68
~ MEGS ~
Megs stared at a ghost. That was the only explanation, since she’d lost her pirate captain in the Battle of the Empress’s Last Stand.
“Megs … ?”
Linna turned her head sharply at the voice, expression mirroring Megs’s own shock. “Akella? Gods, is that truly you?”
But the pirate didn’t even glance in Linna’s direction. Her eyes were locked on Megs.
“Milo was right!” Linna exclaimed. “You’re alive!”
“I thought …” Megs started, but emotion swelled unexpectedly and she stopped before her voice could crack. She swallowed and tried again. “I always assumed you … So many died, so few of us made it out alive.”
“I thought you were gone. I thought you died in the first assault,” said the pirate captain, her voice going up an octave.
They stood staring at each other. Megs’s pirate. The one she’d promised herself she would not fall for, would not grow fond of, and yet somehow had anyway.
“The last time I saw you,” Akella started, “you were – ”
“Sleeping in your bed,” Megs finished. “I woke up and you were gone.” She couldn’t keep the accusation out of the words.
“I found a way, though,” Akella said. “A way to take you out of Pellon, just like you wanted. A place you could be away from the war, if only for a little while.”
They both fell into silence after that. Away from the war. What did that even mean? It felt like all Megs had ever known was war. War and loss. But nothing she lost had ever come back to her until now.
Megs could feel Linna staring, eyes bouncing between the two of them. Megs was sure that her perceptive friend had already understood everything, understood what she and Akella had been to each other – had almost been to each other – from what few words and stares they had exchanged.
“Akella,” Linna said slowly, “what are you doing here? And how long have you been here?”
The pirate finally pulled her eyes away from Megs. “What are you doing here? The Commander sent you home.” But then she cocked her head and furrowed her brow. “You look like you’ve aged five years in the past five months.”
“That’s because it’s been five years – almost – since I last saw you,” Linna answered.
Akella snorted like Linna had made a joke, and opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out. Her jaw hung halfway open as she glanced between Megs and Linna. “No, it hasn’t. It took us about three months to get here, the Commander and Empress and me. I wasn’t counting exactly. And I’ve been here…” Some expression flashed briefly across Akella’s face, and Megs tried to guess what it was. Embarrassment? “I’ve been here about three months, give or take. Which means it’s been six months since we last met.”
“No. It’s been four years and six months, by my count,” Linna said.
“No,” Akella said, a soft protest. Her eyes were on Megs again, staring with such intensity that Megs fought an urge to shrink backwards. “No, it’s only been a few months.”
Megs had mourned her, after the Empress’s Last Stand. After she’d come back to the battlefield with Ellick, the only member of her squad besides herself who’d survived, and searched the dead for her. Megs hadn’t found Akella amongst the dead that day, but then again, she hadn’t found the bodies of her squad, either.
She mourned them all just the same. But she was angry at Akella in particular, angry because the woman had promised she wouldn’t die on Megs like so many others had. And Megs had been angry at herself for believing her.
Akella had to have been lost in similar memories, because her brows furrowed as her eyes moved up and down Megs’s body, like she was trying to convince herself Megs wasn’t some sorcerer’s illusion.
Akella reached out hesitantly, her first two fingers brushing against a semi-circular scar on Megs’s neck. Akella’s touch burned even as it thrilled.
“This is new,” Akella said.
Megs finally found her voice. “There are more where that one came from.”
You’re not supposed to be here,Megs wanted to say. You left me alone again, even after you told me you wouldn’t. You left me.
Unbidden, Megs’s mind flashed to Azza. Azza, whom she’d shared a bed with in part because her grief over losing Akella had never fully healed. Azza, who had never quite fit into the empty space in Megs’s heart that Akella had left behind, just as Megs knew she had never quite fit into Azza’s heart, either.
But now, here was that piece of her heart that had been stolen too soon, standing right in front of her. A ghost made flesh. A stranger. She’d never been much more than that, not really. Just a stranger who represented a possibility.
A stranger Megs had fallen for despite herself.
Linna cleared her throat. “Milo told me time passed differently here. But, Akella, why are you here – I mean here in this ship? Why aren’t you with the Commander and the Empress?” Her expression shifted from curious to suspicious. “And if you’ve been here six months, by your count… what have you been doing here all this time?”
Akella managed to wrench her gaze away from Megs and onto Linna, launching into the story of how she, the Empress, and the Commander sailed from Reit to Persopos but landed in an abandoned city to the north, hiding their boat while they tried to blend in with the shadow infected and sneak into the palace at the top of the city.
But Megs barely managed to listen. She held back a desperate urge to touch Akella, to convince herself that the woman was truly here. The urge was made even stronger by the fact that Megs had never touched her, had never skimmed her fingers along the pirate’s rich brown skin, had never traced the tattoos that covered the back of each hand. The rational part of herself had held back from succumbing to the pirate’s advances all those years ago, had somehow known that the moment she touched Akella, everything would change irrevocably. But here she was again, alive, right in front of Megs, and every cell in Megs’s body screamed that this was no illusion, no dream.
Megs kept her hands loosely at her sides, as if her arms and hands were relaxed, as if there was no war raging inside her.
She thought of Azza again, of burying the charred remains of her body not three months earlier. But instead of the gods punishing Megs for Azza’s death like they should have, they’d brought her Akella, back from the dead. Or perhaps this was the gods’ punishment; perhaps they would bring Akella back just long enough to reawaken Megs’s brutalized heart, then take her away again.
Akella finished her tale, and silence fell like a heavy curtain around them.
But then Linna pulled the curtain back roughly. “So do you know where the Empress and the Commander are being held?”
“I’m sure they’re in the palace,” Akella said. “I can’t imagine he’d keep them anywhere he couldn’t get to them swiftly.” She put a hand against her ribcage – a new reflex Megs hadn’t seen before. “Once I healed, I came back here every week, searching for them amongst the shadow infected. But I’ve never seen them.”
Linna’s face darkened. “And you’ve let them stay there, with him, for almost six months?”
Akella hesitated. “I was injured. And alone. But I’m here now.”
“You left them,” Linna said, tone low and dangerous.
“No, it wasn’t like that,” Akella said defensively. “I got injured by one of the Order, and for a brief moment, I became like – like all the other ones.” She pointed at the crumpled pile of clothing that had held a shadow-infected man in it only a minute earlier. “The Commander used her dagger to … before I could truly lose myself. But it cost her too much time and we were already outmatched. By the time the Commander brought me back to myself, Order members were flocking towards us, appearing everywhere. So I made a strategic retreat. And I assumed the Commander and Empress would retreat with me, and we would regroup outside the city. But when they didn’t show up by nightfall, I went back to where we’d hidden the ship. I focused on healing, and I kept thinking they would turn up. They didn’t.” Her face was pained when she looked at Linna and spread her hands. “Look, I came back for them, didn’t I?”
Linna’s face had settled into a scowl. “I mourned you. I mourned you right along with them. I thought you’d died during the battle, defending the Empress. But this whole time … for years …”
“Months,” Akella corrected. “It’s only been months for me.”
But it was clear Linna wouldn’t listen anymore. “The Commander was right about you all along, Akella. You’re nothing but a selfish coward.”
Akella jerked her head back as if she’d been slapped. “Oh, I see. I’m a coward for not letting myself get killed or captured.”
“Five years, Akella!” Linna said hoarsely, keeping her volume just below a shout. “They’ve been his prisoners for five years, while you… what, exactly? Fished?”
Akella huffed. “I almost died for your bloody Empress – more times than I can count. And you know what? I probably should’ve been a coward. I should’ve set sail the moment I could hoist a sail up a mast, yet here I am, back to help her. Again. And I’m sorry so many years have passed for you, little seagull. But for me, it’s been a few months. A few months while I let myself heal and came up with a plan. If I planned to leave them, I would have done so by now. Think about that before you start throwing around your self-righteous accusations.”
“I’m not your little seagull,” Linna said hotly. She spun on her heel, but in the ship’s cramped cargo hold, there was nowhere to escape to, so she paced like a caged mountain leopard.
Shock at Linna’s behavior cut through the shock at finding Akella alive and whole. Megs had never seen Linna like this, the girl she’d come to think of as a trusted friend over the past few months. Linna never lost control; even during fights she’d always remained utterly cool. Akella’s admissions had brought out a totally different side to her.
Reaching out, Megs touched Linna’s shoulder lightly. “Linna –”
Linna brushed Megs’s hand away. “Don’t.”
That annoyed Megs. “Don’t be a child. How was Akella to know that every month that passed amounted to nearly a year?”
“She shouldn’t have left them with him.”
“Would you prefer her dead?” Megs retorted. “Or imprisoned alongside them? Would that really have been better? Calm down and use your head.”
In the five or six minutes that had passed since they ambushed Akella, who was still dripping wet in her small clothes, three more shadow infected had walked past them as though nothing of interest was occurring. Another one passed Megs now, depositing her crate of weapons atop the others before turning around and heading back to the ship’s surface.
This was all taking too long.
Akella must have had the same thought. Apparently letting go of her attempt to convince Linna of her innocence, Akella picked up the clothes from the pile of dust that had been a man only five or six minutes earlier. Holding the tunic before her, she gave it one strong shake, wrinkled her nose, and pulled it on over her head.
“Feel free to stay here, little seagull, focusing on all the ways in which I failed you,” said the pirate as she shrugged into the tunic. “But I’ll be going now. I got myself a plan for getting your bloody Empress out of here. Oughta leave the Commander, but I suppose I’ll try getting her out, too.”
At last Linna stopped pacing. She turned, facing Megs and Akella again. For a moment, she only watched as Akella continued to pull on the dead man’s clothes.
“I’m sorry.” Linna took a long breath, seeming to gather herself. She pushed the hair that had come loose from her ponytail behind her ears. Like Megs’s hair, Linna’s had grown stringy in the weeks they’d spent aboard the ship, hiding from the shadow-infected sailors in the cargo hold like rats. “You have to understand, I …” She tried again. “It took me years to fully accept that the Empress and the Commander were dead. And that you were dead, too. Then I found out they weren’t dead after all. I guess it’s – it’s not really that I blame you for the Empress and Commander being trapped here. It’s me I blame. I should’ve … I don’t know, I should’ve listened to Milo sooner, regardless of what everyone else said. I could’ve come for you years ago.”
Akella sat on the cargo hold’s floor, rune-marked blade beside her as she pulled on one of the dead man’s boots, then the other. Instead of replying to Linna’s apology directly, she stood and placed both palms on the girl’s cheeks, a silent gesture of both affection and forgiveness.
“I’m glad you’re alive,” Akella said without looking at either one of them. She picked up a pair of trousers. “Both of you. And not just because I’d rather fight this battle with you at my side than on my own. But right now, we need more disguises.” She glanced up, and for a brief moment, Megs thought she saw a whole constellation of emotions in Akella’s dark eyes – relief, sadness, surprise, urgency. “Unless you’re planning to try sneaking into Persopos in a palace guard’s uniform?”
Megs glanced over her shoulder. Another shadow-infected drone – another woman – trudged towards them with a crate in her arms.
Megs drew her dagger. “This one’s my size.”