Distress weighed across his shoulders, dragging them down as he continued his frantic walk.
“Can I do anything to bring down the door he put up? Get through it somehow? I assume you know a lot more about magic than I do.”
He waved his arms like he wanted to say a lot more than he was about to. “I do know more magic than you, but as I said, I refuse to do it.”
I grabbed him and forced him to face me. “You might, but I don’t. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it if it means saving him.”
He stared down at me, his jaw set tight, worry etched in every line of his face. Whatever the captain felt for me, he loved Fin. Really loved him. And whatever fear he harbored for magic, his love for Fin outweighed that exponentially.
“Tell me what to do,” I whispered, seizing his face between my hands. “Show me, write it down, anything. Just let me help him.”
He nodded slowly. “Fine. I’ll show you, and I’ll help you, but I can’t join you.”
He trapped my hands against his cheeks and closed his eyes. I was dragged down into a spiral until I stood outside the door Fin had erected between us over the bond. The captain controlled my movements, and I threw my mental barriers wide open and let him rifle through everything in my head. He drew a dagger out of my dream self’s thigh holster, and then raised it to hover over my outstretched hand.
“It won’t work,” I whispered through my head. “It can’t cut me.”
His voice echoed through me. “Yes, but as someone possessed, you’re not you and these knives can hurt you if you’re not in control of your own body and mind.”
He made the smallest cut on my index finger and pressed the blood into the door.
“Now call to him,” he said.
His presence snapped out of me and I was left standing in front of the door, bloody fingers touching it.
“Fin,” I said. Could he even hear me? “Fin. I know we left things in a weird place but please, open back up. Let me in so we can help you. Let us save you for once.”
The door shuddered.
“Not enough,” The captain’s voice shouted inside my head, anger lacing his tone.
I huffed and looked around the dark void. “Give me a minute, for fuck’s sake. I’m not exactly great at sharing my feelings.”
Once I felt him leave me again, I resettled in front of the door. “Okay, you bastard. If I have to tell you how I feel, then obviously you haven’t been paying attention. I’m sorry I stormed out last night,
but I got scared, okay? I’m terrified of who I am, of what I’m becoming. I’m scared of how I feel when I’m near you and what kind of person you’re turning me into.”
I let out a breath and pictured Fin there instead of the door. “I’m not a friendly person. Hell, I’m a downright bitch on most days, but you make me feel like that’s okay. You make me feel like I don’t need to be anything but who I really am. Let me be that person now and help you.”
The door shuddered again, harder. A crack shot up through the middle, and the door splintered, falling to the ground in pieces.
I rushed into Fin’s mind, looking through his eyes, and stared up at the murky tree branches of the Forest of Shadows.
I jerked back to reality with a gasp and doubled over with guilt and pain.
“He’s in the forest. I think I left him there. When I went home, I had a dream,” I told the captain, still hunched over my knees even though it hurt so badly. “I drew him into it so he could see Sol, try to catch something I wasn’t able. When I left, I thought he left. But he’s still there.”
The captain hauled me upright and shook me. “No, he took the helicopter. Whatever you showed him made him go to that place, but he went physically on his own. I’ve already called another one. Let’s go get him.”
We headed out to the lawn where a helicopter already sat waiting. This time, I climbed inside without any delay or argument. The captain buckled me in, tossed a pair of headphones into my lap, and then took off. Once I’d adjusted the straps and put the headphones on, I peered over at him.
He no longer looked scared, and determination hardened his face.
“How did you and Fin meet?” I asked.
His sideways glare told me I was an idiot for asking such a personal question, but I wasn’t taking it.
“I just let you shuffle my brain like an UNO deck. If I want to know how you masturbate, right now, you’re going to tell me.”