CHAPTER22
Kim pulled the covers up to her chin and waited for Justin to return. She’d screwed up again. How hard was it not to move? She knew she’d disappointed him, and she hated it, but she hadn’t expected to react as she had. Tears had threatened to fall as he’d brought her over to the bed and bound her wrists.
It wasn’t being cuffed that had caused the surge of emotion. He’d tied her up before. No, it was realizing she’d ruined their perfect night together.
After he’d taken her mind off her crappy day with dinner and ice skating, she’d wanted to give him her submission. She’d wanted it so badly, but in the end, she hadn’t been able to do it. When she’d felt all the different sensations—pain from him removing the clamp—the heat of his mouth—and the cold from... Well, she didn’t know what exactly.
Everything had hit her at once and she’d reacted before she was able to stop herself. She’d told him she could remain still on her own, but that hadn’t been true.
As the seconds ticked by, her melancholy grew. She wasn’t good at being submissive.
Justin strolled back into the room. She heard him approach the bed, but she was afraid to look at him. The mattress dipped with his weight as he sat down next to her. “I brought you some water.”
“I’m okay,” she whispered.
“Kim.”
Reluctantly, she turned her head so she could see him. He was still naked.
Placing the mug on the nightstand next to her head, he took hold of her shoulders and lifted. She let out a little squeak as he moved her to a sitting position.
Kim gathered the blanket and once more attempted to cover herself. She wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t seen every inch of her before.
She’s barely gotten it over her breasts when he pulled it back down again. “No hiding.”
“I’m not hiding.”
“Really?” He tilted his head down and raised one of his eyebrows. “What are you doing, then?”
Not sure how to answer that, she deflected. “It’s late and I’m tired.”
“Is that your way of trying to kick me out?”
Was it? She wasn’t sure. A part of her did want him to leave, but not because she didn’t want him in her bed. She wanted him there. Always. But she also couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d never be able to do the things he needed her to do. Hell, the things she wanted to do for him.
But she kept messing up. Her brain kept getting in the way. She’d watched enough submissives in the club to know how it worked.
When she didn’t answer, he tilted her chin toward him and forced her to meet his gaze. “What happened tonight?”
“You know what happened.”
He shook his head. “I’m not talking about you disobeying me.” Justin rubbed his thumb along her cheek. “Why were you crying?”
“I wasn’t crying.” It was a weak denial and they both knew it. “I was just...upset.”
“Why?”
“You know why.”
Justin sighed. “This is going to be a very long conversation if you keep telling me I already know the answer to the question I asked. If I knew the answer, I wouldn’t be asking.” He paused. “Now, explain to me why you were upset.”
“You told me not to move and I did. Twice. I thought I could do it. I thought I could remain still no matter what you did, but I couldn’t.”
Her response was met with silence. She didn’t want to look at him and see the realization that she was a horrible submissive, but she couldn’t help herself.
He was frowning. “Do you think the submissives at the club always obey their Doms’ orders?”
Kim crossed her arms over her chest, but when his frown turned into a scowl, she dropped them again. She picked at the threads on her blanket to give her something to do besides look at him. “Yes.”
Justin snorted, which caused her to glance up.
“What?” she asked.
“Even Kate, one of the best trained submissives I’ve ever met, disobeys her husband every now and then.” He paused. “There are some harsh punishments involved for her not following his orders, but it does happen.”
She didn’t believe it. Granted, she didn’t know Kate that well, but every time Kim had seen her at the club, she’d been a model submissive...something Kim doubted she’d ever be. “Like when?”
Justin chuckled. “Like when a repairman came by their house two days ahead of schedule and she answered the door.”
“She isn’t allowed to answer the door? Why?” Her voice had gone up an octave.
A knowing smile pulled at his lips. “Kate isn’t allowed to wear clothes at home, so she had to put on a robe to answer the door.”
“So, she has to ask permission to wear clothes inside the house?” For some reason, Kim felt angry on Kate’s behalf.
He nodded.
That sounded...that was... “That’s barbaric.”
His eyebrows rose again. This time, in amusement. “Then I guess I shouldn’t tell you what her punishment for disobeying was.”
“He punished her?” Kim was sitting up. “For putting on a robe?” She wasn’t sure what she was going to do, but she felt the urge to do something.
“Of course.” He canted his head to the side. “Why are you angry? Kate knew what she was doing. She made a conscious choice to disobey her husband.
“But...”
The words died on her lips. But what? Justin was right. As much as she hated to admit it, he was right.
She met his gaze, pleading in her eyes. “I’ll never be like that. I can’t.”
“Have I ever asked you to be like Kate?”
“No.”
Justin took hold of her hand and brought it to rest against his thigh. He wasn’t hard anymore, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t aware of him. How she could still be aroused after all this, she didn’t know. “Kate and her husband negotiated their relationship the same way we did, but they have different kinks than we do. Kate gets off on her husband having total control over her in most aspects of their life.”
That was hard to wrap her head around. She couldn’t fathom someone wanting to give up that much control to their partner.
“That scares you, doesn’t it?”
He was massaging the skin along her wrist, and it was distracting her. “Yes.” She paused. “At the submissive group, Jeff mentioned Nicole wants to use a violet wand on him.”
“I see.” His tone was neutral, and Kim didn’t like it. She couldn’t get a read on him.
“He doesn’t want to.”
“You sure about that?” he asked.
Kim opened her mouth, but then closed it once more. Was she? He’d been unsure...nervous. But as she thought back to the conversation, she couldn’t recall him ever saying he didn’t want his Domme to use it on him.
Blowing out a tired breath, she admitted what he probably already knew. “No.”
“There are safewords in this lifestyle for a reason.” When she didn’t say anything more, he turned the spotlight back on her. “Kim, I don’t expect you to be perfect. You’re new to this and you’re going to mess up. Probably a lot.” He shrugged. “We deal with it and move on.”
“Deal with it?” She wasn’t sure she liked that. Especially given their very recent conversation.
“If you break a rule, there are consequences. You know that.” He paused. “And sometimes knowing you’ve disappointed your Dom is punishment enough.”
She’d heard other submissives say that they’d disappointed their Doms at the club. Some of them had sounded as if the world were ending. Others seemed to brush it off as if it were no big thing.
Kim thought back to how she’d felt tonight after failing to hold still like Justin had asked her. Even though she hadn’t been able to see his face, she’d known he was disappointed she didn’t do what she’d assured him she could. The feeling of failure had overwhelmed her.
“I don’t like disappointing you.” The admission left her with mixed feelings.
He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. “I know.”
Justin dropped her hand and stood. “Do you want me to stay tonight, or would you rather be alone?”
She pressed her lips together. He was letting her decide. Did she want him to stay or go?
Reaching over to the opposite side of the bed, she flipped the blanket down. “Stay.”
He nodded, walked to the other side of the bed, and slid in next to her. She could feel his warmth and was drawn to it.
Justin reached for her, and she couldn’t get into his arms fast enough. He tucked her head into his shoulder and kissed the top of her head. “Good night.”
She nuzzled her nose against his collarbone. “Good night.”
Justin spent the next few days thinking about how he could help Kim. He needed to build her confidence. While the advice he’d gotten from Daniel about introducing one thing at a time was sound, he was thinking he needed to break it down even further. Kim needed some wins, and it was his responsibility to help her achieve them.
He picked her up on Friday evening and headed to the club. The coat she wore covered whatever outfit she was wearing, which was both good and bad. It meant that whatever she was wearing was short and would give him easy access to her. But it also meant he couldn’t see what was his.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hello.” His gaze raked over her from head to foot. “Unbutton your coat.”
She opened her mouth to argue, then closed it again and began opening her coat.
Little by little, she revealed the red dress she was wearing. It looked to be soft...velvet maybe. The dress clung to her curves, then flared at the waist. He hadn’t intended for them to start playing yet, but he couldn’t resist. Besides, it was easy and would give him something to build on later. “Open your legs.”
He heard her intake of breath a moment before she spread her legs.
They were still sitting in the parking lot in front of her apartment, so he needed to be discreet. As much as he’d love to finger fuck her right then, he didn’t want to get caught by one of her neighbors. “Are you wearing panties?”
“No, Sir.”
Pleased, he nodded. “Good girl.” Then he removed the vibrator from his pocket and handed it to her. “Stick this in your pussy.”
She took the vibrator from him. It was shaped like a small dildo with a flat end that had two wings. The wings were meant to go on either side of her clit.
Kim looked at him with wide eyes. “Here?”
He remained silent and waited to see what she’d do.
When she realized he was serious, she lifted her skirt, shifted in her seat, and placed the object where he’d instructed her to. When she removed her hand, he grabbed hold of it and inspected her fingers. He could smell her scent, which meant she was already wet.
Sucking two of her fingers into his mouth, he moaned at the small taste of her. It had been too long since he’d eaten her pussy. A problem he had every intention of rectifying tonight.
He released her fingers with a pop, not missing how her breathing had increased. “Put your seat belt on. We need to get going.”
Once Kim was strapped in, he backed out of the parking lot and drove toward the club. They were a mile or so down the road before he slipped a hand into his pocket and turned on the device.
“Oh.” Her shocked surprise brought a smile to his lips. He wanted her pussy dripping by the time they got to the club.
As they weaved their way through the city, he changed the vibrations. Every time she got too close to coming, he’d lower the setting.
By the time they reached the club, Kim was gripping the sides of her seat. Her chest was moving up and down with exaggerated breaths.
He switched off the toy and exited the vehicle. Kim didn’t move when he opened the door for her. “Remove the vibrator and button your coat back up before you get out of the car.”
Kim looked up at him as if only now realizing he was standing there. Her hand disappeared under her skirt as she removed the device. As she held it in her hand, he couldn’t help but notice how wet it was as she tried to decide what to do with it.
“I’ll take it,” he said, holding out his hand.
She placed the vibrator in his palm and hurried to refasten her coat. Then, as if she was unsure her legs would hold her weight, she climbed out of the car.
A knowing grin bloomed on his face as he watched her find her feet. She narrowed her eyes at him. “This is your fault.”
Justin laughed. “Come on. Let’s get you inside. I have plans for you tonight.”
“I’m not sure I can walk.” She took a tentative step forward as he locked up the car.
“Here,” he said, circling his arm around her waist. “I’ll make sure you don’t fall. Especially in those sexy heels you’re wearing.”
“I thought you might like them.”
He hummed. “I’m going to enjoy fucking you in them later.”
She stopped walking.
“Everything all right?” he asked.
“No.”
He waited.
Blowing out a breath, she started moving again. “I’m so horny right now I feel like I’m going to explode and you talking like that isn’t helping.”
A deep belly laugh overtook him as they reached the club. He opened the door and ushered her inside. Swiping his membership card, he let them into the main foyer. “I’ll keep that in mind for later.” He winked at her before guiding her over to the coat check.
Ali was behind the desk tonight. “Hi, guys.” She took their coats and hung them up in the large closet behind her.
“Are you working all night?” Justin asked.
“I’m supposed to. Did you need me for something?” Ali glanced at her friend, looking for anything amiss.
“No, but I wanted to know where you’d be if Kim needs you.” He wasn’t expecting Kim to need Ali tonight, but it was never a bad idea to have a backup plan.
Ali smiled. “Of course. And I’m sure Bridget will cover for me if I need her.”
He tipped his head in Ali’s direction, acknowledging her comment before turning his attention back to Kim. “Let’s get inside.”
Kim gave a little wave to Ali as Justin led her into the club. He guided her over to the bar. Chase, the other bartender, greeted them as they approached. “What can I get you tonight?”
His question was directed to Justin. Chase wasn’t part of the lifestyle, but he’d been working at Serpent’s Kiss long enough to know how it worked. “Two waters.”
Chase grinned and ducked behind the bar to retrieve two bottles of water. He placed them on the shiny wood surface, and Justin handed over his membership card. After a quick swipe, Chase returned the card to its owner.
Justin adjusted both bottles in one hand, carrying them by their lids. Putting pressure on Kim’s lower back, he turned them both toward the stairs.
“We’re going upstairs?” she asked.
“Yes.”
It was the only answer he gave her as they ascended the stairs to the second floor. As they neared the top, he could already hear the sounds of play. They were muted behind the doors of the playrooms, but it was hard to mask the sound of whips and floggers without soundproof rooms.
Several people were standing in front of various rooms, watching the play happening inside. Justin paused outside of the second room to his right when he noticed Daniel inside. He had Emma, an uncollared sub, secured to a St. Andrew’s cross while he flogged her.
Since picking up on the interesting vibes between Daniel and Ali, he’d been paying more attention to the older Dom. As he watched the scene in front of him, he realized he’d never seen Daniel do anything with a submissive recently that involved more than tying them to a St. Andrew’s cross and flogging them.
When Justin first joined the club, Daniel would play with subs often. He was very popular with the club’s submissives for his expertise in flogging, even back then. But the scenes then would typically include more than flogging. Thinking back, he recalled a scene where Daniel had a sub laid out on a table, much like a gourmet meal, while he placed various food items on her body and licked them off. It had been extremely sensual to watch. But he hadn’t seen Daniel do any scenes like that for at least the last year and he was now thinking that was because of Ali.
“Does that hurt?” Kim asked from beside him.
Justin looked over at her, then back at the scene. “Floggers tend to deliver more of a thud than a sting, but it depends on the type of flogger and the material it’s made out of.”
Not wanting to spend the entire night being a voyeur, he moved them away from the viewing window. They ended up in the same room they’d been in the week before. Justin had reserved the room because it was one of the few where the window could be blocked. Kim had marked exhibitionism as something she was unsure about. It wasn’t something he wished to test this early on in their relationship.
This time, he allowed her to observe as he darkened the window, giving them privacy. Tonight was about building her confidence as a submissive, not only about building trust. He needed for her to see that she could be a good sub. It was just going to take time.
He selected a pillow from the corner and placed it in the middle of the room. “Remove your clothes and kneel. Leave the shoes on for now.”
Kim pushed the narrow straps of her dress from her shoulders and shimmied it down her hips. He offered her a steadying hand as she stepped out of the dress. Kim handed the outfit to him and lowered herself to the floor onto the pillow. She bowed her head, spread her legs, and placed her hands in an upturned position on her thighs, awaiting his instructions.