Speaking of teenagers, my cousin Sadie is the worst. She’s almost sixteen, and no matter what family function we’re at will have her phone out at all times – even when she’s being bitched at by my Aunt Shelley to put it away.
But, like an addict, she refuses. At our other cousin’s baby shower,
Sadie stood in the corner taking selfies by the fireplace – and then there was me, watching her. It was so bizarre. I mean, not to completely get off topic here, but… have you ever sat and really watched someone taking selfies in public? Do you think they have any clue how idiotic they look?
Hilarious.
Anyways, my point is: Here I am, eleven o’clock on a Thursday night, sitting on the couch… channel surfing and texting my roommate’s brother, who, by all accounts, is only nice to me via social media.
And now won’t even message me back.
Go figure.
CHAPTER 10
CECELIA
“Keep talking. I’m diagnosing you.”
– Overheard between a girl and her date in the University Café.
TO: Cecelia Carter
DATE: September 23, 2014 at 04:13:27 PM CST
FROM: Matthew Wakefield
Subject: Waz Sup.
How was the rest of your weekend?
MSW
Sent from my iPhone
TO: Matthew Wakefield
DATE: September 23, 2014 at 05:11:44 PM CST
FROM: Cecelia Carter
Subject: This is what I think about you waiting days to message me.
[blank stare]
Sent from my Android SmartPhone
I wonder if he’ll get that I’m pissed. And yes, I really do think guys are that clueless.
TO: Cecelia Carter
DATE: September 23, 2014 at 05:24:32 PM CST
FROM: Matthew Wakefield
Subject: Whoa.
Ok. Maybe I deserved that, but in my defense if I didn’t have to shack up with McGrath so often I would have more time to sit and enjoy myself more. That moron is always interrupting my fun by being a nosy S.O.B. So this weekend after he came out of the bathroom, he ambushed me, took my phone and shoved the battery down his boxers & I had to literally tackle him before he started doing lunges. That dude is a freak.
MSW
Sent from my iPhone
TO: Matthew Wakefield
DATE: September 23, 2014 at 05:28:09 PM CST
FROM: Cecelia Carter
Subject: LOL.
I think I just peed my pants laughing. I know that’s not a lady like thing to say, but you’ve already called me a psycho and a banshee, so I hardly think it matters at this point. I mean – we are pen pals after all… Are you guys back from your road trip? Wanna hear something hilarious? Your MOM sent me a note… not that I’m going to tell you what it was about. - C
Sent from my Android SmartPhone
TO: Cecelia Carter
DATE: September 23, 2014 at 05:40:32 PM CST
FROM: Matthew Wakefield
Subject: WHAT???????????????????????
Okay, FIRST OF ALL, you cannot drop a bomb like that and then not tell me what it said. You know that if you don’t I’m only going to call her, right? Knowing her it was to find out if I’m leaving you alone. My damn sister can’t mind her own business. Does she boss you around too? To answer your question, yeah, we are home. For two weeks actually, and I’m not sure I’m going on the next road trip. Wes and I coach this youth hockey group and they have a small invitational they’re playing in so one of us needs to be at that – since I’m only staff, it’ll have to be me. Plus, I’m the better coach. And you can mention that to dipshit the next time you see him.
MSW
Sent from my iPhone
TO: Matthew Wakefield
DATE: September 23, 2014 at 06:15:03 PM CST
FROM: Cecelia Carter
Subject: Where to begin.
Wait. Did I already know you two coached a youth league? That’s so great! One time I majored in Early Childhood Development, but then I changed my mind. Obviously. Yeah, that was random… As for your question – Does Molly boss me around? I think we BOTH boss each other around. Honestly, she’s so easy to live with. The only other time we fought was that day you came over and I almost laid you out ;) She didn’t care for my high handed tactics. Also, there was an argument over some missing Twinkies… How do you like coaching kids? – C
PS - Your mother’s note started like this: “Dear Cecelia. Please excuse my son…”
Sent from my Android SmartPhone
TO: Cecelia Carter
DATE: September 23, 2014 at 06:42:12 PM CST
FROM: Matthew Wakefield
Subject: Would You Rather: the embarrassing mom addition
Have your mom randomly email a girl (or in your case, a guy) and apologize for your behavior OR! Have your mom show up at your university wearing a tee shirt with your face screen printed on it?
MSW
Sent from my iPhone
TO: Matthew Wakefield
DATE: September 23, 2014 at 06:45:22 PM CST
FROM: Cecelia Carter
Subject: Um….
That’s an easy one - I would rather have my mom show up to my university wearing a tee shirt with my face screen printed on it. But wait – I have a feeling YOUR mom has done that already, so does that question actually count..? I played Lacrosse growing up, and if you know anything about that, it’s not really a sport your parents show up to wearing the same kind of paraphernalia that say, hockey parents show up wearing. My mom’s getup was more the ‘polo shirt’ variety Do your parents ever go to watch the team you coach? Next line of your mom’s email: “Even though I tried my best, sometimes his manners fail him.” - C