“You’ll go right on living, that’s what.”
“But what kind of life will I have?”
“That depends on what you make of it.”
She sniffed wetly. “You don’t understand. Key and Mama are all that’s left of my family. I don’t want to lose them. If Mama dies, Key will go on about his business, and I’ll be left here alone.”
“You’ll make out just fine by yourself, Miss Janellen.”
“No, I won’t.”
“Now why would you say that?”
“Because I’ve never had an identity of my own. People only see me in relation to my family. I’m Clark Junior’s daughter. Clark and Key’s little sister. Jody’s girl. Even though I’ve been doing most of the work at Tackett Oil the last couple of years, everybody thinks I’m just Mama’s puppet. I guess they’re not too far wrong. She’s always told me what to do, and I’ve obeyed her, partially because she’s usually right, but mostly, I suppose, because I lack the self-confidence to stand up to her and offer a different opinion. I’ve never really minded answering to her, but when she’s gone, what then? Who will I be? Who am I?”
He pushed her away and gave her a little shake. “You’re Janellen Tackett, that’s who. And that’s enough. You’re stronger than you know. When the time comes for you to stand up on your own, you’ll do it.”
“I’m afraid, Bowie.”
“Of what?”
“Failing, I guess. Not living up to expectations.” She laughed, but it was a sad sound. “Or, more to the point, I’m afraid that I will live up to everyone’s expectations and land flat on my backside when Mama’s not here to call the shots.”
“It won’t be that way,” he said with a stubborn shake of his head. “You’ve got years of experience. The men are used to taking orders from you. You’re smart as a whip. I always thought of myself as fairly clever. I’ve got some street smarts, but when I’m with you—and this is the God’s truth—I feel dumber than dirt.”
“You’re not dumb, Bowie. You’re very smart. Nobody else noticed the discrepancy in well number seven.”
“Which turned out to be nothing.”
“We didn’t know that until you installed the test meter.”
He’d put the test meter midway between the well and the recorder. The data registered had been the same. A leak could be anywhere along the line. In order to locate it, he’d have to move the test meter until a section of line was isolated. That could go on indefinitely. He’d checked the records and, sure enough, that well had had a flare line, but it had been capped off years ago. He felt like a fool for making such a big deal over something his bosses considered insignificant.
Janellen’s hands were still riding on his waist, and that’s all he could think about now. Finally he said, “I’m sorry about your mama, Miss Janellen, because I know how much you care about her. I hope she lives to a ripe old age so you’ll be spared the grief of her passing. But with or without her, you’re your own person. You don’t have to be anybody’s daughter or sister
or… or wife. You’re good enough all by yourself. You’ve got plenty on the ball and don’t let anybody make you think different.”
“You’re good for me, Bowie,” she whispered.
“Aw, hell, I’m not good for much of anything.”
“That’s not true! You are! You’re very good for me. You make me focus on my strong points instead of my weaknesses. Don’t get me wrong. I know my limitations. I’ve lived with them all my life. I know I’m intelligent, but not exceptionally so. I’m not self-assertive, I’m timid, and I lack confidence. I’m not pretty. Not like my brothers.”
“Not pretty?” Bowie was baffled, so baffled he didn’t stop to wonder when he’d begun thinking of her as beautiful. “Why, you’re the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen, Miss Janellen.”
Flustered and confused, she ducked her head. “You don’t have to tell me that. Just because of what I said the other day.”
He cleared his throat uncomfortably. “I want you to know right now that I’m not holding you to that.”
“You’re not?”
“No, ma’am.”
“Oh.” The features of her face worked emotionally. Then she lifted her gaze back to his. “How come?”
He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Well, ’cause I know you didn’t really mean it, that’s how come.”
She wet her lips and took a quick breath. “In fact I did, Bowie.”