Van sat on the sofa, her knees against her chest, her arms wrapped around her calves, as Tanner took a sip of black coffee.
He’d insisted on sitting in the recliner on the other side of the room. She knew why. Every time they were close they ended up touching each other. They nearly stripped each other in the kitchen as she filled the coffee filter.
Her eyes met his. “Shall we talk?”
“Can I go first?”
Van nodded.
He put his coffee mug down on the table. “First of all, I want to say I’m sorry. Not just for the other night, though that was bad enough. But for every time I’ve walked away from you. It’s happened more than it ever should’ve. And I can promise you that whatever happens between us, I’ll never be the one to walk away again.” He looked up at her, his expression serious. “I’m in love with you, Van Butler. And I never want to hurt you.”
“Okay,” she said softly.
“And we need to talk about what happened between us when you came to Duke. We should have talked about it weeks ago.”
“I didn’t want to talk about it. It hurt too much,” she whispered.
“I know. And I didn’t want to either. But maybe those things that hurt are the things we should be talking about. The things that matter to us. And what happened between us matters, Van. Because it ruined both of our lives. It didn’t have to, but we let it. Because we refused to talk it through.”
“That makes sense.”
“Yeah, it does.” He nodded. “And I want you to know that girl meant nothing. I was a kid, I was angry, and I needed someone to hold me. As soon as I did it, I knew she was the wrong someone.”
“We weren’t together then. It wasn’t like you were cheating.”
“Yeah, well tell my heart that. Because it’s always been yours. And I never want to be with anybody but you. I’ve never stopped regretting that night. Everything about it. It should never have happened, and that’s all my fault. I’m so damn sorry I hurt you.” He winced at the memory. “But the thing I hate the most is that I froze and let you walk away. I’m never going to do that again.”
“It was my fault, too,” Van told him. “I’m the one that lied to you. I told you I didn’t want you anymore. I think that’s why it hurt so bad seeing you with her. I pushed you away. I hated myself for it, and the only person I could take it out on was you.”
“I don’t want you to lie to me,” he told her. “The truth, no matter how painful, is so much better than lies. Even little white ones that you think are protecting me.”
Her eyes watered. “I’m so sorry for hurting you. Ten years ago and now.”
Those words made his chest tighten. He hadn’t realized how much he needed to hear that, too.
“It’s okay,” he told her. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I just want you to let me take care of you. I don’t need anything else. I want you to let me through your barriers. For you to be more honest with me than you’ve been with anybody. Including yourself.” He looked down at his hands. “And in return, I promise you that I won’t walk away. Not even when you push me as hard as you can. I’ll fight for you, Van. Every damn time. Because you’re worth fighting for. But you’ve got to let me in. I can’t break down your barriers if you don’t help me. And I want to pull them away, one by one.”
“I was scared,” she said quietly. “So scared that if I let you in you might not like what you see.”
His eyes met hers. “I love what I see. I love you. Every beat of my heart feels like it belongs to you.”
Her breath caught in her throat, but she didn’t pull her gaze away. She could feel the hot pulse of her blood as they stared at each other, the air crackling with electricity. She parted her lips, a soft sigh escaping from them, before she took a long, deep breath.
“I love you, too,” she whispered. “So much.” She’d never said it before. Not to anybody. For so long love had meant weakness in her world. But now she knew it didn’t. It brought a strength that no army could break down. It was solid. It was true.
It was everything.
Tanner took a deep breath in, his eyes flashing. “Say it again,” he said, his voice ro
ugh.
“I’m in love with you.” This time her voice was loud. True. “I’ve loved you since the first time you knocked me over. And I’ll love you until I die. Until we both do. And I pray with everything I’m worth that it’ll be curled up together, all wrinkled with kids older than we are now.”
He squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them again, his stare dark and full of meaning. “Come here,” he said gruffly. “I fucking need you.”
He didn’t need to ask twice. A normal person would have walked around the coffee table, along the wall to the chair. But not Van. She leaped onto the table, ready to cross it to him, but he stood, scooping her off it, lifting her until their lips clashed together, and she was curled around him like a monkey.
“Enough talking,” he muttered, carrying her out of the living room and down the hallway, kicking her bedroom door open and walking inside.