Jen grabs my arm, yanking me into the hardware store before I get myself into more trouble. It’s the closest place for us to hide, and as soon as we enter, I hear someone speaking to us.
“Hey, ladies.”
“Busy, Ted. Girl talk.” Ted gives Jen a perplexed look. Probably because we’re in his store, and all he did was say hi. “You want him, don’t you?” Jen starts her investigation. “It was all over your face in there.”
“He’s a jerk. I don’t want him.” I chew on my bottom lip. The words taste wrong in my mouth.
“Y’all talking about the suit in town? The one we’re supposed to be ignoring?” Ted asks.
“Ted, girl talk,” Jen snips at him again, throwing her hands up.
“You’re standing in front of the register,” he says dryly. “Besides, I can enjoy girl talk. In fact, I've been listening to girl talk since you two were in diapers. I’m married to your auntie, little Jennie Bean. I think I’m more than qualified.”
“Don’t call me that in public,” she hisses at him, her cheeks turning pink. “But you make a strong point, Uncle Ted.” Jen nods, seeming to think over what she’s about to say for a second. “I think Natalie is in love with the suit,” she tells him, redirecting the conversation.
“I am not!” I shout. “The hell, little Jennie Bean?!” I sing-song, and she narrows her eyes on me.
“Is this the same suit we all got a mass alert about on the Facebooks?” Ted asks, wanting clarification.
“It’s just Facebook,” Jen corrects him as if it really matters. “But yes, that’s the one.”
“So if she’s in love with him, do we welcome him or ignore him?” Ted hooks his thumbs into his overalls, waiting for an answer.
“Ignore him,” Jen and I both say at the same time.
“Okay, maybe I’m not qualified for girl talk,” he grumbles before he goes back to straightening his shelves.
“What am I gonna do?” I ask Jen, starting to freak out a bit.
“Because you’re in love with him and he wants to ruin this town?”
“I’m not in love with him. I met him two seconds ago, and we talked on the phone a few times.”
“People fall in love with prisoners through phone calls. I once saw a show where a woman had email sex with her inmate boyfriend.”
“I do not want to hear this,” Ted grumbles and moves farther back into the hardware store.
I try and ponder how you would have email sex. It sounds hard. “Like dirty texts but through emails?”
“Doesn’t matter.” She waves her hand. “What matters is, did you feel it?” She touches my chest over my heart. “Did you get that warm sensation in your chest when you two were locking eyes?” She wiggles her eyebrows like locking eyes means something dirty.
“Yes, he gave me heartburn.” Jen laughs at my terrible joke.
“What’s he doing now?” I point out the front of the store when I see Walker walking down Main Street with a cup of hot chocolate in his hand. I watch as he strolls past Julie, who is pushing a stroller with her rag doll cat Diamond inside.
He stops and says something to her. She glares at him, turning her nose up. She must have seen the Facebook group post. I don’t know why I’m always so impressed by how fast word travels around here.
He looks like he says something else, then Julie’s nose drops and a smile plays at her lips. Then she starts to giggle.
“The hell?” Jen whispers, glaring out the glass door with me.
We both watch in amazement as Walker bends down, reaches his hand into the stroller and pets Diamond. She doesn’t whack at him like she does with everyone else. He’s petting the damn brat. I’ve been trying to pet Diamond for years! What the hell? This is bullshit.
I bet Walker’s pets are really good. I noticed he had big hands. Oh my god, what is wrong with my head? I snap back to reality when I see both of them pull out their phones, clearly exchanging some kind of information. I stomp out of the hardware store.
“Julie! You’re a married woman. Wait till I tell Milly about this,” I shout across the street.
“Hey now, Natalie. I’m just showing him cat pictures! He wanted to know where I got her. He’s thinking about getting a rag doll himself.”
“Yeah, Natalie, why are you denying a lonely man a kitten of his own?” Walker puts his hand over his heart, pretending to be wounded, and my mouth falls open. “I’ve got a lot of love to give.” He’s laying it on so thick, he’s about to turn Julie straight.
“Close your mouth,” Jen whispers behind me, and I seal my lips shut, trying to get it together. For a second at least.
“You’re full of crap. He probably sacrifices kittens.”