Chapter 4
“I’m dying.”
Stella flopped face down on the turquoise leather couch in Mae’s open plan living area and groaned heartily.
“What is it this time?” Behind the breakfast bar Mae flicked the jug on and pulled two brightly patterned mugs out of a cupboard. “Tulips in autumn? A five course gourmet meal for under a thousand bucks?”
“The mother-in-laws,” Stella grumbled, burrowing her face into a cheery yellow throw pillow. “Always the bloody mother-in-laws. I don’t have the strength for it today.”
“You have the strength for anything,” Mae claimed airily, pulling the milk out of the fridge.
“Not today. I’m exhausted. I threw up twice before the dress shopping and then had to spend ninety minutes listening to Mrs Rawiri bemoan the lack of modesty in young women today while she vetoed every decent dress in her daughter-in-law’s budget.” Stella rolled over onto her back, so she could see Mae pouring the water for the tea.
Sweet, sweet tea.
“I can’t believe how tan you still are,” she continued as Mae set the kettle back on the counter. “It’s been nearly two months since the wedding and you look like you just got back from Avali.”
Mae ignored her. “You threw up?”
“Twice. It was revolting.”
“Are you pregnant?”
“Of course not,” Stella scoffed, even as apprehension slid along her spine.
Mae levelled her with a look.
“No?”
“No.” Stella replied firmly.
“Prove it.” Mae rummaged through her handbag on the kitchen counter.
Instinctively, Stella caught the item that was tossed her way.
“A pregnancy test? Why do you have this in your handbag?”
Mae shrugged.
“I’m a newlywed. Those things are like breath mints to us. You gotta keep them everywhere just in case.”
Sighing, Stella rose from the couch and headed towards the bathroom.
Eight weeks since the wedding. Did I have a period in there? Surely. But they’re irregular anyway. Jessie’s little brother was in the office last week when he was too sick to go to school. Could I have caught something off him?
Ablutions completed, she returned to the couch.
“What if it’s positive?” Mae’s voice was kind as she handed Stella her tea.
“It won’t be. I’m just taking this to get you off my case.”
Two minutes later, Stella stared in disbelief at two very pink lines in the test window. Panic swelled in her, tightening her chest and churning a tight, hot roil in her stomach.
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
Mae patted her shoulder.
“Congratulations, mama.”
Stella swallowed thickly.
“You’re not seeing anyone?”
“No,” Stella replied faintly. Her voice sounded very far away.
“Okay.” Mae hopped off the couch and rummaged in her bag again, coming up with her phone.
In the background, Stella could hear Mae making an appointment with her doctor as the fuzz in her head slowly cleared.
Right, the doctor. That made sense. What else?
To do list. Doctor. Confirmation. Freak the eff out.
Mae thumbed off her phone and tossed it on the counter as she made her way back to the couch. “Wednesday at ten. The benefits of having the same doctor huh?”
“Lucky me.” Her voice was as hollow as her stomach.
“Lucky you. So. You know I have to ask…” Mae hesitated and Stella arched an eyebrow at her. “The father?”
Nausea rose in Stella’s throat again, the metallic note clanging against her tastebuds, filling her mouth with the tang of regret and fear.
“Just a guy.”
Mae’s eyebrows shot skywards.
“Just a guy?” Incredulity laced her voice. “Not Steve-The-Plumber or Mountain-Goat-Carson who wouldn’t trim his fingernails or Chris-On-The-Beach-At-New-Years? You always have a name.”
Stella shrugged, guilt washing over her.
“Just a guy.”
“Right,” Mae drew the word out sarcastically. ”Just a guy. Like the guy you lost your virginity to. He was just a guy too, right?
Stella winced, and Mae’s eyes widened.
“Oh my god. They’re the same guy. It’s Aleki, isn’t it?”
Silence hung in the air as Stella examined the contents of her mug of tea with abnormal interest.
“I should have known.” A thread of accusation ran through Mae’s voice. “You left Avali the day after the wedding, and you’ve never once left a holiday early before. Not even when you got food poisoning in Brunei and lost six kilos in a week.”
“I was sick,” Stella insisted, gripping her mug as the lie rolled off her tongue.
“Sick of being stuck in the same house as your ex, maybe,” Mae retorted. “How could you not tell me this at uni? Oh my god, Stel, I asked you to stay at his house for a week to organise the wedding. I would never have done that if I’d known!”
Resigned to her fate, Stella shrugged and sipped her tea.
“It is what it is. Your wedding was more important than my feelings.”
“Well obviously not all of your feelings,” Mae observed drily. “Because there must have been a bit of feeling going on to wind up in this predicament.”
“You’re not funny.”
“I’m hilarious. But seriously, Stel-” Mae’s voice sombered. “What are you going to do?”
Stella sank her head into her hands, as images of potential outcomes assuaged her like fuzzy Polaroids. A sterile hospital environment. Going home to an empty apartment. Continuing her life as she knew it but never knowing what could have been. Opening her door in twenty years to a grown man or woman whose name she didn’t even know, seeking a connection, an explanation from her. A brown-skinned baby kicking its legs on the middle of a sheepskin rug in the middle of her living room.
How much do sheepskin rugs cost?
“I have no idea,” she admitted, the words whooshing out of her like air from a balloon, leaving a sense of deflation behind. “This wasn’t part of the plan.”
* * *