Diana managed to get her breathing back under control. “I wish I’d been able to make it work for your sake. Because I have never, for one single moment, regretted having you. I know your relationship with your father has never been easy. I have to take the blame for that.”
“You don’t!” Hanna protested, taking Diana’s hand in her own. Her skin was cold and papery. “It would have been so much worse if I’d lived there, and suffered everything you did.”
She looked over at her mother. She was staring out of the window, watching the birds perching in the bare branches of the tree to the left of the conservatory. They swooped down, landing in twos before flying off again to a higher branch. Their tiny wings fluttered as they moved.
“I broke your father’s heart. I turned him into a bitter, cynical man, and it was all my fault. I should have loved him enough to let him go before things went too far.” A tear ran down Diana’s cheek, leaving a shiny trail along her translucent skin. Hanna simply sat and held her hand, willing her own tears to dry up.
Wiping at her nose with a tissue, Hanna tried to get her feelings under control. There was so much they needed to say to each other over the next few days. They had so little time. Each second passing was a reminder she would soon be alone, and Diana would be just a memory. She decided to hide her mother’s words away for now, and reflect on them when she was ready. To think about them now would unplug the dam. She wasn’t ready for that.
She looked over at her mother. She was staring out of the window, watching the birds perching in the bare branches of the tree to the left of the conservatory. They swooped down, landing in twos before flying off again to a higher branch. Their tiny wings fluttered as they moved.
“I broke your father’s heart. I turned him into a bitter, cynical man, and it was all my fault. I should have loved him enough to let him go before things went too far.” A tear ran down Diana’s cheek, leaving a shiny trail along her translucent skin. Hanna simply sat and held her hand, willing her own tears to dry up.
Wiping at her nose with a tissue, Hanna tried to get her feelings under control. There was so much they needed to say to each other over the next few days. They had so little time. Each second passing was a reminder she would soon be alone, and Diana would be just a memory. She decided to hide her mother’s words away for now, and reflect on them when she was ready. To think about them now would unplug the dam. She wasn’t ready for that.
SLEEP WAS AN elusive commodity for her those days; she spent most of the night chasing it, and most of the following day craving it. That night, she managed to fall off sometime after 4:00 a.m. A few hours later, she was woken by the dipping of the mattress. She was so groggy it took some moments for her to realize Richard was lying next to her, still wearing his suit and his tie, his head resting on the pillow as he gazed at her.
“Hi.” His voice was a whisper as her eyes opened and stared at him.
“I’m so s
orry I didn’t meet you at the airport—”
“Hush, you needed to get some sleep.” He placed a gentle finger over her mouth. She kissed it, watching his face as he stared back at her, unable to mask his concern as he took in her thin frame and drawn expression. “My father picked me up; we even managed to grab a spot of breakfast before he dropped me off.”
“That’s nice.”
“He sends his love. They want us to join them for dinner tomorrow night, if you’re up for it.”
“I don’t know; I may have to be with Mum.”
He pulled her toward him, until her body lay over his. Her leg hooked around his thigh, and her arm stretched out across his chest. She closed her eyes and nuzzled into the fabric of his suit, smelling the aroma of the wool mixed with the sandalwood of his cologne.
“We’ll just play it by ear, okay?” His words were soothing, and she closed her eyes and submitted to their soft cadence. “We’ll do what we need to do, and I’ll let them know one way or another. It doesn’t matter, none of this does.”
She could feel his breathing; his chest gently rising and falling, making her head move up and down. Without thinking, she undid the buttons of his jacket and laid her ear against the thin fabric of his shirt until she could hear his heartbeat hammering against his chest. The heat of his body seeped through the cotton, warming her cheek, awakening feelings she’d been suppressing for weeks.
Lifting her head up, she shuffled until her face was next to his, their eyes so close it was impossible to stare into them without everything going blurry. Her chest was pressed against him. The need to feel more shot through her body like a cannonball.
Suddenly she couldn’t get enough.
Her kiss wasn’t gentle. It was hard and fierce, and took him by surprise. She could feel his eyelids flutter against her face as he opened them and stared at her, trying to work out what she was doing. For the last few months, whenever they had been together, she had found herself unable to do more than hold him, and give him gentle kisses and soft embraces. Sex had been out of the question.
But now, she could feel her whole body tingling as she pushed her tongue against his lips, dancing along the skin until he parted them and touched it with his own. He kissed her back until they were both finding it hard to breathe. She didn’t pull away. Instead she put her hand around his head and pulled him closer until she could feel her lungs start to burn.
It was Richard who broke the kiss, unable to speak through his harsh breaths. A flush of embarrassment covered his cheekbones when he glanced down and saw his erection was digging in to her hip.
“I’m sorry.” He could barely meet her eyes as he spoke, instead gazing over her shoulder at the blue wallpaper.
Hanna silently placed her hand under his chin, adjusting his face until his gaze met hers. She watched as a look of confusion washed over his features. When she was sure he was looking at her, she leaned in again, brushing her lips gently against his, increasing the pressure until he could feel the desperation seeping through her every pore.
Her hands tugged at his shirt, pulling it from his pants. She reached inside and touched the skin of his stomach. The sensation of her gentle hands against his abdomen did nothing to calm his reaction to her, making him almost painfully hard.
She unbuttoned his shirt, pulling at his trousers, peeling her own pajamas off with shaking hands. Her heart raced as she felt her flesh against his, her response to his naked body visceral and intense.
“Are you sure? I feel like I’m forcing myself on you,” Richard whispered.
Hanna pulled him on top of her, her hands reaching for him, circling around him as she tried to line him up with her body. “You’ve got that the wrong way round.” Her eyes closed as she felt him enter her, gliding through her until he was all the way in. “I need this, Richard. I need you, please don’t stop.”