And somehow, I feel like it’s my fault for not noticing something was up with Miles. I should have offered to take on more of his responsibilities. I should have removed some of that stress from his shoulders.
I sit down and pull up a book online. I need something to distract myself before I dig deep into those thoughts, all the what-ifs, and could-haves.
Sophie’s voice sometimes drifts through the haze of the novel, but I only pull myself away when Nick nudges me.
I see Roman pull the curtain back and notice how shitty Miles looks. He’s pale, his eyes are cloudy, and he’s thinner. I’ve never seen him look … delicate before. I swallow the frustration, the hurt, and nod to him.
Miles chuckles then dissolves into coughs.
Roman walks around the other side of the bed. Miles nods to him after he whispers something in Miles’ ear. Miles pats Sophie’s hand. “I think that doctor is still here. Why don’t you go ask the nurses?”
Her eyes harden, and she walks out of the room like she’s going to bend the entire hospital to her needs. Miles smiles after her. His pride radiates from him, and for a second, I see the Miles I’ve known.
He motions us close. “Look, I don’t know how this is going to go, but I can’t let Sophie go back to her mom.”
“Why?” Holden asks, breaking the silence he’s maintained since we got on the plane. “Is she bad to Sophia?”
“She has … strong beliefs.” He adjusts the IV in his arm. “I just want to make sure she’s taken care of. She’s doing well at work, and I don’t want her to lose this opportunity.”
“We’ll take care of her,” Nick assures him.
Miles glances from me to Roman. I know what he’s searching for. He’s used to us cracking a smile or teasing if we’ve pushed a boundary, but I don’t feel much like jokes right now even if that would be easier.
I nod. “We will, Miles, but right now, you need to focus on getting better. It doesn’t matter if we’re here. Sophie still needs you.”
“She’s grown up. She doesn’t need me.” He coughs again. “All of you should get checked up. Just in case.”
“We will,” Roman says. “Don’t worry about Sophie. We’ll make sure she’s going to work, taking care of herself, all of that. Focus on you right now, Miles.”
He nods and lays back. “We’re not as young anymore. I miss when we could deal with broken ribs like it was nothing. Cigarettes fixed those chest pains, and whiskey took care of everything else.”
“Peak picture of health,” I grunt.
He chuckles and nods, then adjusts the oxygen just under his nose. He shakes his head. “I feel like I should be doing something. I hate being useless like this.”
“Shut up.” I snort. “You need to be working on getting better. That’s useful. So rest and put all that fucking energy on fixing your insides.”
Miles rolls his eyes. Nick approaches. “You hungry?”
“I get three meals a day.” He shrugs. “I almost like the jello now.”
We chuckle, and Roman pats his shoulder. “You know Sophia isn’t going to want to leave your side.”
“Well, she doesn’t have a choice. She can visit once a day – after work – but her life doesn’t need to revolve around me.” He shrugs. “I wish I would have taken some time off before you guys left. There’s so much I wanted to do with her.”
“Don’t talk like you’re dying,” Nick murmurs.
Miles looks at each of us and nods. “Right. I’m just tired. The last forty-eight hours have been a lot.”
“One of us will stay with Sophie until the end of visiting hours.” Holden decides. “We don’t need to add to your stress.”
“Or need you stressing us out.” I huff. “Making me feel old and shit.”
Miles chuckles. “Keep me in the loop with work and everything else, okay? Just because I’m here … well … if I don’t keep in mind that I’m working for something, I’m going to go insane.”
“Absolutely not.” Sophie barks.
She comes up from behind me and crosses her arms over her chest. It doesn’t matter that she has bags under her eyes, that her nose is red, and her lips are trembling. She’s clearly taking charge. She points at her father.
“According to the doctor, you’re this bad because you’re overworked, not getting enough sleep, eating crap food, and over stressed. You’re going to sit here, read, watch TV, eat, and get totally bored.”
Miles smiles. “Yes, dear.”
“I mean it, Dad. I’ll even bribe the nurses to steal your phone if I have to. Behave and get better. We have things to do.” She orders.
Roman arches his eyebrows at me, and I nod. “Sophie, we can stay until we’re kicked out. The guys are going home to get things straightened out and get ready for work tomorrow.”
“Fine.” Her eyes don’t leave her father. “Promise me you’re going to put yourself first.”
“Soph.”
“Or me! Put me first.” She sits on the bed next to him and takes his hand. “Because I want to have more time with you, Daddy. Don’t take that away from me when it’s so easy to get better.”
He cups her face gently, and I see the love in his eyes. The kind of look I’ve never seen on his face. He leans forward and nods as the guys head out.
Sophie says something too softly for me to hear, and Miles sighs. “Sophie … I promise. I’ll try.”
“No trying.” She shakes her head. “You have to do it. For me, Dad. Please.”
I take a step back. This moment is way too private for me to be here. Not only do I feel like shit considering I spent all that time in Italy distracting her, screwing her … but I completely ignored my dad when he was passing. I couldn’t watch cancer take my own father, and I can’t watch Miles whither away either.