I’ve wanted to talk to him about it, tell him that though I appreciated his care, I would’ve much rather have stayed by his side the way he did mine. But I don’t even know how to bring that up with him; where would I start? I wanted so badly to lay all the cards on the table, find out where he’s at in his thinking. Once the novelty of the kids wears off, will he still be hell-bent on revenge and ending himself?
All of that scares me so much that I’d been willing to take the blame for all of it. Due to my understanding that came with finally learning the truth, I’d been willing to overlook months of pain and fear. That was until he let the skank hang all over him in a room where not only his family but his kids and I were, and it was on full display.
Does he have any idea how embarrassing that was? What must his family think? No doubt they all think I deserve it. Right now, I wish I were back in Alaska, so I wouldn’t have to deal with this. There’s just too much going on. At first, I thought only of the good that could come out of me being back here.
After hearing the truth about why he’d sent me away, I empathized with him a bit. Knowing what the sweet boy I’d fallen in love with had planned to do to himself had filled me with a kind of emotion that I think only comes with being a mother and having gone through the pain of childbirth.
It's an emotion that encompasses everything and puts all things in a new light with a new perspective. All the anger I’d carried with me seemed to just dissipate upon hearing that horror story. I was even starting to feel bad about the trick we’d planned against him.
I thought we’d have days where we could talk and get things out in the open, with my fake engagement as a buffer of sorts. I played out these scenarios in my head where we both admitted we were wrong, and my sin voided his and vice versa. But we’re not going to get to do that now because way too much has happened already that wasn’t supposed to.
First, I did not expect Gabriel to react so strongly upon hearing about the engagement, and second, I did not know that my daughter would appear and turn things upside down. That one act has thrown everything up in the air, and I can’t seem to find my bearings, ergo the rollercoaster ride on the crazy train I’d bought tickets to without even realizing and now the threats.
“Exactly what are you going to do?” Too late, I can’t take it back, and the way his eyes widened then smoldered, I think maybe I should keep the kids up all night. Gabriella loves pulling all-nighters when the mood strikes. My eyes went to her in the tub, and she didn’t look like she was up for a night of mommy and me. I looked back at him and bravely quirked my brow. But his slow smile and the little ‘hmm’ he gave had me looking for excuses to bounce.
“I’ll go get their nightclothes ready.” I booked it out of there and went in search of the stuff that was needed to get them ready for bed. There wasn’t much; I hadn’t had time or wasn’t given any more like it to pack up my stuff from the cabin, so everything that I’d brought with me had been bought here.
I don’t know how these guys do it. It’s almost like you never see the actual work being done, but things are happening all the same. The house, which has been under the care of a property management team all this time, had been cleaned from top to bottom and the new baby furniture brought in.
Wiring and pipes had been checked, something I wouldn’t have even thought of, and the new crib set up. It was almost time for them to move to kiddie beds, but with their energy levels, I’m almost terrified to do it. I further didn’t expect to be spending the night here with Gabriel, and not even at the house where I could use his family as a buffer.
Even though the main house wasn’t that far away, it wasn’t that close either. It felt like we were on a secluded island surrounded by gardens and separated from the main house by the long cobblestone path that led between the two and the many trellises and arbors that had been set up to put space between the two places, making them two separate dwellings.
By the time Gabriel came out of the bathroom with the kids wrapped in towels, or more like the three of them had them over their heads like veils, their little bodies quivering with excitement like they’d hidden one of mommy’s essential items, whatever that may be and was ready to play, I’d laid out their nightclothes.