Despite all the complications, at a basic level, it felt good having him back. We’d fallen into our old routine. When AJ died, Cole had replaced him as my brother. I hadn’t been looking for another best friend, but we were alike, and when I took him away from the family to hide and train, we became even more alike. Neither of us had blood family. I had been in the shadows, watching over Emma, and he was in the shadows, just surviving.
I stood by what I’d said to Gene on the plane. Cole would be a good leader, but he had to find his own way. Only he could be the leader. I couldn’t do that for him. However, training him, making him the best fighter he could be, I could do that.
“Carter.”
“Hmm?” I’d been distracted by my thoughts. “Yeah?”
“This is different for me.” He hesitated. “I’ve been out in the cold, you know, and I’m coming back in. It’s just…different.”
I didn’t comment. I don’t think he expected me to. As I left, my hand curled around the air, and I could almost feel the weight of my gun. It was coming back to me.
I heard the dull thunk from the top of the stairs. The closer I got to the basement, the more the sound grew. Carter was in the gym. Even before I rounded to the doorway and saw him, I knew what I heard.
I found him hitting a punching bag, wearing a sleeveless sweatshirt with the hood pulled over his head. His feet danced lightly as he struck again and again. His hands were wrapped in white tape, but it had become smudged black and worn out.
I must’ve made a sound because Carter stopped and looked over. “Hey.” His voice was so soft. My heart melted.
“Hey, yourself.” He was sweating, his muscles glistening. I wanted to drag him up to bed. Instead, I said, “Teach me.”
“Teach you?”
I gestured to the punching bag. “How to fight. I want to know.”
He stepped back and unzipped his sweatshirt. A shine of sweat covered his chest as it heaved for air. He rested an arm on the bag, watching me. “You want to fight?”
I’ve killed two men. “It wouldn’t hurt.”
“No.”
I hadn’t been expecting that. “Excuse me?”
“I said no.”
He started to turn for the bag again, but I caught his arm. “Why not?”
Instead of looking me in the eye, his gaze went past my shoulder. “Because you shouldn’t have to fight. That’s my job,” he answered, with his mouth stretched tight.
“Hey.” I reached up, took his chin, and forced him to look at me. “Fighting is both our jobs. Dunvan. Ben. I killed those men. My hands are already bloody, and I’m in this fight. Whatever it is—I’m here. I’m at your side. If the woman you love doesn’t know how to fight, she shouldn’t be there.”
A stricken look came over him, and the corners of his mouth softened. “Emma.” He reached for my hand.
I moved back, my hand falling away from him. “No. I’m by your side, Carter. This is our life now. A bomb went off. You can’t protect me all the time. I know you try. I know the guards are there, but if anything happened—I have to know, too.” My throat constricted. “And if something happened to you, god forbid, I’m going to be there, trying to protect you, too. I’ll do it whether I know how to fight or not.”
“Emma.” His voice was so quiet.
I swallowed over a lump. I was right, and he knew it. “Look, I understand. You love me. You don’t want me to deal with this life, but I’m here, and it’s happening. Teach me to fight, and maybe I can help, in some small way.”
He touched the side of my face. “If anything happened to you…” He hesitated.
I rested my hand over his. “Something already did.” My voice grew firm. “It’s time, Carter. I’m not innocent. Stop treating me like I am.”
“It’s because I love you—”
“And I love you. Equip me with the best skills to be the woman at your side. It’s the smart thing to do.”
He closed his eyes. He nodded and let out a deep sigh. “I know. You’re right.”
He was the man I loved, but I had gone to him in the beginning because he was the Cold Killer. He was going to be pulled into that world, no matter what he did, because he still loved those people.