Billie.
I turned my head, craning it around, trying to see, and finally spied her across the room standing next to Michelle. They were dressed as Thing 1 and Thing 2 from The Cat in the Hat, and Billie was obviously singing the ‘Thing 1 and Thing 2’ song from the animated special that used to come on during the weekends. Screw the Mike Myers live action film, that animated version was fun as hell.
All around Billie was a crowd of people. Michelle looked a bit uncomfortable with the attention, but Billie was basking in it. She looked cute as a damn button in her outfit, with blue freckles painted on her face and her hair sprayed blue with that colored hairspray. I could’ve eaten her up if she’d let me.
Billie bounced around, doing different voices and joking about how she was going to wreak havoc all over the house, really getting into character. It was hilarious. There were several guys around her trying to ask more suggestive questions about the kind of ‘naughty’ things she’d get up to in the house. If she’d ruin a bed, for instance.
One of the men, I realized, was Carter.
I had to hold in my jealousy and frustration as I watched Carter waggle his eyebrows at her and lean into her. Billie seemed to be trying to respond but also a bit bored, like she was trying to be polite, maybe? There was no spark of interest in her eyes, though, no heat, not like what I saw in her when we were arguing.
Or maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part.
Dammit. I mentally smacked myself. Billie wasn’t interested in me. I had to accept that. I couldn’t stand around watching this, though, so I slipped around to the back porch for some air.
My mask was feeling tight and restrictive, hard to breathe, so I took it off. The cool night air on my face definitely helped. But it didn’t change the fact that somewhere inside, Billie was flirting up a storm with people who weren’t me.
The air smelled crisp, that special kind of taste to it that it got in the fall. It always reminded me of Christmas because as a kid, I would sense the change in the air and remember that winter—and therefore Christmas—was on its way.
My Christmas was going to be pretty bleak this year, all on my own. Not that the last four hadn’t been bleak either, off on tour. But at least I’d been with my squad, all the other people missing their families and far away from home. I’d sort of avoided talking about my family, or lack of one, and we’d all just tried to make the day as nice as we could for each other.
Here, though, I’d be seeing everyone else get to have their place, be with their loved ones, and know that I was the odd man out. Just like this Halloween party, but worse.
Fuck. Why did I do this to myself? Why had I come back? I could’ve gone anywhere, found new people who didn’t know me and didn’t carry any kind of grudge, made new friends and family. But instead I’d come back here and was torturing myself with all that I wanted and could never have.
“Oh my God. Pike?”
Ah, shit. The one person I didn’t want to talk to.
I turned to see Amber standing there, staring at me. “I thought…” She shook her head. “I thought I recognized your profile but I told myself I was crazy, that you wouldn’t be here and that if you were you wouldn’t be lurking on the back porch, you’d be the life of the party. But I had to make sure and—lo and behold, it is you!”
She stepped out onto the porch and closed the door behind her, muffling the sounds of the party a bit. “What the hell are you doing back here? Where have you been all this time?”
“I enlisted,” I told her, taking a swig of beer.
Amber folded her arms and raised an eyebrow. “The town’s bad boy, the one who the Sheriff automatically called if any kind of graffiti or fireworks or whatever other nonsense was found, the guy who nearly got kicked out of high school three times for pranks—signed up to join the army?” She shook her head. “I don’t believe it.”
I shrugged. “Believe it or not.”
Amber put her hands on her hips. “Why did you never reach out to me?”
“I was giving you space after our breakup.”
“Four years sure seems like a lot of space.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle, and Amber giggled in response. “I’ll forgive you, though,” she said lightly, “if you go get me a beer.”
“All right, fair enough.” Talking to Amber wasn’t as bad as I’d thought it would be. I wasn’t attracted to her and didn’t want her like that anymore, but we did have good times together once. Maybe with her I could wax nostalgic finally and feel positive about my time in this town. “I’ll be back.”