This wasn’t the plan I’d had for the morning after. I was meant to show her all over again exactly how I felt about her. I was meant to ask her to stay in bed with me all day. We were meant to—I shook my head and tamped down my thoughts. It didn’t matter what the plan was. That was before…before I realized just how dangerous us being together was.
She shuffled past me, and I locked the door, then opened up the car. My jaw was tense as I pushed into the driver’s side then reversed down my driveway. The car was silent as I drove to her apartment block, and I didn’t turn the engine off when I pulled up outside it.
“I don’t understand,” Aria said, her voice hitching. “What happened between last night and—”
“I can’t do this.” I gripped the steering wheel harder. “I can’t do this with you. I never should have done anything with you.”
“What? What are you talking about? What—”
“You don’t need to keep asking questions,” I told her, my voice gruff as I cut her off. I needed to do this quick and easy, like ripping off a Band-Aid. “It’s over. We had fun, end of story.”
The air swirled in the car, the temperature dropping with each one of my words. I couldn’t witness the anger on her face, but I could damn sure feel it.
“We had fun,” Aria repeated. “Wow.” The click of her belt rang out like a shot. “How fuckin’ dare you.” I could hear the emotion in her voice, but the anger was at the forefront. Good, I wanted her to be furious, it’d make this easier. “How dare you take my virginity and—”
“I didn’t take it, sweetheart.” I laughed and wanted to punch myself in the face. There was no easy way of doing this. It wouldn’t end well. Nothing would end well. “You gave it to me freely.”
“You’re a dick,” Aria said, but her tone was at a complete contrast with her words. “I hate you.”
“Good.”
“Look at me.” I kept my gaze fixated on a couple of parked cars, not willing to give her my eyes. If I did, she’d see how full of shit I was. She’d see through my act within seconds, and there would be nothing I could do about it. “Look at me!” she screamed, and I closed my eyes. She’d never know how deep my heart was cracking. She’d never understand how much my soul was evaporating. She’d never know how much I loved her. She’d never hear the words coming out of my mouth. She’d never—
“You promised,” she whispered, the anger making way for sadness, and I gripped my steering wheel tighter. I could barely breathe with her sitting next to me while I was doing this, but it was for the best—for her or me, I wasn’t sure. “You promised it would be you and me always. Those were your words, Cade.”
I didn’t answer her. I couldn’t answer her, because I had nothing to say. I had promised her that. I’d promised her I would always be there, but now I was destroying it. I was shattering it because I was scared of what would happen.
“You’re a coward,” she announced with a little more steel in her voice, but I could still hear the sadness ebbing away. The passenger door snapped open, and as she slammed it closed, I looked over at it, seeing her back and wishing I could get out of this fuckin’ car and wrap my arms around her. I wished we could be what I wanted us to be…
But we couldn’t.
I couldn’t tell her what she meant to me. I couldn’t do anything but watch her walk away.
* * *
ARIA
I tried to keep my head high as I walked across the lot and into the apartment building doors, but I couldn’t stop the tears streaming down my face. The dam had broken, and it was n
ow unstoppable. I desperately wanted to turn back and see if he was looking at me, but I wasn’t willing to let him see my heartbreak. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction, not after what he’d just done.
“I didn’t take it, sweetheart. You gave it to me freely.”
I hiccupped a sob as his words echoed around in my head, and as soon as I was in the building, I leaned against the wall to steady myself. I was out of his view now, and could finally let myself feel everything. He was right, he hadn’t taken it, I’d given it to him because…because I loved him. I’d let him have a part of me I’d never given to anyone else, and he’d shit all over it. He’d torn apart everything I thought we were in only a few words. He’d taken a piece of my heart without my permission, just like my dad had.
I covered my face with my hands and tried to catch my breath, but nothing I was doing was working. I was falling apart piece by piece, and the only person who could put me back together wasn’t here anymore. How could he do that? How could he shatter it all and not even look at me as he was doing it?
“No, no, no, no,” I murmured over and over again, not quite believing what had happened. Only an hour ago, I was curled up on top of him, his large hands gripping me like he’d never let go.
But he had.
He’d let me go, and didn’t think twice about it.
My cell vibrated in my pocket, but I didn’t move to answer it. I couldn’t face speaking to anyone, not right now. So I pulled my hands off my face and looked through blurry eyes as I took the stairs. Each step was harder to take than the last, but there was only a few until I would be in the safety of my apartment and alone.
I pushed my key in the apartment door and dragged my feet as I entered. I wasn’t aware of anything around me as I shuffled down the hallway. The door to my bedroom was in sight, relief on its way, silence and loneliness calling to me like a moth to a flame.
“Aria!”