I look past him, not saying a word, my mind immediately wondering if she’s in his condo with him, picturing them celebrating the news of her pregnancy by sleeping together again.
“Kit,” he says, his voice a little broken and mournful.
“I just came by to tell you congratulations,” I say, the words tasting like bile on my tongue.
I can’t look him in the eye.
“She deserves your best,” I say, my jaw clenching.
It’s a warning of sorts on the off chance he ends up acting differently about this entire thing than I suspect he will.
“I know she does. Will you come in so we—”
I shake my head, immediately rejecting the idea.
“I have no claim over her,” I confess, hating the truth of my words. It’s been rather difficult to come to terms with that, and honestly, I’m not there fully yet. But wanting someone for a long time doesn’t give me actual ownership.
“Kit, please—”
“I’m leaving,” I tell him, having made up my mind on the drive over. “I’m not going to get in your way. I’m going to take the job with Homeland Security.”
“What? No, Kit. You can’t—”
“I ask that you don’t tell Deacon or anyone in my family until I have the chance to tell them myself.”
I nod before turning back around and walking away.
I feel the need to go to Jules and tell her the same thing, that I’m happy for her, but I need a little more time to strengthen myself for those lies.
I hit the stairs, taking them to one floor below Brooks’s. I let myself into my condo, and that’s as far as I make it. I slide down the door, head in my hands, and although I didn’t let myself feel the full brunt of what’s happening, I can’t ward off those emotions now.
Tears sting my eyes as I wish I’d never met Jules Warren in the first place.
Chapter 12
Jules
“I can’t,” I whisper. “I just can’t.”
“You didn’t fucking see his face, Jules. This is killing him.”
“I saw enough,” I say on another sob.
I’ve been crying since I got home. The tears didn’t stop with Brooks’s arrival five minutes ago, and they show no sign of ceasing.
I don’t know if it’s my real emotions making me this way or if the out-of-control hormones in my system are playing a part. All I do know is my entire world is a complete clusterfuck. I also know that I’m not going to change my mind, which leads me to understand just how selfish of a person I really am. I want to have my cake and eat it too. I think that’s a normal way to feel, but is it normal to be willing to burn down the lives of the others around you to have it?
“You saw nothing,” he snaps. “He’s fucking leaving St. Louis now.”
I snap my head up to his. The man’s eyes are as red-rimmed as mine are. “What?”
“You heard me. He stopped by my place to tell me that he’s taking a job with Homeland Security, in fucking DC.”
I shake my head. “He can’t. His family would miss him too much.”
Selfishly, I’d miss seeing him.
“We have to tell him,” he urges again.
“And then what? Do you think Beth is going to clap for joy when she finds out the truth? Do you think she’s going to open her arms and hug me because I’m having her brother’s baby? After all of that, do you think she’s still going to be my friend when she finds out—” I snap my mouth closed, the worst secret of it all nearly slipping out.
“Finds out what, Jules?” His hands scrape brutally over the top of his head. “What the fuck else are you lying about?”
“Nothing. There’s nothing else.”
I can tell by the look in his eyes that he doesn’t believe me, and I have no right to ask him to do so because I am lying. The biggest lie of them all will have to follow me to the grave.
“Jules,” he growls. “What the fuck—”
His mouth clamps closed just like mine did a moment before when a knock echoes through my house. We both know who is at the door. Beth would just let herself in, and there’s not really anyone else in my life besides people with the last name Riggs. That’s the reason I’m holding on so tightly to my secrets and lies. Losing them is my worst fear.
“Don’t answer it,” I hiss at Brooks as he turns toward the front door of my house.
He shakes his head as he refuses to listen to me, standing to the side as he opens the door.
Kit looks from him and back to me several times, anger at catching Brooks here apparent on his handsome face.
That anger quickly turns to heartbreak, desolation making his mouth hang open for a second before he clamps it closed.