“What do you mean?”
Her demeanor shifts. One moment she’s her normal self, and the next she’s… different. She’s nervous. She walks to the door and shuts it after looking out into the hall to make sure we’re alone.
Like she’s paranoid.
“It’s just not safe around here these days.” She tries to smile at me but there’s nothing behind it. Her eyes are empty and haunted. “Better to run and hide than to stay and fight. That’s my motto. Cowardice suits me. Always has.”
“Hide from what though? I don’t understand. You’re perfectly safe at the villa.”
“Right, yes, I know that.” She laughs and it’s fake, so fake. “Only, honey, are things all good here? I mean, are you sure they’re all fine?”
I blink rapidly and shake my head. “I don’t understand.”
Her smile vanishes. She chews the nails of her right hand. “I shouldn’t say this.” She looks afraid and on edge. Her fake eyelashes tremble as she blinks rapidly.
“Elise, why do you look so terrified?”
Her face pales and the color in her lips drains away. “I’m not.”
“You look terrified.”
“Karah, stop it and listen to me, please. Can you just listen? I mean really listen. Try to hear me this time.”
I wrap my arms around myself. I feel like something’s on the verge of breaking and I hear that ringing noise—where is that ringing noise coming from, why won’t it shut the hell up and leave me the fuck alone—buzzing in the back of my skull.
Elise comes closer to me. Her face is drawn and she’s sweating.
“Honey, have you ever wondered what happened to your mother?”
It’s like a jolt of lightning. I jerk back and away from her. Mother? Mother? She’s talking about my mother right now? The woman she replaced?
“She was attacked,” I say and my voice sounds like it’s coming from the end of a long, long tunnel. “My father. There was an assassination attempt… he survived but she…”
“Honey, think about it, please. Your father’s been acting out and I’m just—I’m not sure it’s safe. Do you really remember what happened?”
She’s staring at me, desperate and I don’t know why, I don’t know what she wants. My mother was killed in an attack, that’s all, nothing more, my mother is gone, gone, gone.
“No, I don’t—”
“She died, sweetie. She died, remember? Do you remember how she died? Think about it, Karah. You remember what happened, don’t you?”
“No,” I say, getting the words out like someone’s hands are wrapped around my throat. “Stop it, Elise. Stop talking about her. You don’t know. You weren’t there.”
“I was there. I mean, not in the room, but I was around. Your father told me everything afterwards, don’t you know that? He told me what happened, how you—”
“STOP IT.” I scream at her, losing my mind. She staggers back in shock and I scream again, advancing on her, blind with fear and anger and confusion. “SHUT YOUR MOUTH.” I can’t hear this. I can’t hear it. I raise my fists and scream raw nothing, only animalistic fury and she staggers back into the door, terrified. “DON’T YOU EVER TALK ABOUT HER. DON’T YOU EVER.”
Elise grabs for the knob and throws it open. “Please, Karah. You have to remember—”
“GET OUT!” I shove her hard and she staggers into the hall. She thumps against the far wall and stares at me in shock and horror before she gathers her bag against her chest and runs.
She runs and runs and disappears around the corner.
I scream until my throat hurts as I tear my room to pieces. I throw my charcoal sketches around, smash my pencils, rip my clothes from drawers, throw my blankets, and gnaw on my pillows until I feel arms wrap around me and I fight them and thrash against them and I’ll kill whoever’s touching me right now because I won’t remember, I won’t ever fucking remember, I won’t, I won’t, I won’t—
“Karah! Karah! Calm down, damn it, Kara. Fuck, stop it!”
Gavino’s voice cuts through the haze. He’s holding me and I’m thrashing against him, fighting his grip, trying to claw his arms away from me. Gavino, my brother, my littlest brother, my favorite and closest brother, my best friend in the world.
He hugs me tight and I stop resisting.
I break then. The attack passes and I sob into his shoulder as he holds me tight in the midst of the wreckage of my room. I sob hard, crying all my fear and muddled thoughts away in big, fat tears.
What is wrong with me? What’s happening?
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he whispers, stroking my hair. “God, it’s been a long time since this happened. What started it?”
“Elise,” I choke out. He’s right, it’s been years since I had a break like this, and it kills me to slip back into my old patterns.
It’s the dream. My father’s hands wrapped around a faceless person’s neck. It’s the attack and the assassination attempt all those years ago. It’s Nico, it’s everything.