This is not what I wanted to do here. I didn’t come down here to cry at my father’s bedside. I sure as hell didn’t come here to cry for myself.
I glance over my shoulder toward the closed door. Avery leans against the wall on the opposite side of the corridor, her face turned askance, granting me the privacy she promised.
I didn’t have a plan for what I would say to him, or even what I hoped to hear. I still don’t know why I’ve come, other than to prove to her that I could.
For her—for us—I would do anything. I want to. But I can’t do this.
Not in front of him, even if he doesn’t realize I’m here.
I can’t do this in front of her.
Now that I’m in here, all I want to do is get the hell out of the room.
“Shit.” Shamed, I turn my face into my arm, drying my cheek on the short sleeve of my shirt. “You win, Dad. You were right. I’m a fucking pussy, just like you always said.”
I turn away from the bed and stalk out of the room on a harsh curse.
“Nick?” Avery’s confused, then disappointed look as I exit to the hallway just about kills me.
I don’t pause to explain. I can’t. “I need to get out of here.”
“Okay.”
She falls in at my side, hurrying along with me as my feet guide me on a swift, urgent path out of the building. I don’t breathe again until I’m in the parking lot.
Then, once I’m out of the medicinal stench of the building, all of the air in my lungs explodes out of me in a violent, wracking sob.
Chapter 25
Nick’s hands seem frozen to the steering wheel of our rental. The engine of the Porsche is running, but we haven’t yet left the nursing home parking lot. He’s barely uttered a word since we got into the car.
I’ve been quiet, too, giving him time to process. Waiting for him to decide it’s safe to open up and let me in. All I know is that his father slept through the brief visit. Nick almost seems relieved by that fact. Based on how distressed he was when he came out of the room, I can only imagine how difficult it would be for him to face the man when he was awake.
My heart still reverberates with the sound of his soul-wrenching sob. I want to hold him, but all I see when I look at him now is his urge to escape. His mind seems fixed on a point that’s somewhere a million miles away from where he and I sit.
Or maybe not that far at all.
I think he’s still trapped in a place located somewhere back in the Keys. One Nick thought he’d left behind him when he was eighteen years old.
I look at him and I’m terrified that he’ll remain trapped in that awful place forever.
“We should go,” he murmurs without looking at me.
When he puts his hand on the gearshift, I cover his fingers with mine. “Go where?”
“Home. Back to New York. I’ll phone ahead to my pilot so he can file a flight plan for us.”
“Nick.” I keep my hold on his hand, giving him no choice but to look at me. “I don’t think leaving right now is a good idea.”
“I sure as hell don’t want to stay here.”
“I know,” I offer gently. “But I think you have to. This isn’t over. It won’t be until you put all of your demons to rest.”
He scoffs. “The only demon I have left to contend with is the shriveled bastard lying in that nursing home. Far as I’m concerned he’s right where he belongs. And now I want us to go back to where we belong.”
“I can’t do that, Nick.”
His face hardens, brows coming together in a scowl. “I need you to.”