“I think…” she whispers. “I think that I was foolish to move so quickly. I was foolish to think that it would be so simple to walk away. This means something to me, Nate. I know it might not have seemed that way from the way I behaved…but I…I feel a lot for you. More than I ever have for anyone in the world. And after I walked away, I….I tried to imagine my life without you, and it hurt so much that I thought it would tear me apart. You’re everything to me. You gave my life a new meaning. Before I met you, all I cared about was seeing the world, but now, it’s different. I still want to see the world, but I don’t want to do it without you by my side. I don’t want to do anything without you.”
Her hand slides a little further down my chest and settles over my heart. I know she has to be able to feel it crashing hard against my ribs. She has to know exactly how her confession affects me
She raises her eyes to meet mine once again and this time, they’re filled with tears.
“Don’t cry, baby,” I say as gently as I can.
Her eyes slide closed for a moment, her lips quivering.
“I can’t help it. I’m scared that I’m going to lose you. I’m scared that I screwed everything up. But I’m also scared about what happens if we fix this…I’m scared of the hurt I could cause. I thought if I was only hurting myself, then it would be okay. But I stand to lose so much no matter what I do…and that terrifies me. I don’t want to have to choose.”
“I know,” I say, lifting her chin and tilting her head up so that her eyes meet mine again. “I know you’re in an impossible situation. Your dad is so important to you and you don’t want him to be upset. But baby…you and I both want this. We’re both adults. We can make our own choices. If we want this then we need to grab it with both hands. I’ve never felt this way before in my whole life, and I never will again. It’s you, Tara. Only you. You’re the only woman who can make me feel this way. I waited all this time to be with you, and I don’t want to give up on us. I know that it’s harder for you than it is for me…which is why I need you to know that I’m all in. Fuck the consequences. I’ll take anything that comes my way if it means I can be with you. You’re not the only one taking a leap of faith. And if you jump, I’ll be there to catch you.”
I can tell that she’s scared, that she doesn’t know what the right choice is. But I don’t want her to walk away again. I don’t think I can bear her leaving a second time. She’s everything to me. The one true source of my happiness. If she leaves, then I’m going to be left with nothing.
She takes a deep breath. And I know she’s about to make her decision, and the tension is killing me. I need her to be with me. When she looks into my eyes, I have no idea what she’s going to say. All I can do is hope.
“I promised myself when I saw you next that I would be completely honest with you,” she whispers. My heart is thudding so hard and loud against my chest I have to fight to hear her words.
She swallows and takes another breath before continuing.
“I know that it’s selfish of me to keep you waiting, so here goes.” She pauses. “I want to take a go at this between us. But knowing how it might affect my dad…maybe we should wait before we tell him about us. I want to focus on building on what we have…and deal with him later. Is that…is that okay?”
I breathe out a heavy sigh of relief. I didn’t know what she was going to say, but I can’t say I’m upset by her response. It gives us a chance where there was none before. And if she’s choosing me now, then she’s choosing me forever.
There’s no way I’m ever letting her go again. Not when we almost lost it all before. She’s mine now, and I can’t ever allow anything to come between us. This is my time to show her just how good we can be together and there is no way I’m wasting it.
I grab her hips and pull her to me, making her gasp, though a smile is quick to form on her lips.
“I’ll do anything you want me to,” I tell her. “If you want to wait before we tell him, that’s fine by me. Hell, I don’t care if we keep this a secret for a time. As long as I get to be with you, Tara. That’s all that matters to me. I was terrified that I was going to lose you.”