Did I do something wrong to deny myself what I want so desperately?
Did I take everything that I have for granted? Did I ask for too much?
I know how lucky I am to have won the lottery, to have lived in luxury all these years. I don’t think I’ve ever thought of myself as harshly or unfairly treated in any sense.
But love is worth so much more than any of what I have. I’d trade in all of my riches to have Tara back. I’d give up my house, my boat, my business if it meant that she’d take me back. Those things mean nothing to me now, especially if I can’t share them with her.
I clench my fists at my sides.
I’ll never feel complete again. Not without her. Not when the woman of my dreams is slipping through my fingers.
There’s nothing I can do about it. No way to persuade her that she’s making a mistake because I know she’s doing what is right for her and her family. How can I stand in the way of that?
And yet, I’m raging inside. I’m ready to go on a rampage, full of jealous rage, wishing she’d pick me. I’ve never been a violent man, never been aggressive at all…but all of a sudden, it’s like I’m someone else. I’ve been engulfed by this fire. Maybe this is who I am deep inside. Maybe this is why I don’t deserve to be with the woman of my dreams.
I close my eyes and I see her. Tara. Her soft smile, her dark hair that felt like silk between my fingers last night. I can still taste her on my lips, feel her tight heat clamping around my fingers. The thought makes me hard instantly. I don’t know why I’m torturing myself like this. I already know I can’t have her. And yet, it still crosses my mind, over and over again.
I want her so badly.
I want to touch her. I want to be inside her…I never even got to take her like I dreamed of. I never got to feel her body writhing beneath mine as I plunged deep inside her tightness…
This is wrong.
We were meant to be together. We were made to be together. How can I give up on this now when I know how right this feels?
My fists curl at my sides.
I need to fight for her, no matter what the consequences are.
But I don’t want to do something she doesn’t want me to. Which is why I need to talk to her. I need to let her know how much she means to me. Maybe if she sees how much I want her, need her, she’ll think again about what she wants. I’m willing to risk it all for her, she’s the most important thing in the world to me, I just need to show her that.
I stand and begin to pace the room. I have to make a grand gesture. I have to make her see that I’m not playing around. I’m in this for the long haul. I want everything she has to offer. And if she’s not willing to offer me anything at all, that’s fine too. I just want her, in any way she’ll let me have her.
I know it’s a long shot, trying again. I knew she’d already made up her mind when she walked away from me. I know that it’s possible she’ll resent me for making her reject me once again.
She’s been through enough pain already.
But sometimes, pain is worth the outcome. I’d walk through fire and over a bed of needles if she was waiting for me on the other side. I need her to know that. And then, I need to figure out if she’s on the same level.
I’ll give her a few hours to herself, to calm down. After the explosive day we’ve had, she probably wants to be alone with her thoughts. But after that, I’m making my move. My final stand. Because even though this feels like a lost cause, it doesn’t have to be. I’m not ready to give up on this. Not until I’ve tried one final time to make her mine, the way it should be.
I just hope that she feels the same.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Tara
It feels like I could scream and cry for days. I’ve never been so upset in my whole life. Alone on the ship, I wonder how my life came to this moment. How did I manage to ruin everything in such a short amount of time?
I sniffle, burying my head in my pillow.
I miss Nate already. I miss his strong arms around me, his willingness to fight for me, and the way he makes me feel about myself. Without him, beside me, I don’t think I’ll ever be the same…
Because it’s not just the physical side of the relationship that I’m going to crave. It’s the closeness to him, like the way he held me after we explored our bodies. I’ll miss the way we talk to one another. I don’t have many friends, but with him, I finally felt like I had found someone that I could talk to about anything. Sure, we haven’t done a whole lot of talking since we met, preferring to get physical, but when we do talk…I feel like he listens to me. I feel like he cares about what I say next, instead of just nodding along and waiting for me to finish. I feel like he understands where I’m coming from.