I reach over, pressing my hands gently on each side of her face. “Look at me, Callie. Really look at me. The reason Junie and I never went anywhere is because she knew. She knew.”
“Reed—”
“She knew I loved you. That I would always love you.”
“Reed…”
“I drank too much, we kissed, and I let my defenses down. I let her see what was in my heart.”
“Please stop,” she whispers.
“You, Bluebird. You were there. Hell, you’ve always been in my heart.” I watch as tears form and slowly slide from the corner of her eyes. I lean in and kiss them away, the wet drops sliding against my lips and the saltiness marking me. “Don’t cry, honey.”
“We shouldn’t be having this conversation.”
“We should have had it five years ago.”
“You deserve better. I’m not…”
“You’re what I want.”
“I’m not whole.”
“Sweetheart, life is hard. We’re all broken in some form or another. Look around you. That’s just the way it is. The only thing you can do is move forward and hope that one day you manage to find someone who makes the broken pieces feel—”
“Please, don’t tell me that I’m supposed to feel whole, Reed. I’m never going to feel whole again.”
“I was going to say you need to find someone whose broken pieces match yours. Someone who makes you feel safe enough to reveal how broken you are.”
“You make it sound so simple. It’s not easy, Reed. Sometimes it is just not possible.”
“What if it is that simple, sweetheart?”
“I don’t know what you mean?”
“Have the past five years been good for you, Callie? Have you been happy? Because I sure as hell haven’t, Bluebird, and I’ve lived a life most people would kill for.”
“I’ve been safe,” she defends, her face looking tortured. I brush my thumbs across her cheeks, still holding her face, while leaning my forehead against hers.
“Baby, listen to what you’re saying. This is me you’re talking to. You are safe with me. I would cut off my arm before I hurt you.”
“But I can’t be enough. I can’t….”
“You’re already enough. I’m asking you to believe in me, Callie—to believe we are enough together.”
“Do you remember when we talked about going slow, Reed?”
I grin, bringing my lips to hers and kissing her very lightly. I nibble gently on her bottom lip, my eyes open so she can look at me.
“It’s all going to be okay, baby.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“I am. You’ll see,” I promise, praying I’m right.
For both of us.
CHAPTER 27
Callie
“It’s going to be okay, isn’t it, Callie?”
“For the tenth time this morning, it’s going to be okay,” I tell Katie, while holding her arms and trying to calm her yet again.
“Why doesn’t it feel like it’s going to be okay?” she asks—her voice laced with panic.
“It’s just premarital jitters. You’ll feel better when we all begin walking down the aisle.”
I’m trying to reassure her, but there’s a chance I’m not helping at all. The truth is I’m a mess myself. After my date with Reed—which I still can’t believe happened—all I seem to do is panic and talk myself off a ledge. I’ve been doing it over and over. It’s kind of a rinse and repeat kind of thing.
“Really?”
“Yes, really!” I lie because I’m thinking it all goes way beyond jitters at this point.
“You’re lying. You always blink extra when you’re lying. Plus, there’s the fact that we’re going to be marching down the aisle any minute.”
“Maybe try a different word besides marching,” I suggest delicately.
“Callie…”
“Take a breath, Katie. When you start walking toward Jeff and see him waiting for you with Lennon by his side, everything will be fine. You’ll see.” As I’m talking, I’m praying I’m right. I haven’t felt great about this marriage since the beginning. It’s not my call to make, however. It’s Katie’s.
“The forecast wasn’t calling for rain,” she continues. “It was supposed to be sunny and beautiful for my wedding.”
She sounds so sad that I physically hurt for her. I remember what it was like to dream of the perfect wedding day. I didn’t have one and knew going in it wasn’t ever going to be that. That’s only fitting because I married Lucifer. Still, Katie’s sadness isn’t about the weather—not really. This is about her and Jeff. But I can’t say that to her. That’s the last thing she needs to hear.
“It’s not raining, sweetheart,” I point out.
“No, there’s just a gigantic black cloud literally looming over the entire wedding. Jesus! At this point we need outside lights turned on.”
“It’s not that bad, Katie,” I laugh. It is bad, but it’s not as drastic as she’s making it sound.
“Callie. I need to call this off.”
“If you want to call it off, I will support you a hundred and ten percent. I will go out there and tell them there’s been a change of plans and send Jeff in here to talk with you.”