I shake my head, floored by this secret, rather awesome side of them. “Do you think Mom and Dad are like this, too? That they actually get along really well when they’re alone and don’t fight like cats and dogs all the time?”
Lauren turns back to me, cocking her head thoughtfully. “Um…no. I think they like the fighting. I think that’s their version of foreplay. They probably slap each other around and wrestle a little before they bang against the walls.”
“Ew,” I say, swallowing hard as bile rises in my throat all over again.
“You asked,” Lauren reminds me.
“I know, I’m making a mental note never to do that again.” I set the bag of coffee and pastries on the bureau and then back toward the door. “For you guys. Enjoy at your leisure. And please tell the family I had to go back to the city for work or school or something and make my apologies when you see them?”
“Where are you going?” Lauren asks.
“I need to find Derrick. He left a few minutes ago.”
Her forehead furrows and worry fills her eyes. “Oh no, did you two have a fight?”
“Something like that, but hopefully it’s not too late to make everything okay again.” I pause by the door leading to the adjoining room and jab a thumb that direction. “The kids aren’t in there, are they?”
Lauren shudders. “Oh my God, of course not. They had a sleepover in Mom and Dad’s suite last night.”
My shoulders sag. “Good. That’s good. And Derrick and I are going to be good. I think. I hope.”
“Then we’ll hope, too,” Chuck says. “We’re on your side, Lo. And we’re here for advice any time you need us.”
I nod, touched. “Thanks, guys.” I motion back and forth between them. “So you get back to…whatever this is, and I’ll see you later.”
Chuck waves. “Later!”
“Later, love you.” Lauren wiggles her fingers before pointing one at my chest. “And seriously, lips zipped about this.”
“Got it, totally zipped.” I mime locking my lips and throwing away the key and slip back through the door. Once in the hallway, I pull in a bracing breath, but I don’t head to the valet station to call a taxi to take me to the train station just yet.
I have one more stop first.
Down on the first floor, I knock on Gram’s door, knowing she’ll be awake. She hasn’t slept past five a.m. since I was a tiny kid.
Sure enough, she opens the accessible door with a push of a button. It swings open to reveal Gram already dressed in a Rudolph sweater and a red sock cap that brings out the pink in her cheeks. She’s using her walker instead of her wheelchair—it’s fine for moving around at home or in her hotel room—and looks positively spry this morning.
It makes me hate to cut our visit short, but she’ll understand.
Especially once I come clean…
“Gram, I’m a dirty liar,” I say, my throat tight again. “But I want to come clean. And I need your advice. Big-time.”
She nods, seemingly unsurprised. “Of course, honey. Come in and we’ll figure everything out together. No doubt in my mind.”
I step inside and into her arms, hoping she’s right.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Derrick
Upon arriving home, I do a load of laundry, watch ESPN long enough to catch highlights from Ian’s latest game with his new team, and whip up lunch for the next week. I’m not going into the office anymore, obviously, but meal prep is a habit by now.
And it gives me something to do to keep my mind off how shitty I feel.
I would think I was coming down with something if I didn’t know this feeling from the last time I had a broken heart. Muscle aches, a throbbing head, and a stomach tied in knots are apparently how my body processes heartbreak.
But this is even worse than with Ava.
I can barely force down a grilled chicken sandwich for lunch and by dinner I have no appetite at all. But hopefully Evie won’t notice that I’m only able to force down one slice of pizza compared to my usual five or six. Or maybe a couple of beers will relax my stressed-out gut—and my head while they’re at it.
As the son of an alcoholic, I’m always wary of using alcohol irresponsibly, but surely, it’s okay to try to drink the pain away for one night.
Even though I already know it won’t work…
When I wake up tomorrow, this grief will still be there. It’s going to stay with me for a long time. I didn’t realize how much Harlow meant to me until she kicked me out of her life without a backward glance.
I should have kept my fucking walls up until I knew it was safe to let them fall.
That’s my fault, not hers.
I was reckless. Naïve. Just plain…stupid.