That night is the reason he’s been so easy on me for so long.
That night is everything and he knows it.
But I don’t.
And this is the moment to throw it in his face. Right now, right here, this is my chance to make him understand that I know what happened and I won’t let him treat me like cattle.
But I can’t because I don’t remember.
The silence thickens and stretches. He watches me carefully, and my mouth opens and closes like a fish gasping for water.
I want to remember. I want to know why there’s been a hole in my brain for so long. I want to understand the dreams, the anger, the deep, dripping sadness that permeates my waking world no matter what I do.
I need to know, but I can’t remember.
And now Papa knows it.
I’m going to Dallas.
The realization sinks in and I know I’m finished. I’m going to Dallas and there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t remember that night, which means I can’t use it against him—and whatever defense I had up until this point is broken, and he’ll do whatever he wants.
I’m finished.
Except for one thing.
“What about Nico?”
I throw the words out as my last desperate idea and Papa grunts in response. He touches his chin, head tilted.
“I didn’t think you two got along.”
“We don’t, but what if we did? You love Nico, Papa.”
“I do.”
“Then what if I marry him?”
“The Russians—”
“They’ll understand. Give them money, give them promises, whatever it takes. Let me marry Nico instead.”
Papa sighs and rubs his face. I can tell this is hard on him but I don’t care. I’m pathetic and desperate and I don’t want to leave my family and my life behind only to be thrown into a new cage, a worse cage, populated by strange things and unfamigliar people.
“If you can make Nico agree, then I’ll accept it. But listen to me now, Karah. You don’t have a lot of time.”
I don’t know why he gives me that grace. Maybe he’s just so used to being kind, or maybe he truly does want Nico in the family.
Either way, I don’t question it. I’ll take my wins where I can get them.
“Thank you, Papa. Thank you so much.”
He only smiles sadly and shakes his head. “Don’t thank me. You have to convince Nico to marry you first, and I don’t think you can do it.”
“That’s okay. At least I have a chance.”
I stand and rush out of the room. I close the door and pause in the hallway for the second time.
Nico’s truly my only hope.
And last night I might’ve destroyed any progress we made.
Chapter 20
Nico
The rain comes down hard in Phoenix. The sky doesn’t open up much over the desert, but when it does, the ground is like a hungry animal drinking it all down and slurping it into its soil. Everything’s a muddy, sodden mess, and I stay in my car as I sit out in front of a rundown building that sprawls along an entire block on the southern edge of town called the Knights Motel.
Things with Karah are beyond fucked and I can’t stop obsessing about it.
I keep seeing her face in my mind. Her lips pulled back in breathless orgasm. I keep tasting her, feeling her. I want to storm back to Villa Bruno and hunt her down like a crazed predator, but I resist the urge to do something stupid.
She moved on.
Not that I can blame her.
I gave no indication that she could rely on me and practically begged her to go choose someone else.
I can’t be angry over her doing exactly what I wanted.
And yet I am.
Fucking hell, am I angry.
Alfonse won’t bother her again. Even if she decides to marry him, he won’t do it. He’ll never forget the pain of my fist smashing into his nose and mouth, and he won’t have the balls to step up and take Karah for his own.
Even if the Don agrees to let her, it won’t happen.
I want to pretend like I’m fucking with her because I hate her. I can almost believe that breaking Alfonse’s face was an act of sabotage and retribution and not a jealous man lashing out with violence. I have to whisper it, over and over, so I don’t forget:
I hate Karah Bruno. I hate the Bruno Famiglia.
They stole my life and I’ll steal theirs.
But another voice knows the truth. It’s that demon again rolling around my guts. It knows I hit Alfonse and warned him away because I want Karah all for my own, even if I’m too afraid to marry her.
It’s selfish and wrong, but I’m a monster.
I’ve never pretended otherwise.
Ahead, on the second-story balcony of the Knights Motel, a figure steps out of a room and closes the door behind him. He’s got a dark rain jacket on with the hood up and he hurries toward the staircase.