“Sleeping with him was my first real shot at pushing away my upbringing. I don’t think I’d ever felt alive before that festival. Not in a real way. But that week, it felt like I was finally waking up from a really long sleep. Surrounded by people who loved what they did.” She pulled her lip between her teeth. “I guess lived for what they did, would be a better way of putting it. And there was no stigma attached to being with somebody. No expectation that you’d have to marry them or date them or do anything but feel good with them.” She shook her head, a wry smile pulling at her lips. “A few months later, I found out I was pregnant.”
“Did you keep in touch with the father?”
She shook her head. “It was a one week thing. I think we both knew that. So I contacted his management to try to get him the message.”
“Did you hear back from him?”
“Yeah. He sent me his lawyer’s details. Asked me to get in touch about child support.” She swallowed.
Rich blinked. “Did you?”
Meghan shook her head. “I never filed any papers. But I sent a photo and her birth details after we got out of the hospital.”
“Did he reply?”
“No. His lawyer paid the hospital bills, but that was the last I heard from him.”
“What an asshole.” Rich shook his head, his fingers curling into his palm. “Who does that?”
“I guess I could have pushed it, but part of me didn’t want to. I don’t want to force somebody to be Isla’s father. And I don’t want to demand his money. I was lucky that my grandma left me a trust to help keep a roof over our heads and buy the business.”
“But Isla knows who he is?”
“She knows she has a daddy, and that he’s busy traveling the world. When she’s older I’ll explain more, and when she’s eighteen she can contact him if she wants to. In the meantime, I’ll try and be Mom and Dad to her.”
“Is that why you keep in touch with your parents? To give her some kind of father figure?”
“One of the reasons. I told you that I needed to know she’d be safe if something happened to me. That’s one of my biggest fears. Knowing they love her makes it a little easier.”
“Yeah. I completely understand that.” He inhaled softly. “Single parents are amazing.”
She blinked. “Thank you. That means a lot. I know everybody expected me to fail. Not just my parents, but the women I was in the hospital with, the grandparents who would visit and send sympathetic looks at me, the nurses, even. But when it comes to having a kid you can’t fail. Because they’re the ones who pay the price.”
“Can I ask you something else?” He put his wine glass on the table.
“Of course.”
“Why were you so embarrassed when Isla asked about me being her dad? Some of my friends who work on the pediatric floor get that a lot, especially from kids who don’t have a dad. It’s normal, nothing to be embarrassed about.”
She looked down at her hands. “I guess I was worried you’d think I’d primed her or something. That I was trying to corner you into something you didn’t want. Maybe I was scared you’d think I was like Carlyn.”
“You’re absolutely nothing like Carlyn. And I didn’t think that at all. I thought it was sweet. I like Isla, she’s a good kid. I like spending time with you both.”
“You do?” Their eyes met. He felt a warmth wash over him. She was as afraid of this thing as he was. No wonder, all she’d experienced in life was people trying to control her or abandon her. Nothing in between. They were two sides of the same coin. She was afraid of relationships because they meant being controlled. And he was afraid because they meant being out of control.
Maybe Belle was right. It was time to say the way he felt.
“Yeah, I do. And I want to spend more time with you.”
She smiled shyly. “I want to spend more time with you, too. But I have to think of Isla. She’s already confused and I don’t want to confuse her anymore.”
“We can take it slow.” He could feel the need for her building inside him. Not just a sexual need, though that was strong enough. The need to be with her. To talk with her. To know that she was his. It was like his talk with Belle had flipped a switch, and now he was all in.
“It’d have to be tortoise paced. I don’t know if that’s fair on you.” Her cheeks flushed. “I feel really stupid saying that, since we’ve already had sex. But it’s true. I have to guard her heart, and guard my own.”
“This isn’t just about sex for me.” His voice was low. “If it was purely about sex, I wouldn’t be here now, because I know how complicated this could get.”
“You do?”