The realization hits me like a Mac truck. I had no idea that my feelings were so strong…and yet now, they’re like a punch to the gut.
I love him.
I love him more than anything in this entire world. He’s turned my life upside down…and now, a life without him seems impossible. That’s why it hurts so much. That’s why I can’t imagine going back to the way things were before him…
That’s why I can’t let him go.
I feel winded by revelation. I sit down on the edge of my bed, butterflies making me feel seasick. How am I supposed to fix this? Will he even want to see me again? Maybe it’s too late to try and make amends.
But I have to try. If I don’t, I know I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. And yes, going back to Nate means I might hurt my dad. It means he might be so angry with me that he never forgives me. But I’m not being unreasonable. I don’t need his permission to fall hard and fast for someone…even if it is one of his closest friends. If he’s a good father, he’ll find it in his heart to forgive me for falling for the wrong person. If he sees that I’m happy then he’ll have to find a way to make peace with it.
That’s what I have to hope for, at least. That’s the one thing I can cling to now. If I’m wrong, then I’ll be in for a world of pain. But I guess I should cross that bridge when I get to it.
For now, I just need to focus on getting Nate back. I need to show him how much he truly means to me. I have to let him know that I’m sorry, that I don’t want to give up on us. Not when we’re so close to getting what we want. Not when we have a chance to make something so beautiful together.
My heart is lifting in my chest, hope rising inside me.
I’m ready to take some risks and deal with the consequences.
I stand in front of the mirror and smooth down my sundress, anxiety making my stomach twist with nerves. I don’t know how I’m going to do this at all. I don’t know if it’s all going to blow up in my face and leave me feeling worse than before. But it’s worth a try. I was too quick to dismiss this thing between us when it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t ever want to make that mistake again. I have to find my way back to Nate.
I rush out into the corridor, desperate to try and find him. But when I look up, he’s right there. He looks so pained, standing at the end of the hall. But through his pain, he still looks so damn good in his white shirt and shorts.
My heart softens.
There’s the man I fell for. The man worth all this pain.
“Tara…” he says, firm and strong. “Let’s go somewhere that we can talk.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Nate
I take Tara back to my room, my heart hammering in my chest. I don’t know how this is going to pan out. I don’t know if Tara even wants to talk this out. She made her feelings pretty clear earlier today when she walked away from me.
But she’s here now.
She seems like she wants to at least hear me out.
It gives me hope that this is going to pan out. Maybe she’s realized that we can find a way to be together, that she can’t live under someone’s thumb forever…that she can make her own choices. She’s a grown woman and it’s time for her to make a choice based on what she wants, not what other people tell her she should want.
In the safety of my room, I watch as her shoulders sag like she’s got the weight of the world on her shoulders today.
She looks up to meet my eyes, heaving a big sigh.
“First of all, I’m sorry about earlier,” she says softly, her eyes full of hurt. “I never should have been so impulsive. I got in my head and lost in my emotions. I should have been a little more patient with myself and thought things through. But, Nate…you understand, don’t you? I thought there was no way out. I thought that it was my only option.”
“I know,” I say, taking a step toward her but I pull back at the last minute giving her space. “And what do you think now?”
She wavers before she steps a little closer to me and puts her hand on my chest and I groan in response. I love the feeling of her touching me, but it’s distracting right now. It’s all I can think of, her hands on my body, but I force myself to meet her eyes, even as my cock comes to life in my pants. I guess she doesn’t realize just how strong an effect she has on me.