She looked up at Erik, who was watching her steadily, worriedly, and said, “He has comparable taste, so my job was easy.”
She noted that Erik was wearing some of Seth’s casual clothes, which were a trifle small for him. “Where is Theron?” she asked anxiously.
“He’s upstairs in his bed taking a quick nap before dinner,” Alice answered. “He was tuckered out.”
“Why don’t you go up and do the same?” Seth suggested, taking her hand and kissing her fingers in turn. “You’ve just been through a harrowing experience. Take a bath, relax awhile. It’ll be some time before dinner’s ready. Dress casually. We decided to boil lobsters rather than cook steaks.”
“It sounds delicious,” Kathleen said, leaning over to caress him softly on the lips. “So does your idea. Will you excuse me?” Then she laughed. “It looks like there are enough cooks in here anyway.”
George was dropping cookie dough onto baking sheets. Erik had been assigned to make the salad. Seth was in charge of the lobsters, and Alice was overseeing it all.
“See there?” Seth teased. “You’re useless. Get upstairs and rest.”
She climbed the steps wearily, allowing her tiredness free rein now that she was out of the others’ sight. She crept into Theron’s room and leaned over his crib, sweeping her fingers lightly across his soft cheeks and smiling at the dribble that beaded his chin. Her throat constricted painfully and she drew a shuddering breath when she thought of what could have happened.
Her bath was long and luxuriant. She drank the glass of white wine that Seth had insisted she bring up with her. By the time she left the steamy bathroom, her limbs were rubbery and she was relaxed. The bed was too inviting to ignore and she peeled back the spread and collapsed onto the sheets. Drawing the pillow against her in the manner she was accustomed to, she soon fell asleep.
It was a slight bumping noise that awakened her. Instantly, she sat up, drugged by grogginess. The sound had come from Theron’s room, setting off maternal alarm bells. She had scorned clothes when she left the bathroom. Now, she slipped on a white eyelet wrapper and hastily tied the sash around her waist just as she flung open the connecting door to her son’s bedroom.
Erik was leaning over the crib. She slumped against the doorframe in relief. “What’s the matter?” he asked quickly as he looked up and saw her ravaged face.
“Nothing, I…”
“I was sent up here to awaken you. When I opened your door, you were sleeping so soundly I didn’t have the heart. I thought I’d wake up the captain first.” He grinned and her heart melted at the sight of him bending over to examine his sleeping son.
Her bare feet were silent on the thick carpet as she crossed the room to stand beside him. This was the way it should have been for the past two years. They should have been able to enjoy Theron’s babyhood together. Erik had been denied that experience. Could she ever make it up to him? It was her own stupidity, her own immature mistake, that had separated them.
“I owe you an apology, Erik.”
“You do?” He spoke softly so as not to disturb the sleeping baby.
“If I hadn’t been so juvenile, so unsure of myself, I would never have made the mistake I did in thinking that you were married. It was foolish to jump to conclusions and run away like that when I didn’t know the facts.” She looked up at him then and saw the soft quality in his eyes that he rarely exhibited now. “No matter what would have happened… between… between us,” her voice grew gruff, “you should have known about your son. I’m sorry.”
Her head dipped again in remorse, but his hand came up to cup her chin and lift her face. “It’s too late for recriminations, Kathleen. I haven’t led the most exemplary life these past two years. I’ve done some things I wouldn’t want anyone to know about. I was angry, hurt, disillusioned. I wanted the rest of the world to feel the same hatred I did. I regret some of my decisions, just as you do, but they are done. Let’s try to forget them.”
He glanced down at the baby once again. His hand was dark against Theron’s lighter skin as he stroked the chubby arm and fist. “You did a good job, Kathleen. He’s a wonderful boy.”
“Yes, he is.” As if drawn by some invisible force, she moved next to him and clasped his free hand. He squeezed it tightly.
“Did it… hurt much… you know, when you had him?”
Kathleen smiled gently. Men usually became as infantile as their offspring when they talked about birth. “Not very much. He was big, but I had a good obstetrician. I wish…” She trailed off at the absurdity of her idea.
“What?” he prodded, looking down at her and pulling her closer.
“I was going to say I wish you could meet him—the doctor. He was very kind to me. He was the one who was going to do the abortion before I called it off.”
The hand around hers tightened like an iron band. “God! You must have been put through hell.”
She leaned her head against his strong arm. “It’s one of those things we’re better off to forget.” Theron made a sucking noise in his sleep and they both laughed softly. “I haven’t even thanked you for saving his life today, Erik.”
He faced her then. “Do you really think I want to be thanked for that?” She could only shake her head dumbly. She was held by the radiating heat of his blue gaze. “I haven’t thanked you for giving him life, either,” he said. He took a step closer and leaned down nearer her. “Thank you for my son, Kathleen.” He brushed her cheek with his lips. “Did you feed him yourself?”
His gaze fell to her chest, where the fabric over her breast was fluttering with the pounding of her heart. “Yes,” she answered hoarsely.
His finger started at the base of her throat and scorched a trail to the first visible swelling of her breasts. “Is it even possible,” he asked unevenly, “that I’m jealous of my own son for knowing you so intimately while I didn’t even know where you were?”
Kathleen was as intrigued by his mouth as by the words that came from it. She