To keep from giving myself in a way I never should have in the first place.
Salem.
It banged through my mind and shredded my heart.
I love you. I fuckin’ love you.
Tears blurred my eyes and soaked my face.
He wasn’t supposed to. This wasn’t supposed to happen.
Juni whimpered from the backseat. Quiet and afraid. “Mommy.”
“I know,” I mumbled. “I know.”
And I hated that I did. Hated what I was putting her through.
But I had no other choice, did I?
Not while the terror continued to rip through my consciousness. A foreboding that warned of what was to come. Of what would always be lurking, ready to consume when I allowed myself to get sloppy.
To get comfortable.
Reckless.
If Carlo had found us? If he was responsible?
That thought had me ramming the accelerator to the floor. The tires peeled out on the loose gravel.
I had to get away. Put a lifetime between us and this place. Become someone else. The way I always did.
You exist.
Through the rearview mirror, I saw the hulking, beast of a man lumbering behind us.
As if he were chasing down something real.
I could feel the reverberation of his footfalls as he chased us across the lot.
I pinched my eyes closed like it could stop me from feeling the impact of who he was.
From hearing the shout of his soul.
Shield my heart from the call that screamed every bit as loud as the sirens that had blared through the building. As loud as the instinct that told me I had to go.
That I could never stay.
That for me, there was no such thing as home.
But my spirit?
It thrashed.
A riot that gripped my insides.
It ravaged the hollow space that could never be filled.
“Go,” I whimpered, to him, to myself, to this feeling that welled up.
But it only grew.
Clouding judgement.
Obliterating reason.
“Please,” I cried to myself, like it could sever the pull. That severity that had been there from the moment Jud had found me in the storm.
The SUV bounced across the gravel drive, the tail end skidding as I erratically whipped around the side of the building to the front parking lot.
Reckless.
I headed across the lot toward the exit, trying to force myself through the sludge of agony. I tried to press harder at the accelerator, but a tremor rocked through my leg and shocked through my body.
Salem.
I could still hear him calling my name.
In the middle of the lot, I rammed on the brakes.
Closed my eyes.
Prayed.
Salem.
His voice curled around my being and wrapped me in comfort.
A sob ripped up my throat. I held tighter to the steering wheel and pressed my forehead to the leather as another cry lacerated through my insides.
Fumbling, I put the SUV in park, and my foot was floundering around to engage the emergency brake, my fingers on the door latch and cracked it open.
I couldn’t feel my feet, but I knew the ground wobbled below me.
Jud was there, sweeping me into his arms a second before I crumbled.
My arms curled desperately around his neck. “I didn’t mean to, Jud. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you.”
It spilled out.
The confession of my soul.
I didn’t mean to, but I did.
I did.
“I know, darlin’. I know,” he murmured at my ear as he held me against his chest.
Massive arms surrounded me.
His heart thundered, a pound, pound, pounding of peace. Of safety. Of saving grace.
He exhaled the heaviest breath into my hair.
He reached inside the car and shut off the engine.
He didn’t let me go, he just moved to Juni’s door, opened it, unbuckled her, and helped her down.
He held me with one arm, his other hand securely wrapped around Juni’s.
“I have you,” was all he said as he started to walk back around the building.
Warmth skated across my skin, sank below, embedded itself in my marrow.
I burrowed my face into his beard. Inhaled his aura. Drew it into my lungs.
Relished the sanctuary of this man.
Citrus and spice. A warm fall night.
A protector.
While every muscle in his body vibrated with the truth of the length he’d be willing to go for us. The ferocity that sped and churned.
A grim, wicked savior.
I clung to him.
Gave.
Trusted.
Loved.
Reckless.
A sob curled up my throat, and I pressed my mouth to his shoulder and released it.
In it was surrender.
Concession.
A yielding to his sacrifice.
“I have you.”
It penetrated, bled into my cells, and became a part of my heartbeat.
“I have you.”
He somehow managed to get the heavy metal door open without setting me down, and he held it so Juni could slip inside. He took her hand again as he carried me upstairs.
His footsteps echoed.
Heavy and firm.
Juni scrambled along at his side, her little spirit quieted and held, yet somehow calmed.
As if she had fallen into the same peace.
At the top landing, Juni moved ahead to hold the door open for us to pass.
“Thank you, Little Bee,” Jud said so quietly, with so much care and adoration. He carried me directly into his bedroom, and he set me on the edge of the bed and knelt in front of me.