too straightforward? Would he have preferred games to this kind of blunt honesty? I was sure many people would.
“Would that be something you want?” I asked tentatively.
He lifted his hand to my face, then gently moved away the strand of my hair that had fallen over my forehead.
“Taking it slow will be hard.” A corner of his mouth lifted, curving it into a crooked grin. “In the past decade, I thought I’d become a master of celibacy. But then you came along, and... Well, suddenly, all I can think of is sex. Every day, I try and fail not to imagine you naked. In my bed, on the grass, on the kitchen counter... With your legs spread open, and my tongue—”
I slammed my hand over his mouth. “This is the opposite of ‘taking it slow.’”
He chuckled, removing my hand from his face, then placed a gentle kiss in the middle of my palm.
“All I’m saying is that it’ll be hard.” He placed an emphasis on the last word, arching a brow ridge. “But I will master patience.”
“Really? You would?” I was afraid to believe he understood me and relieved that he did, at the same time.
He tied the belt of my bathrobe back for me. “I feel like I’ve waited for you all my life, Susanna. I don’t mind taking my time now that you’re here.”
My heart seemed to melt at his words, leaving me speechless.
He placed a kiss on the corner of my mouth. It was gentle and sweet—different from the wild frenzy of before but just as wonderful.
“It’s hard to trust again, isn’t it?” he asked with understanding.
I sighed. “Oh, you have no idea.”
“I think I do.”
He placed his head back on the pillow, and I curled up against his side. The tension drained from me. My muscles relaxed.
“Will you stay, anyway?” I murmured. “Just to sleep?”
He placed an arm over me, drawing me closer. “I’m not going anywhere. Not until tomorrow, at least.”
The morning seemed way too close now. Then, he’d leave.
I sighed, breathing in his warm, masculine scent.
“How is Mara?” he asked abruptly. “She seemed really upset.”
“She is upset, alright.” That was too mild a word to describe my sister’s freaking out. Livid, angry, furious—all would’ve suited better.
“She doesn’t like it here,” he stated.
Sadly, Mara never even tried to hide her dislike of Xavran or his home.
“I’m sorry she makes it way too obvious.”
“No need to apologize for her,” he assured me. “I’m afraid I don’t care enough about her opinion to feel offended. But I never meant to hold anyone against their will. Our contract stipulates one year, but it can be dissolved earlier if both parties agree to it.”
I shifted back. “You want to divorce her?”
“I don’t want her to be unhappy. If she wants to go back home, I’ll never hold her here.”
“But she can’t go back.” The confession poured out of me. “Neither of us can. If we do, we’ll be killed.”
He tensed. “Killed?”
I drew in a deep breath. “It’s a long story.”
“Tell me,” he demanded.
I hesitated. “I don’t want to trouble you with our problems...”
He jerked his head impatiently. “Susanna, if your life is at stake, is not just your problem. I need to know who is threatening you so I can protect you from them.”
God, that was so good to hear, to know that someone cared whether I was dead or alive.
“You’re already protecting me, Xavran. Thank you for opening your home to us. Sorry for not being open with you about this before.”
“Who wants to kill you?” he insisted.
“Bad guys.” A wave of former fear washed over me. My lip trembled, and I bit it down. “Very, very bad guys.”
“Why? What did you do?”
I drew in another long breath, then released it slowly. “I married the wrong man, Xavran. Mara introduced us. He was handsome and charming when we met. I fell in love quickly. We were married for less than a year, and I thought we had a great marriage. He apparently thought otherwise.”
The muscles in his jaw moved. “Did he hurt you?”