But this evening his compartmentalization was sorely lacking. His hands were shaking, his chest felt tight, and no matter how much he tried to bury his thoughts they kept rising right up, refusing to be buried.
She was having his baby.
There was something he hadn’t considered when he’d gotten out of bed this morning. Not even when Caitie Russell had mentioned her friend to him and pointed out who she was. Until the moment the words had escaped from Harper’s lips he’d been oblivious.
It would be funny if he could find the will to laugh. The one time he’d let himself break all the rules, he’d ended up here. And now he had no idea what to do next.
He looked up from the patient chart he’d been staring at for the last ten minutes to see Rich leaning over him, a grin on his face.
“How long have you been there?” James asked, his brows knitting together. He hadn’t even heard him walk up to the desk.
“Long enough.” Rich shrugged. “You doing okay, man? I thought you were on days this week.”
“I am.”
Rich glanced at his watch. “But it’s almost ten. You’ve been here for fourteen hours.”
“Fifteen.”
“And you’re due back at eight?”
“Yep.” But he’d get here earlier, he always did.
“You should go home, get some sleep. You look like you’re almost there anyway.” Rich shook his head. “You sure you’re okay?”
James shrugged. “It’s been a long day.”
“All the more reason to get home. Eat some food, go to bed, and do it all over again tomorrow.”
Home. It felt like somewhere he hadn’t been for the longest of times. Three years, to be precise. “Yeah…”
“What’s eating you?” Rich sat on the corner of the desk and folded his arms. “I’m on a break so you’ve got ten minutes to spill.”
“I got a girl pregnant,” James told him, the words spilling out of their own accord.
“What?” Rich started to laugh. “Who? How? What is it, the second virgin birth? You haven’t slept with anybody since Sara. I should know, I’ve been trying to get you laid.”
“It was one time,” James said, rolling his eyes at himself because as a doctor he knew once was enough. He’d done a stint in obstetrics during his training. He’d heard all the stories. “It’s a girl I met at the party we went to a few months back.”
Rich tipped his head to the side. “So who is she? When did you find out? Shit man, I have a lot of questions here.”
“Her name’s Harper. She told me today, and she lives in Angel Sands.”
“Have the two of you been dating?” Rich asked, leaning forward.
James shook his head. “I haven’t seen her since that night. Until today.”
Rich let out a low whistle. “So what are you going to do?”
“Don’t you think I’ve done enough?” James asked, raising an eyebrow.
Rich laughed. “Well sure, but now the real fun begins, right? You’ve done the dad thing before. You know how it works.”
Immediately James’s thoughts went to Jacob. To his crumpled newborn face with those bright blue eyes. He’d come out with his fists curled up as though he was ready for a fight, and from the moment James had first seen him he’d fell in love.
And then he’d lost him and Sara, and everything went dark.
The thought of ever feeling that kind of pain again made him want to hide away. He’d spent the last three years bricking up the hole they’d left in his heart, unwilling to let it be breached again. He lived, he breathed, and he had a heart made of brick. That was the price he paid for surviving.