‘Not even a muffin?’ he tempts.
The thought of a muffin makes me feel ill. ‘I couldn’t eat a thing,’ I tell him.
‘You poor darling,’ he croons and gently squeezes my hand.
‘I’m all right,’ I say hurriedly, looking away from his gentle, strong eyes.
‘Right. I’ll go get the drinks,’ he says decisively, and walks away.
There is no queue and he comes back quite fast with my milky latte and his cappuccino.
‘Thanks.’ I tear two sachets of sugar and pour them into my coffee. I stir it with the long spoon and lick off the froth. When I look up and Mark is watching me intently. I flush and drop my gaze. Putting my hands in my lap I straighten my spine. The sooner I tell him the better.
‘After you dropped me off last night, Stella and I went to see a Russian Mafia boss.’
‘You did what?’ Mark splutters incredulously.
I worry my lower lip. ‘I know what it sounds like, but I would have gone to anyone who I thought could help.’
He looks at me in disbelief. ‘You know a Russian mobster?’
‘Well, he’s one of Stella’s client’s really.’
He runs his hand through his hair agitatedly.
‘Anyway,’ I say quickly. ‘He agreed to help.’
He looks at me with wary eyes. He already knows he is not going to like what I’ve got to say, but the poor guy has no idea how bad it is going to be. ‘In exchange for what?’ he asks quietly.
I take a deep breath. ‘Me.’
His jaw drops and he stares at me speechlessly for a few seconds. ‘Me? What the fuck does that mean?’ he blasts out, and I am glad I chose this deserted corner.
‘He wants me to be his … well, mistress for a month.’
Mark’s eyes widen. ‘You can’t be serious.’
I shift uncomfortably. He is starting to make me feel like I have sold my soul or something. ‘I am. If he finds Daisy, then he wants me to be with him for a month.’
‘Who the fuck is this guy?’
‘Does it matter?’
‘Yes. You’re my girl and I’m not allowing you to be with some thug for a month.’
I look him in the eye. ‘It’s not up to you, Mark.’ My voice is soft, but firm.
He stares at me as if he is seeing me for the first time. ‘I cannot believe that you are seriously considering doing this. You can’t get involved with this kind of people, babe. They are dangerous. You can’t predict them. He may be a sadist for all you know.’
‘I’ve said yes.’
He gazes at me with hurt eyes. ‘Without talking to me about it?’
‘What would you have done if it was your sister?’
He doesn’t take his eyes off me. ‘I wouldn’t give you up for anyone.’
‘I love my sister, Mark. I can give up one measly month of my life for her. It’s just sex. It is so little to have my sister back. I don’t expect you to understand and I don’t expect you to wait for me. I’ve come here today to break up with you.’
He reaches out a hand. ‘Absolutely not. We don’t break up for anything. I’m not beat. Maybe he won’t even find her.’
I snatch my hand out of his and gasp, ‘Don’t ever say that. He is my best hope of finding Daisy.’
‘I didn’t mean it like that. I meant maybe the police will find her first.’
‘It didn’t sound like it,’ I say.
‘Come on, Dahlia. You can’t drop this bomb on me now and not expect me to blow a gasket. For crying out loud we were about to have sex yesterday.’
I look down at my untouched latte.
‘I love you. I can’t bear even the thought of another man’s hands on you.’ His frustration and complete helplessness throbs in his voice.
I cover my head with my hands. Suddenly I just feel sick. Why do I have to be made to feel guilty and bear the responsibility for other people’s feelings? First my Mom, then Stella and now Mark. I have enough on my plate as it is.
I drop my head. ‘If he finds Daisy and I go to him, I don’t want you to wait. I think it is not fair on you, and it would make me feel terrible to think you are waiting for me. I just want a clean break. Maybe we were never meant to be.’
For a few seconds there are only the muted sounds of the coffee house, then he says, ‘Look at me, Dahlia.’
I lift my head.
‘You can no more tell the waves not to come to shore than you can tell me not to wait. I told you last night and I meant it. I’ll wait for you forever if I have to.’
I close my eyes. They feel as if they are burning from lack of sleep and the need to just fucking cry my heart out. I’m hanging on to my strength by the tips of my fingernails. I open my eyes and fix them on him.