I squeeze my eyes shut tight as I remember his face when he found out who I was. Livvy had told me no
t to outright explain to people why I’m here, but I couldn’t help it. My mouth has a mind of its own and I can’t control it.
I stand in the corner of the office, my arms straight by my sides, my shoulders slumped and my back against the wall as I try to take myself to the safe space that I’ve been so used to.
When I was first taken to the seg ward, the only thing inside the room was a small toilet bowl and a mattress on a flimsy metal frame. I never felt safe on the bed so instead I would stand, just like this, in the corner of the room, watching the door constantly.
It’s a habit: a habit that I want to break, but I don’t know how. Right now, I just need to get his shocked face from my mind and wait for him to leave the building before I can come out of my corner.
A vision of his eyes springs into my mind causing mine to snap open, wanting to get them out of my head. The honey color of them with a starburst pattern had held me captive. I’ve never been held by a pair of eyes before, they rendered me a bumbling idiot.
No, Lexi, you can’t be thinking like that. He thinks you’re scum. Remember his face when he found out who you were. There was so much distrust in his eyes.
I shake my head, trying in vain to rid myself of all my thoughts.
“Knock, knock.” I gasp at his deep voice, the gravely tone making goose bumps spread over my arms.
“Who’s there?” What? Really, Lexi?
He steps inside, his head tilting to the side as a smirk lifts up the corner of his lips. “You know I could totally make a joke here.”
I cringe at myself and push my back further into the wall. His eyes flit over my face, his lips dropping into a frown.
“I erm…” He lifts his hand to the back of his neck and rubs it. “I didn’t mean…” He points out of the office.
“It’s okay,” I whisper. “I know what people think.” I try to pull my lips up at the corners but by his reaction, I’d say the smile I’m trying to achieve came out looking more like a grimace.
“Shall we start over?” he asks, holding his hand out on front of him.
I look down at his large hand hanging in the air and back up to his face. He tilts his head, encouraging me to step forward.
You can do this, Lexi, just act normal.
I push my back out of the corner and walk toward him like a scared animal—that’s exactly what I feel like. Being sent to prison at fifteen meant that I didn’t have my teenage-turning-to-adult years outside. I had them locked behind the concrete walls of a prison where every day is the same as the one before it.
It’s hard to adjust to being out and trying to be the adult that my age tells me I am, all while having no adult experiences.
I slowly push my arm forward, clasping his and gripping tight.
“Not so tight,” he mumbles.
“Shit! Sorry.” I let go quickly but he steps forward as I go to step back and takes my wrist, placing my hand back in his and shaking it—like a normal person.
“Like that.” He winks and I get a funny feeling in my stomach, almost like butterflies.
He watches me for several seconds that feel more like minutes, his eyes narrowing and trying to read me. As soon as I realize what he’s doing, I push my walls up, not allowing him to see any further.
Stupid, stupid, Lexi. What are you doing?
I yank my hand out of his and pace past him, misjudging the space between him and the doorframe. “Owww!” I shout as my shoulder slams into the wood.
“Oh, damn. You okay, Lexi?”
“I’m fine,” I say through gritted teeth, continuing to walk out of the office and toward the kitchen. “I better get a move on… I still have cleaning to do.” I spin around when I get to the end of the hallway and take one last look at him as he leans on the doorframe, his hands in his pockets. “Nice to meet you, Evan.”
“Pleasure is all mine.” He smirks.
I shake my head and laugh, a snort escaping as I walk into the kitchen before leaning against the wall, gritting my teeth at the deep throb in my shoulder.