“He doesn’t mean it, you know.”
Gray looked up to see Aunt Gina standing at the back door. From the look on her face, Gray knew she’d heard every word.
“Yeah he does.”
She shook her head. “He loves you, Gray. But he has no idea how to show it. It scares him.”
Gray wanted to laugh. “Nothing scares him.”
“Some things do. Losing your mom scared him so bad he never let himself open up again. He pushes you away because he’s scared you’re going to leave anyway. This way he can tell himself it’s what he wants.”
“That’s fu… I mean, that’s crazy.”
Aunt Gina ignored his almost-swearing. “It’s who he is. He never got over your mom’s death.” She sighed.
“Yeah, well maybe he should have. That way he wouldn’t make everybody else’s life hell.”
“If you think yours is hell, imagine losing the one person who was everything to you. Your soul mate. Then imagine having to stay in the same house and seeing her face in the expressions of your five children. Imagine having to watch them cry and hold in your own tears because those little children need stability.” She reached out to stroke the side of his face. “I know he’s no angel. And that he’s impossible when he talks to you. But he did his best for you. We both did. But sometimes it isn’t good enough.”
He hated seeing the sadness in her eyes. Gray pulled her close and hugged her tight. “You were more than good enough,” he said gruffly.
“Maybe one day you’ll be able to talk to your dad without butting heads and tell him the same,” she suggested when he released her.
“Maybe,” he told her. “But I wouldn’t bank on it.”
The smallest of smiles curled her lips. “Maybe is good enough for me.”
* * *
“Why is everything so much easier when I’m with you?” Gray murmured, pressing his lips against Maddie’s hair. It was almost eleven, and they were sitting in her backyard in one of the old Adirondack chairs. When he sat down, she’d gone to sit in the other one, but he’d pulled her into his lap instead, telling her he needed to feel her. And yeah, maybe she’d needed a little of that, too.
“Because the rest of the world is full of assholes.”
He chuckled. “Truth. Wherever I go, I can’t seem to escape them.”
“Me either. I hear my sister paid you a visit earlier.” Though her voice was light, those words laid heavy on her chest.
“Yeah, she did. But I have no idea why. She said a few strange things then left as quickly as she arrived.”
Maddie turned in his arms until she was facing him. She’d never get sick of looking at his beautiful face. Deep blue eyes, high cheekbones, strong, square jaw. The face that melted a million women’s hearts. “What kind of strange things?”
He brushed his lips against hers, making her spine tingle. “She said that New York almost killed you.”
Maddie’s mouth went dry. “She did?”
“Yeah.” He frowned. “What did she mean? Why did going to Ansell nearly kill you?”
She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, not wanting to look at him. “It’s old news,” she said softly. “I had a bad experience and wanted to come home.”
“A bad experience? With who? Was it one of your teachers?”
Her ribcage felt like a tightly closed door. He was prodding, trying to pry it open, and part of her wanted to let him. The other part? It knew that once he opened it she was going to have to deal with him knowing the truth. She wasn’t sure she was ready for that. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
“I had a boyfriend,” she said, her voice thin. “And something happened between us that really hurt me. And everybody knew about it. People were whispering about me in the hallways. In the end, all I wanted to do was come home.”
Gray slid his hands around her waist, as though he was protecting her. “What did he do?”
She buried her face against his shoulder. “It doesn’t matter. It’s old history.” She took a deep breath, trying to center herself. She didn’t want to think about those memories now. Not while she was in his arms.