Kathleen blanched. “Uh… let’s see… I can’t remember exactly. Maybe two weeks ago.”
She was then directed to collect a urine specimen in the tiny adjoining bathroom. She handed the nurse the plastic cup, hoping that the contents wouldn’t be incriminating.
Left alone for several minutes, Kathleen tried to calm her rapid breathing and slow her heartbeat, but to no avail. By the time the doctor bustled in, she was quaking with nerves.
“Ms. Haley, I’m Dr. Peters. No wisecracks about my name, please. Most of my associates often suggest that I should have been a urologist.” He laughed at his own ribald j
oke, and Kathleen smiled. Who could be afraid of a kindly, middle-aged man with white hair, half-glasses that continually slipped down his nose and the countenance of Santa Claus? She was grateful for his blustery attempt to put her at ease.
The examination was routine. He listened to her chest, felt the glands in her neck, looked into her ears and throat, then had her lie back on the table while he did a rudimentary examination of her breasts.
“Are they sore?” he asked her.
Her throat closed around the lump that had suddenly formed there. Erik had asked her that. The following morning. She could still hear the gravelly inflection of his voice, the concern as he touched her…
“A little,” she replied.
The doctor stuck his head out the door and called to the nurse, who came in to assist Kathleen in placing her legs in the stainless-steel stirrups. They were cold against the soles of her feet.
“I’m sorry about that,” the doctor said as he heard her slight gasp. “I’ve asked my wife to knit some booties or something for those, but she’s too busy playing tennis. Now just relax while I open your legs a little more. Scoot down just a tad. There, that’s fine. Now relax.”
Again. Erik. He had whispered that in her ear, even as he took her virginity. Relax. Relax. While I’m being unfaithful to my wife and deceiving you, relax.
The speculum was cold, too, and when it opened inside her, Kathleen cringed and gripped the loose cloth over her breasts, clenching her jaw. She didn’t release her fists until the doctor’s gloved fingers were withdrawn.
Finally, he was done. He didn’t say anything except, “When you’re dressed, I’ll see you in my office,” before he went out, his coattails sailing after him.
She dressed while the nurse chatted as she cleaned up the examination table and prepared it for the next patient. When Kathleen told her where she worked and what she did, the nurse was impressed. “What a wonderful, exciting job!”
Yes, Kathleen thought. And not exactly made to order for a pregnant lady. But then, she wasn’t pregnant or the doctor would have said so. She took a tissue and dabbed at the perspiration on the palms of her hands.
“Come in,” the doctor called as she timidly knocked on his office door. In a courtly gesture, he stood up as she entered and indicated the chair opposite his desk. When he was sure that she was comfortable, he folded his hands on his desk and looked at her disarmingly over the tops of his lenses.
“Ms. Haley, forgive me for being so blunt, but did you suspect that you were pregnant?”
The words hit her like a shot from a cannon. The energy seemed to seep out of her body slowly, like air leaking out of a balloon with an insufficient knot at its end. She was deflated by slow degrees until she felt that there was nothing left inside her. But there was. Erik’s baby was inside her.
She bowed her head as tears spilled over her lower lids. “Yes,” she admitted in a low voice.
“When was your last period?” he questioned gently, knowing that she had lied to the nurse.
Putting pretense aside, Kathleen said, “The first week of July.”
He did some silent mental figuring, then said, “That adds up. I estimated by the size of your uterus that you are about ten weeks pregnant.” He cleared his throat delicately, giving her time to assimilate what he had said. “Everything seems perfectly normal. Your blood sugar is right, although I think you’d better start eating and gain some weight. You should deliver—”
“I can’t have the baby,” she blurted out before she lost her nerve. She swallowed hard and dashed the tears off her cheeks with balled, impatient fists. “I want an abortion.”
Dr. Peters was somewhat taken aback by the resolution in her voice and the stubborn set of her chin. She didn’t look the type to make a hasty decision, especially about something as important as this. “Is this your first pregnancy, Ms. Haley?”
She laughed bitterly. Little did he know that it had been her first time with a man. It had never occurred to her that she should be protecting herself against disease and pregnancy. Good Lord, most teens were more sexually responsible! What had she been thinking? Kathleen laughed again, and the brittle sound caused the doctor’s brow to crease. She certainly hadn’t been thinking about getting pregnant. “Yes, this is my first pregnancy.”
“Then are you sure of your decision?”
She looked down at the soggy tissue in her hand. “As sure as one can be about killing something.”
“Ms. Haley, you have a couple of weeks, no more than that, to reconsider before you make up your mind to terminate the pregnancy. Perhaps you should consult with the father—”
Her head came up instantly. “That’s impossible. Besides, there’s nothing to reconsider. I must have the abortion. Will you do it? Or must I go somewhere else?”