“Me?” I chuckle. “Yeah, I’m good, why?”
He shuffles his feet and looks down and then back up again, his eyes roving over my kitchen.
“You just...” His shoulders sag. “You just don’t seem like you.”
My pulse races at the look on his face. He can’t know, I’ve been careful, I know I have.
“What are you trying to say, Evan?” I walk past him and into the living room, sitting on my chair and discreetly putting my hand down the side of the cushion.
They’re still there.
“I’ve known you for years, Kitty. Something is up, and I just... I wanted to tell you that you can talk to me about anything.”
“I know that,” I answer him, rolling my eyes and crossing my legs.
Calm down, Kitty. He doesn’t know.
He leans against the doorframe and taps the bottle of water on the door, watching me and waiting. I keep my eyes connected with his, showing no signs of weakness.
“Fine,” he huffs. “But know that I’m here.”
“Thanks,” I say, a small smile on my face.
“Wanna walk over together?” he asks.
“I erm… I’ll catch up to you.”
He frowns and narrows his eyes at me, opening his mouth but closing it again, saying nothing. He turns and as soon as I hear the door shut behind him, I scramble for the pills and pull them out, popping the top off and pouring three into my hand.
“I—”
I gasp at Evan’s voice, closing my eyes tight and taking a deep breath. There’s no way that I can deny it now. My mind swirls with excuses that I can use and I go through several options, none of them able to get me out of the situation I’m in now.
“Kitty?” he asks.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“Please tell me that I’m not seeing what I’m seeing, please tell me you’re still not taking these.”
I open my eyes and lift my head up, my breath catching in my throat from the look on his face, his eyes wide and his mouth in a grim line.
“You should have stopped taking these weeks ago.” He stomps over to me, pulling them out of my hand and frowning down at the bottle. “These aren’t even your pills; did you score these?” His voice is low, so low that it’s almost a growl. I’ve never heard Evan talk like this before and it makes my heart skip a beat.
“I need them,” I say, my voice sounding pathetic even to my own ears. “I need them,” I say again, almost as if it will make him understand, but it won’t, he’ll never understand, none of them will.
His eyes flash with disappointment and all I want to do is look away.
“You need to stop.”
“I know.”
“Now,” he grits out.
I simply nod and fold my fingers over the pills in my hand. He may have the pill bottle but he doesn’t even realize that I have some in my hand right now.
“I will,” I tell him, the lie rolling off my tongue easily.
I’ve lost count of the amount of times that I’ve told myself I’ll stop, but every time I make it twelve hours, I can’t stop myself from taking them. My skin itches and I start to sweat, all I can think about is the pills and how I need them to live. I need them to be normal.