Chapter Twenty-Nine
Stravaig: verb, wander aimlessly. Pronounced: Stra-vague.
* * *
Hunter - three weeks later
Three long weeks since I saw her last. It feels like a lifetime.
Three weeks of grueling touring, meetings, and interviews. It’s been crazy since my Cup win.
My game is fucked at the moment. Good, but not great. Not the way it should be. My head’s not in the game.
I can’t even remember what town I’m in. I don’t care.
I pick my phone up from the bar and do what I’ve been doing every day since I left her. Tap the Instagram app open to see if she’s posted anything today, hoping to see her beautiful face.
There she is. It’s a different photo than normal. I read the post first.
Ten-year school reunion. What a blast. Good times. #highschoolfriends
I zoom in. Standing next to her is Jamie with his arm around her slim shoulders.
My heart clenches in pain.
She’s not smiling.
She looks somber and serene.
Her sparkle duller than normal.
She looks how I feel.
Nothing has ever felt like this.
“Want to talk about it?”
Pippa.
“Don’t want to.”
“Call her, Hunter.”
“Can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t.”
I don’t answer.
“Talk to me. It’s been weeks now and you haven’t spoken to anyone about what happened,” Pippa urges me to talk.
“Don’t want to.”
“You have got to stop saying that. You are driving us all crazy.” She groans.
I bow my head and rest my arms on the bar.
“Look. The last person you need advice from is the Olympic winner of shitty relationships, but I think you should call her, Hunter. Sort it out. Get it out of your system. Thrash it out with her. Let her explain. Eden is a kindhearted girl, inside and out, and you know it. There’s not a nasty bone in her body. Okay, so she messed up, but she’s not a bad person, Hunter. Two snakes misled her, and you sneaking about behind her back. That was a stupid idea. You should have told her your plans.”
“I wanted it to be a surprise,” I say through clenched teeth.
“I am fully aware. But when you’ve been hurt in the past, it does strange things to you and makes you act completely out of character. Trust me, I know. It’s like your common sense gets thrown out the window and someone else steps in, possessing all your rational thoughts.”
Pippa was hurt really badly four years ago, and she's been single ever since. A cheating fiancé will do that to you. She doesn’t let people into her life easily, and I can see she has a point with Eden.
“Remember, she hasn’t known you that long either. What I know though is she loves you; everyone could see that. Her past, although her past, it’s part of who she is. When you’ve been hurt, it stays with you. And it takes a very long time to trust again. To leave without saying goodbye, you messed up, Hunter. Regardless of what she accused you of. You know, none of it was true. But you walked away from her probably when she needed more reassurance from you.”
I should have stayed.
“You are better than that. Better than any man I know. But you messed up too.”
Fuck, that hurts when Pippa puts it like that.
I want Eden.
I need her.
I can’t see him with her.
Feeling discomfort everywhere, my body groans.
“Eden’s fears of abandonment, trust, and being alone are feelings that were caused by her past, other people, circumstance, whatever it was, but you were her future. She needed you.”
I don’t respond to Pippa.
Still holding my phone, I close Instagram. I open up my photos and scroll. I’ve done this every day for hours, gazing at pictures of us together. The penguins, her laughter, the concert, Disney, us kissing, her smile.
“Well, I’ll go back to my room then. Great chatting to you as always.” Pippa huffs and pats my shoulder.
My steps feel heavy around every course I’ve walked around.
My soul feels dark. She’s the light I need in my life.
I fell off the precipice and into paradise, but it didn’t last long enough.
Without her, I don’t feel whole.
There’s nothing for me but her.
But she’s not mine to have anymore.
She pushed. I ran.
I should have stayed.
Watching the television above the bar, it all passes in a blur. I don’t have a clue what’s going on. There's a sea of people around me, but I can’t hear any of them as I’m lost in my world of torture and loathing at myself for leaving. For being stubborn. For not hearing her out. For not reasoning.
I need her lips on mine to ease this suffering. She drowns everything out when we’re together. The passion and fire I feel for her still burns deep.
I don’t know how long this agony will last, but I hope it ends soon as I can’t take it anymore.
* * *
Eden - one week later
“Hey, Eddy. I didn’t know you were coming around to see me today.”
“I thought I would surprise you, Jamie.” I drag my pointer finger down his chest as I push him through the doorway of his mum’s house.
“Yeah?” Jamie’s face lights up.
“Ooooooh, yes, babes. I saw your mum and dad leaving. Fancy doing something fun and outrageous?” I ask, teasing him.
“Yes, honey, I so want to. You haven’t even let me kiss you yet these past few weeks.”
“I know. I’m making sure you’re ready for me,” I say, licking my lips.
I watch as Jamie locks his eyes on them.
“Let’s go up the stairs, shall we?” I raise my eyebrows in question.
“Hell yeah,” he marvels and starts running up the stairs.
As I enter his bedroom, I realize not a single thing has changed in all these years. Football posters, awards, and high school photos still line his walls.
“So,” I say. “Here are the rules. You lie back on your bed. No touching until I say so. This is all for you, Jamie. Your pleasure only. Forget about me. But no touching. Alright?” I purr.
“Sounds good to me.”
“Clothes off. Then I’ll show you what I have on underneath this long coat.”
He scrambles, trying to pull off his clothes lightning fast.
I widen my eyes and smirk. “Great, now on the bed, Jamie.”
He flings himself on the bed.
“Your turn, Eddy. Take that coat off.”
“Uh, uh, uh.” I wave my pointer finger back and forth. “First of all. I hear you’ve been a naughty boy. Have you?”
“Yes, bad, bad, very bad.”
“I thought so.” I wink.
“That’s what these are for.” I pull out two sets of handcuffs from my pockets.
“Crap. Are they for me?” He frowns.
“Yeah, they are. I’m going to handcuff this bad boy right here.” I point to him. “Then I’m going to ride that hard cock of yours so good.”
“Holy shit, Eddy. What the fuck happened to you over the years? You are fucking hot, girl. Handcuff me, honey.” He willingly puts his hands out.
Grabbing one wrist, I lock it in place, then pull his hand up over his head and secure the other side of the cuff around the metal frame of the bed.
“That’s too tight,” he complains.
“It’s fine. You won’t be in these long, Jamie,” I say reassuringly.
I grab his other wrist and do the same.
“This is not very comfortable, Eddy.”
“You’re going to love it, Jamie. Now imagine your hands on my body. Can you remember what it was like before?”
“Yeah, you’ve always had a fucking hot body and your lips are fucking amazing. Wrap them around my cock now.”
“Not yet. Just hang on. Remember, you've been a naughty boy.” I pout. “Are you hard for me?”
“Fuck yeah. I need you, Eddy.”
“How bad do you want me?” I lick my finger and drag it down over my red-coated lips.
“So bad, so, so, fucking bad.” He writhes about on the bed.
“Well, isn’t that a fucking shame, ’cause you’re never going to get it,” I snap with venom.
His face drops.
“You, Jamie Farmer, are a fucking asshole. One I should have dumped in high school.”
Not being able to look longer than a few seconds at his puny body and less than impressive cock, I slide my eyes away from him.
“You have lied to me repeatedly. These last few weeks I’ve been leading you on, you dumbass. You were never getting so much as a kiss from me, never,” I spit.
“You fucking bitch,” he sneers.
I burst out laughing as he lies there helpless.
“You lied to me about Hunter. You teamed up with Jax to make me believe you. You lied throughout our entire relationship. You cheated on me. You left me to grieve by myself for our child. You, Jamie, are a disgrace to men. I never want to see you again. Take your fucking pathetic drunk ass, get out of this town, get the help you need for your drinking and never come back.” I walk out the door.
“Where are you going?” he cries with panic.
“I’m leaving,” I calmly state.
“What the hell? You can’t leave me here like this!”
“Oh, hang on. I forgot,” I say, digging about in my pocket.
I pull out my new phone. “Smile.” I take a picture.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
“Taking it as a memento. You know, just in case I want to be reminded of what a truly dreadful person looks like. And yes, I can leave. I just have to walk through this door.” I tap the frame. “It’s dead easy. Watch.” I place my foot outside the doorway. “I don’t know why I’m showing you because you’re the expert. You would know. You walked through one of these real easily when you left us, remember?”
I pop my finger in the air as if having a lightbulb moment. “Ah, there are no keys for those. I threw them away,” I say, swishing through the door.
“You’ll pay for this. You bitch.”
“No, I won’t, Jamie. No, I won’t. Pack your bags and go.” I laugh and walk down the stairs. I hum to myself as I close the front door behind me.
“Argh,” I hear him screaming loudly.
I giggle to myself as I jump in my car. This is the lightest I’ve felt in weeks. I’ve been stravaiging about the beach for weeks by myself. Spending time alone. Getting my life in order. Changing everything. Working out my own life plan.
I pull my phone out of my pocket again to get my daily fix.
I tap open the app and type in the search bar, Hunter King.
A new post on his Instagram grid today. A screenshot of his playlist.
Lewis Capaldi’s “Someone You Loved.”
“Hunter. I’m so sorry.”
I scroll down to the photos of us on his grid. The only photos I have of us are the ones on his Instagram account I screenshot. He never removed them.
Not backing up my old phone for months left with me nothing of Hunter on it. It was as if our time together didn’t happen.
It’s a distant memory.
It’s where it will stay.
In the past.
Self-hatred threatens to choke me as the tender knot twists around my still beating heart.
I’m beyond pain. I’m simply hanging on to survival.