I nod against her shoulder, repeating it over and over in my head.
One step at a time.
“Do you have a pen and some paper?” I ask when I pull back, wiping my face. This is the time, the time when I need him, Dean.
“Sure,” she answers, opening her bag and pulling out a pad and pen.
“I need you to get Evan to find this person,” I tell her, writing down Dean’s name and number. I rip it off the pad, handing it to her. “He was my bodyguard, tell Evan to give him this message. ‘Kitty needs you.’”
“O-okay.” She frowns.
I don’t hang around to explain, I don’t have time, I need to do this now or I never will.
We sit in silence as we wait for Kitty and Kay to get into my SUV. Ty sits behind me and I catch his eye in the rearview mirror, a silent conversation going on between us. Neither of us saw this coming and I blame myself. I’ve spent so much time with Kitty lately and not once did I see any of the signs. Yes, she hid it well, but now that I think about it, it’s so obvious. The need to not be at the compound. At the time I thought it was because she wanted to be here, with me, and maybe she did, but I have no doubt that the main reason was because she didn’t want any of them to catch her.
The weight that she’s lost, the way she acts when she’s been away from the house for a while, the way she runs off to the bathroom. I should have known, I should have seen it.
The door opens and Kitty climbs into the passenger seat, her eyes red and swollen, and her face turned down to the floor.
I turn the key in the engine and pull out of my driveway, heading to the airport.
No one says a word on the way there, the only sound is Kitty’s soft sniffles. I move my hand and place it on her thigh, squeezing gently, but she doesn’t acknowledge me because she’s stuck inside her own head.
“Kitty?” I ask.
She shakes her head in reply and I move my hand off her thigh, knowing that she needs time. I’ll give her that time, I’ll let her sort her head out but I won’t abandon her. I’ll be there every step of the way, whether she likes it or not.
I pull up to the drop off point outside the airport, getting out and pulling our bags from the trunk.
“No,” she says once she sees both of our bags. “You can’t come with me.”
“What—”
“I need to do this on my own. I can’t have you watching over me.”
My breath stutters at the thought of her doing this alone. She’s not alone, she has me and the manmade family at the compound; she doesn’t need to tackle this alone.
“I just want to help,” I tell her, my voice sounding weak.
“It’s too much, Charlie,” she says, shaking her head and stepping forward. “I need to do this… without you.”
I scrub my hand down my face, my stomach bottoming out. “Is this your way of breaking up with me?”
She worries her lip and looks down at the ground, picking her bag up and hauling it over her shoulder. “I don’t know.”
A lump forms in my throat and I can’t help the thoughts running through my head, I knew this would happen. I’m not meant to love or be loved, maybe I should just resign myself to that fate. To being alone.
“I’ll go with her,” Kay announces. “I’ll make sure she gets there okay and then I’ll come back on the next flight.”
My shoulders drop as I look at Kitty, knowing that it doesn’t matter what I do or what I say, she needs to do this on her own, without me. I don’t like it, in fact, I hate it, but she needs to do this, I can see that now.
Ty pulls Kay off to the side, leaving just me and Kitty standing awkwardly and I can’t take it another second. I take two big steps and place my hands on either side of her face, tilting her head back to look up at me.
“I’m gonna let you do this on your own,” I tell her. “But you need me, any hour of the day, you call me and I’ll get on the first flight out there. I’m here for you, Kitty Kat. Never forget that.”
“I know,” she whispers, lifting up on her toes and placing her lips against mine in a gentle kiss. “And I will.”
“You will?” I ask, my voice full of hope.