Lizzie got elbowed in the eye by one of her sisters and wailed. Lulu screamed at Allie, ‘Let me have a turn hugging Mummy! You’re taking all of her!’ Sadie grabbed at Carmel’s hair and tugged, bringing tears of pain to her eyes.
‘Let your mother stand up!’ snapped Joel. He never did well on long-haul flights. ‘For Christ’s sake.’
Carmel managed to stagger to her feet.
Lulu said fiercely, ‘I am never ever leaving you again, Mummy.’
Joel snapped, ‘Lulu! Don’t be so ungrateful. You just had the holiday of a lifetime.’
‘No need to get cross with her,’ said Sonia. ‘We’re all tired.’
Watching her ex-husband’s new girlfriend criticise him reminded Carmel of the euphoria she’d experienced after drinking that drug-laced smoothie.
‘Go inside, girls,’ said Carmel. ‘There are treats.’
The girls ran.
‘You look great,’ said Sonia, who looked grey-faced and jet-lagged.
‘Thanks,’ said Carmel. ‘I’ve had a really nice break.’
‘Have you lost weight?’ asked Sonia.
‘I don’t know,’ said Carmel. She honestly didn’t know. It no longer seemed important.
‘Well, I don’t know what it is, but you just look transformed, you really do,’ said Sonia warmly. ‘Your skin looks great, your hair . . . everything.’
Carmel thought, Damn it, I’m going to become your friend, aren’t I?
She realised that Joel wouldn’t even notice any difference in her. You never changed your appearance for men, you changed it for other women, because they were the ones carefully tracking each other’s weight and skin tone along with their own; they were the ones trapped with you on the ridiculous appearance obsession merry-go-round that they couldn’t or wouldn’t get off. Even if she’d been a perfectly toned and manicured gym junkie, Joel would still have left her. His ‘lack of attraction’ had nothing to do with her. He didn’t leave her for something better, but for something new.
Joel said, ‘We got seated right near the toilets on the flight home. Bang, bang, bang, went the door all night. I never slept at all.’
‘Unacceptable,’ said Carmel.
‘I know,’ said Joel. ‘I tried to get us upgraded on points, but no luck.’
Carmel registered the upward lift of Sonia’s eyes. Yes, definitely friends.
‘So, I’ve been thinking it might be good if you could help with some of the chauffeuring around to after-school activities this year,’ said Carmel to Joel. ‘I wore myself out trying to do everything on my own last year and I want to keep up this new exercise routine I’ve got going.’
‘Of course,’ said Sonia. ‘We’re co-parents!’
‘My mouth feels disgusting,’ muttered Joel. ‘I think it’s the dehydration.’
‘Send me their schedules,’ said Sonia. ‘We’ll get it all worked out. Or, if you want, we could have a coffee together, talk it through?’ She looked nervous, as if she’d overstepped.
‘That sounds good,’ said Carmel.
‘I set my own hours, so I can be really flexible,’ said Sonia. The enthusiasm bubbled up in her voice. ‘I’d love to help out with their ballet, any time. I always dreamed of having a little girl and doing her hair for ballet and, well, as you know, I can’t have children of my own, so I’m never –’
‘You can’t have children?’ interrupted Carmel.
‘I’m sorry, I thought you knew that,’ said Sonia, with a sideways glance at Joel, who was busy running his finger around the inside of his mouth.
‘I didn’t know that,’ said Carmel. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Oh, it’s fine, I’ve fully accepted it,’ said Sonia, with a second glance at Joel that told Carmel it was not fine for Sonia, but it was just great for Joel. ‘But that’s why I’d love to help with ballet. Unless you want to keep that for yourself, of course.’