And that’s what I did until I finally fell asleep.
“Good morning, people,” bellowed the large male standing in the bedroom doorway.
Jolted awake in this fashion, I went straight into fight-or-flight mode. I threw off the blanket someone had place on my lap and hit the floor on my knees. My breath heaved in and out of me in ragged gasps. What I needed was either a weapon or a place to hide. What I found was my beige clutch with a can of mace inside.
“Ani. Hey,” said Garrett, grabbing me by the shoulders.
With my heartbeat hammering loud behind my ears, I couldn’t hear a thing. In just another second, I would have realized. I would have recognized him. But barely awake and panicking under the weight of old trauma, all I knew was that strong hands had grabbed hold of me.
And that’s how Garrett came to receive a face full of pepper spray. On the morning after our first night together. #fml
“I’m so sorry,” I said.
Garrett sat at the dining table with a bowl full of cool saltwater. The internet said it was the best thing for dealing with capsicum spray. He rinsed out his eyes again, swearing all the while. “Not your fault.”
“I bought you doughnuts from Earl’s. I thought you’d be happy to see me.” Smith leaned against the kitchen door frame and hung his blond head in shame. “And I would have thought landing a helicopter in your backyard would have woken everyone up.”
“It did wake me up,” said Garrett. “I was getting dressed. But I was letting her catch up on sleep.”
“You landed a helicopter in the backyard?” I asked in amazement.
“Yeah. And we did accidentally trim a couple of the trees. Sorry about that.” Smith grimaced. “Anyway, it’s gone now. I sent it back.”
“You shouldn’t have. You’re not staying,” growled Garrett, still washing out his poor inflamed eyes.
“Sure I am,” said Smith, unperturbed. “But we can talk about that later. Ani, you know I love you, but is your first reaction always to reach for the mace?”
“I, ah—”
“Don’t answer that.” Garrett blindly groped for a fresh cloth. “It’s none of his fucking business.”
“It’s okay.” If I just kept taking deep, even breaths, my lungs had to calm the fuck down eventually. “I have to talk about it sometime. And right now, I’m so horrified and embarrassed that it’s actually kind of hard to feel anything else. But I do feel like I owe you both an explanation.”
“You don’t owe him or anyone else shit,” said Garrett.
“He’s right.” Smith gave me a gentle smile. “But I’m here and I’m your friend. It’s up to you if I take Gene out back for a walk or not. I’m fine with whatever you decide, babe.”
“Do not call her ‘babe,’” said Garrett.
Smith gave me a knowing smile. Jerk.
I thought it over. “Um. Yeah. Maybe if you could give us a minute, that would be best.”
Smith nodded and called for the dog.
When the door to the back porch shut, I sighed loud and proud. “I’m so—”
“Don’t say you’re sorry again. It was an accident. And you didn’t ruin anything.”
“To the contrary, I made our first morning together truly memorable. You are never going to forget this.”
Garrett finished patting his eyes dry and looked at me. Or tried to look at me. Despite washing them out for the last fifteen minutes, they were still red and swollen. “If now isn’t the right time to talk about this stuff, I understand.”
“I know.” I wrapped my arms around myself good and tight. “I think I need to get it out, though. If I just say it quickly, I won’t have to think about it too hard. Because carrying it around and keeping it secret is just making it bigger and heavier, okay?”
He nodded, gaze concerned.
“I was sleeping. A man broke into the apartment I shared with a friend. I woke up with him standing beside my bed, holding a knife to my neck, and I . . .” I swallowed past the tightness in my throat. “He had his hand over my mouth and he was so big and I was so scared. Just fucking terrified. I could barely even figure out what was going on. To wake up and have this stranger . . .”
Garrett sat perfectly still. I’m not even sure he was breathing.
I rubbed away a tear with the heel of my hand. Like I hadn’t cried my heart out a hundred times over the years. It was a fine stress release, but I could do without the added drama just now. “I mean, I’m lucky, really. My friend came home with company. She’d been out on a date. I must have made some noise, and they came to my bedroom door to check on me. The guy got spooked and ran. I survived with just the scar on my neck that you noticed last night. And a whole bundle of neuroses.