The poor girl’s probably been tearing herself to pieces over this conundrum. Tell me and risk hurting someone she cares about at work, or don’t tell me and risk pissing me off and making things worse between us.
I sit back in my seat and let out a long breath.
“I think it’s time for this to be done.”
The words spill out of my mouth like hot coals belched from the guts of a fire.
She doesn’t move. Tension fills the space between us like a gunshot and I try not to show her how much this is killing me. The last thing in the world I want is for this to be over—I want her to stay in my apartment, with me, just the two of us against the fucking world—but once I end our deal, I know there’s no going back.
Nothing will ever be the same.
“No,” she says softly, shaking her head. “No, Calvino. Absolutely not.”
“I’ll still help you with Riley. I’ll give you what you want, but if Vince is on to you then the game’s over. It’s too dangerous and I’m not going to risk you getting hurt.”
I won’t lose her. I won’t lose another person I care about.
“It’s not about me and Riley and you anymore.” She stares at me, her lips parted, and I can tell she’s shaking, but I’m not sure what from. “Charlie needs me, Calvino.”
“We can’t. I won’t let them hurt you.”
She slips from her chair and walks to me. I stare at her swaying hips, at her mouth, at her long legs, and she kneels down in front of me and takes my right hand between hers. She stares into my eyes and it nearly shatters my blackened, worthless, hell-damned heart to see her like this, so broken up and confused. None of this is right and none of it makes sense, and I’d do anything to make this pain go away, but I can’t.
“Please,” she whispers, so softly, like a dove landing on a tree branch.
“I’m sorry, Grace. I won’t let you stay in danger, not if Vince is on to you. We’ll find another way.”
“No,” she squeezes tighter. “I’m not giving up. Even if you tell me it’s over.”
“Grace,” I say, my voice a warning growl. “What did we agree? What did we say from the start? You’d obey me.”
“That was before you threatened to end this early. You can’t, not before it’s finished. I still need you.”
I feel those words deep inside my stomach and I lean forward, unable to help myself. I run my free hand back into her hair and pull it hard, staring into her eyes.
“You need me?” I whisper, inches from her lips. “You need me, or you need to keep using me to get what you want?”
“Don’t pretend like you’re not doing the same thing.”
“I’m trying to save your life, Grace. You’re trying to end it.”
“And you don’t understand how deep this all goes.” She’s pleading, staring into my eyes, and I’ve never felt so overwhelmed, so lost, so ruined before.
She thinks I want this, but I don’t, not even a little bit—I want to protect her. I want to keep her safe, far from my violent asshole brother, far from Louie the psychopathic killer, far from all the mafia assholes that would use her and hurt her and destroy her—just like they destroyed her cousin.
But as much as I want to protect her, I don’t want to let her go.
Because I know I’m just as bad as they are.
“Tell me why you don’t want to walk away. Tell me why the hell you’d want to see this through, knowing my brother’s suspicious and he’s not kind to those that come for him.”
“Because I don’t want to leave you.”
I crush my mouth against hers in a rough kiss and she moans against me. I can’t help myself—I know this is wrong, this is so fucked—but I want her more than I’ve ever wanted a woman in my life, more than I’ve ever wanted anything, and she’s here tonight, down on her knees, and I won’t let her go.
Chapter 19
Grace
When he kisses me, everything else goes away.
That’s what he does to me. Despite the raw feelings and confusion dripping down my spine, it all disappears—because Calvino has me, and when his hand slips back into my hair and tightens, sending that sweet agony and pleasure rolling into my hips, I can’t do anything but submit.
I moan into his kiss and let him pull my hair tighter. He can hurt me, bite me, do whatever he wants to me, but he can’t send me away. I won’t leave, not when this is just starting to feel good and we’re getting so close, not when Charlie’s still in trouble and she needs my help.
Not when I haven’t solved Riley’s death yet.