I stagger slowly back to the boat. Where else is there to go? It used to be my favorite place on earth, my boat, the beginning of my own adventure, but now it feels like a prison. The place where I’m trapped with the only woman I’ve ever cared for.
The one woman I can’t have.
The pain is like nothing I’ve ever felt before.
I had no idea I could feel things so deeply. But from the moment I met Tara, I knew things were different. She’s changed me, and now she’s leaving me behind.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to recover from this. How am I supposed to fill the void that she’s left behind?
I know how most men would respond. They’d find another woman right away and jump into bed with her. They’d fuck away the pain and pretend it doesn’t affect them.
But that would never work for me. There’s a reason I waited my entire life to be with a woman, to be with Tara. It’s because she’s the only woman I ever wanted to be with. One day in her presence and I felt more than I ever had in my lifetime. I knew she was the only woman who could provide me with the happiness and companionship I’d been looking for all my life, from the moment I met her. Now, I can’t come back from that. I’ve never been a man interested in meaningless flings or casual sex. No, I need a connection.
And that left when Tara walked away.
I told myself all these years that I was happy. I mean, I won the lottery for Christ’s sake. Most men in my shoes would be happy. They’d spend their money on expensive cars, mansion sized homes, on all the things that give them ‘pleasure’. They’d never have a care in the world. They’d find a woman, any woman, to share it with, and they’d be happy.
But not me. I can’t force myself to live that way. I spent all these years waiting for someone special, something that would last. I never knew what I was looking for, but I knew I’d know the perfect woman when she showed up.
And then she did. She practically delivered herself to me on a silver platter. It felt like fate. It felt like we were always meant to meet on my boat, to spend two weeks of passion out on the open water…to come home ready for our life together.
Maybe that was naive of me. Maybe I shouldn’t have let my hopes get up so high. But I could envision a future with Tara. I was thinking of the house we’d buy together, the places we’d travel to side by side, the number of kids we’d have…she was about to make all of my dreams come true.
But that’s never going to happen now. She’s made her decision, and I have to respect it.
As much as I want to tear her father apart for standing in our way, I know that wouldn’t solve our problems. She’d hate me for going against her wishes, for hurting the only other person she loves, the one man, who comes above me in this world.
I know it shouldn’t make me angry, that she has so much love for her father, but it does. I hate that one of my best friends is the reason I’ll never get what I’ve always wanted, a future. I want to kill him for leaving me without the woman of my dreams.
But he’s a broken man, too. He knows what it’s like to lose the love of your life.
Will I have to spend the rest of my life the way he’s spent the last twenty-one years? Mourning a woman who is still alive because I’ll never get to make her mine?
I make it back to the boat and head straight for the Captain’s quarters, but I immediately regret my decision. The sheets on the bed are still rumpled from the night of passion that I shared with Tara. I can still smell her perfume in the air, the only reminder that she was here at all.
It feels like I dreamed the whole thing, but I know that it was real.
And now I’m living a nightmare.
I lie down on the bed, feeling frustrated. I never went through this kind of thing when I was younger. I never had a first love or a first broken heart. I guess that’s what I’m enduring now. I try not to focus on anything else, but the pain in my chest, it’s all-consuming, and it feels like it’s never going to go away.
I had so much planned. All those dreams were just within my reach. I thought that I was finally going to have a companion to travel the world with. A friend, a lover, the mother of my future children.