I nearly scream.
“Dead?” I manage the word like I’m giving birth to it. I force it from my throat, and all my plans swirl around in my skull, mixed up and half-formed, but I force myself to focus on the plans I’ve thought about endlessly ever since I came to this club ten months ago and devoted my life to this moment.
If he’s dead then everything I’ve worked for, all my sacrifices, all those leering, pervy dickheads and their grabby hands, all those nights spent watching girls strip and guys throw money and the endlessly empty debauchery of it all, all those hours spent sitting around my sad, lonely apartment dreaming of this night, this exact situation, all of that would be for nothing.
“I don’t fucking know, can you just come on?” She drags me along behind her and I stumble after.
Sunshine and Rainwater are hovering over him. His cock’s put away though it looks like it was hastily done—his shirt’s poking out of his unzipped fly—and Sunshine’s checking his neck for a pulse.
“Let me see.” I push into the group and force myself to concentrate. I need to take control of this or else it’s going to spiral out of hand and I won’t get what I desperately need. I press two fingers against the guy’s neck—it’s surprisingly warm and covered in stubble—and there it is, his pulse, slow but steady. His chest is rising and when I lean close to his mouth, all my instincts telling me to stop, to run, to get away, the monster’s going to bite my throat out, I feel his breath on the soft skin of my cheek.
“He’s not dead,” I say and bite my nails. “I think he’s asleep.”
“His fucking dick was in my mouth,” Raven says, pacing back and forth. “We were sucking him off and he was saying all this fucking shit to us about how we’re worthless cunts and all that shit, and his voice got all slurred and whatever and his dick started getting soft and I just figured he was drunk or on something, you know, but then he just sort of passed out. What the fuck’s wrong with him?”
“Drugs,” Sunshine said, nodding to herself as she got her clothes back on, though they didn’t do much to cover her up. “Definitely drugs.”
“I didn’t see him take anything,” Rainwater says, frowning at the slumbering guy, and I want to tell her to shut the fuck up.
I try to keep myself together. “Weren’t you dancing?” I ask her.
“Well, yeah, but—”
“He could’ve done something when we were busy sucking him off,” Raven says like it makes total sense, even if it doesn’t. “You were working the pole, girl, you didn’t see shit.”
God, right about now I love Raven with all my heart.
The glass of whiskey’s sitting on the end table next to the couch and it’s almost entirely empty. My heart does a stutter-step—well, shit, no wonder he passed out like that. I didn’t expect him to drink it all and put in a pretty massive dose, enough to make a rhino pass out, but no time to worry about that now.
“You know who this guy is, don’t you?” Real fear in Sunshine’s voice. She’s terrified, they all are, and I am too, except I’m trying to use my fear to help me focus. “If he’s dead or ODing or whatever, we’re gonna get blamed, and you know what’ll happen, right?”
I nod to myself as if I’m having an idea and stand up straight. I’m shaking but I hope they don’t notice in the low light and with all the stress floating around.
“Okay, here’s what we’ll do,” I say and my voice is strong like I’m sure of myself, even if my knees are weak and my chest feels like it’s packed with ice. “You three go into the changing room and act like you’ve been there the whole time. I’ll deal with this guy and make sure he doesn’t die since I took some paramedic classes when I became a lifeguard like forever ago.”
“But won’t you get in deep shit when he wakes up?” Sunshine narrows her eyes at me, although Raven’s already walking to the door. I make note of that—apparently Raven has no qualms about throwing me under the bus and I no longer love her. Oh, well, short-lived.
“Calvino knows I don’t dance so he won’t suspect me. If he spots you three hovering around his brother, he’ll think it was one of you right away, especially with the lipstick smeared all over his dick.”
Sunshine grimaces. “That’s a fair point.”
Rainwater stands and walks to me. She puts a hand on my arm and frowns like she’s concerned. “Are you sure, Gracie? You’re really gonna take the heat?”
I give her a brave smile even if I don’t feel brave. All I want is for them to get the hell out of here and let me do what I came here to do all those months ago, but I have to keep playing this out if I want to survive what comes next. I can’t let any of them suspect I have any motives beyond being a good person.