The way he said it made Cesca’s chest feel tight. As though she was being squeezed right across her ribcage. She took another sip, aware of his scrutiny. Enjoying it, even.
‘It doesn’t really matter whose fault it was that the play folded,’ she said, all too aware of the atmosphere growing between them. ‘What happened afterwards was all my fault.’
‘What did happen afterwards?’ His brows knitted together as he frowned.
‘I let myself wallow,’ she admitted. ‘It’s understandable at first, allowing yourself to mourn the success you thought you’d have. But not for as long as I did. I’d wanted to be part of the theatre for so long, that when it was taken away from me I just gave up. I had no Plan B.’
‘What about your family? Didn’t they try to help?’
‘They didn’t know. They just think I’m a bit flighty, a bit weird. None of them have seen where I live or know how many different jobs I’ve done. And they definitely didn’t know how poor I was.’
‘How could they not know? You’re close to them, aren’t you? I hardly see my family, but they seem to know everything about me. I can’t get them out of my business.’
‘For a start, my life isn’t splashed across a dozen gossip websites.’ She noticed Sam grimace when she said that. ‘And though we’re close, none of my sisters live in London any more. My dad wouldn’t know what day it is, let alone begin to wonder how I can afford to live in London when I barely have a penny to my name.’
‘You’ve got three sisters, right? There’s four of you, like in your play?’
‘That’s right,’ Cesca told him. ‘Two older, one younger.’
He raised his eyebrows. ‘I thought two sisters were bad enough.’
‘Yours are both younger, right?’ Cesca’s smile was genuine. It was a relief to turn the subject away from her own woes.
‘Yes. I was nine when Izzy was born, then Sienna came two years later. I’d been an only child for so long, it was a relief to finally have some company.’
‘You get on well with them, then?’
She loved the way Sam’s face turned softer as he thought of his siblings. ‘They’re great. And for some reason they think the sun shines out of my ass. Though I have to admit I think the same about them.’
‘I hero-worshipped my older sisters, too. Still do, really. Lucy was more of a mother than a sister when we were growing up, after our own mum died. And Juliet – she’s the second oldest – well, she was always the beautiful and glamorous one.’
‘What about your younger sister?’
‘Kitty? She’s a bit like me. Everybody says we look similar, at least, though she’s never shown any interest in writing. She lives in LA now, you might even have passed her in the street.’ She winked.
‘I think I’d remember bumping into someone who was as beautiful as you are.’
His words took her breath away. They seemed to slide off his tongue so naturally, yet their impact was like a shot of adrenalin, making the blood speed through her veins.
‘So is Kitty an actress?’ Sam carried on, as if he hadn’t just given her the sweetest compliment.
‘No, she’s a student and a nanny. She loves children and she loves LA. She’s living the dream.’
Sam grinned at her. ‘You look very happy about that.’
‘Well it’s not often you hear about somebody getting what they wish for, is it? Kitty’s always been searching for something more. I just hope it all works out for her.’
Sam scooped a forkful of lamb from his plate. ‘So do I.’
By the time the meal was over, Cesca was uncomfortably full. After the lamb they’d eaten a salad, and then a delicious plate of local cheese and fruit, followed by dessert. With each course she’d tried a different wine, and though she’d tried to limit herself, her head was feeling fuzzy, her body relaxed and soft. Even the pungent cup of espresso Alfredo brought out to end the meal did nothing to sober her up. So when Sam pulled out her chair and offered her his hand, she took it gratefully, letting him lead her back around the edges of the restaurant.
It was only when they reached the car that she realised that at some point he’d put his arm around her waist, his hand resting lightly on her hip. She leaned into him, liking the way he felt so strong, so sturdy, trying not to notice the warm aroma of cologne that made him smell so masculine.
‘Thank you for such a lovely meal,’ she told him, still resting against his chest. Sam tightened his hold on her, fingers digging into her skin.
‘It was a pleasure.’
‘I definitely had a bit too much wine.’