I don’t know whether I’m meant to talk first or wait for him to. So I stay silent. Afterall, he said he wanted to talk.
Taking a deep breath, I turn my body to face him before my gaze trails over him. I take in his side profile, the muscle ticking in his jaw, the scruff lining his cheeks, down his tensed arm to his hand gripping the steering wheel.
“I need you to be honest with me,” he murmurs, still not looking at me. “Because I can’t keep doing this.”
“Doing this?” I ask, frowning. When he doesn’t answer me, I move closer and place my hand on his bicep. “Doing what, Luke?”
He looks down at my hand and then into my eyes. “This.” He huffs out a breath. “I need my head in the game and what we’re doing… it’s… I need you to be honest with me.”
“Okay,” I whisper.
“Do you need help?”
My stomach bottoms out and I move my hand off his arm. “What?”
He turns to face me in the same way I am. “I know something is going on.” His eyes spark. “At home. The bruises, the way you act around your dad, the—”
“No.” I shake my head and undo my belt before reaching for the door handle to get out of the confides of the car.
How many times have I wished for someone to ask me that question? I’ve lain in my bed night after night wishing someone could save me. Ride in and pull me from the depths of evil. Six months ago I would have been sitting here telling him everything. Every sordid detail.
But it’s different now. I have a plan. A plan I can’t let anyone know about.
Finally out of the car, I trudge my way over the field, my mind a whirlwind of thoughts as I hear Luke behind me. My head is screaming at me to tell him, to confess everything and beg for his help, but my heart is telling me he won’t look at me the same ever again.
I’ll be a victim.
“Lily!” his deep voice shouts, and the baritone of it has me halting my steps, but I don’t turn around, instead I stare at the gray sky. “I can help,” he says when he’s closer.
I feel his body behind mine as I wrap my arms around my waist, trying to physically hold it all in.
“I don’t need help,” I choke out.
“Bullshit.” He steps closer, his front meeting my back. “I see you, Lily. I fuckin’ see you.”
“You don’t,” I whisper, shaking my head.
“I can help,” he repeats. “But only if you ask for it.”
I twirl around, anger flowing through my veins. “Really?” I laugh, but as I do, several tears slip free and slide down my cheeks. “You wanna be the superhero and rescue me, huh? Big, bad, Luke has saved the day again.” I throw my hands up in the air. “I don’t need your help!”
“Be careful, Lily. You’re not talking to your teenage friends now.” His eyes light with fire and I swallow, my anger turning to something much worse as I stare at him, wondering if I went too far. “I know what it’s like to live in an abusive house, fuckin’ trust me, I get it.” He pushes his hand through his hair, gripping it. “I get the way it consumes you; how everyone turns a blind eye to it even though they know exactly what’s happening.”
My heart beats harder in my chest, my shoulders sagging the longer he talks. I look away, not able to watch the pain in his eyes as he reveals a part of himself I’m not sure he’s ever done before.
My gaze lands on an apple blossom tree, the buds open and alive, but I can’t help wonder if it looks as alive from behind. Nobody thinks to check the back of the tree. It could be beautiful from the front, but dying in the back. It’s the same with people. We only see the exterior they
put into place, nobody bothers to pull it away to reveal the true person behind it.
Right now, Luke is asking me to expose myself, to tell him what’s going on. But I can’t. I can’t find the words to tell him, to explain to him how bad it is.
But then it’s been better this last week. Don’t fool yourself, it’s only because Aiden was there. I have to tell myself that maybe things are changing, maybe he’ll stop. Maybe—
“Like I said: I can’t keep doing this, Lily.” I whip my attention back to him. “I need my head in the game at work, and worrying about you is stopping me from doing that. So I’m giving you a choice.”
“A choice?”
He nods, his eyes misting over as the same muscle in his jaw ticks again. “You need help, I can give you that. I can get you as far away from here as possible; help you start over. But you’ve gotta tell me you need it.”