“Could you by chance ask if a girl by the name of Lavender is out there?” She’s about the only one I could even allow to see me right now. I’m heartbroken, defeated, disgusted, and definitely embarrassed.
“Sure thing. If she’s not, I think I’ll still get Monroe. From what your chart says, you’ve been through a lot, and I think being alone isn’t the best idea.” She moves beside me, squeezing my forearm before proceeding to say, “I know today looks like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. I promise there is, though. This is just a rainy day, but there’s always a rainbow after the storm is over.”
“Thank you, Mary, truly,” I tell her. My head drops back to the pillow, my eyes closing as I try to keep the tears at bay. My mind goes back to that moment when Jackson barged in, so full of anger, the rage boiling with every deep breath he took, steam practically rising from his head. I don’t know if it was just too much at once or if he thought maybe the heart beating wasn’t his. Whatever it was, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forgive him with the way he just walked away without a backward glance.
“It looks like it’s just going to be you and me, peanut.” Both of my hands move to my stomach, talking to myself and the bundle of joy that will be here in the coming months. I could think about how hard it’s going to be to be a single mom, but honestly, I can’t think negative thoughts right now. It’s not who I am. So, I start formulating a plan. I have several designer clothes, shoes, and purses that I’ll put up for sale, only saving a select few that I know will be timeless and I’ll want to keep. Once those are sold, I’ll consolidate the spare bedroom and make room in my closet for the extra clothes and use the money from the sales to start working on the nursery.
“I’m going to fucking kill him. No, I’m going to maim his balls instead. That will make him think about walking out on the best person ever along with his child.” Lavender comes roaring in, interrupting my mental calculations on what I’ll need to get things moving in the right direction.
“I love you, Lavender, and clearly, shit went down out there that I don’t know about. But it’s okay. I’ve got this, and I’ve got you, alright?” I try to be the voice of reason for the first time in our life when it’s usually the other way around.
“Nope, not okay. Hawk went after him. Maybe he’ll talk some sense into him. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Jackson did more damage before I could chase him off. The club knows you’re pregnant, which Hawk isn’t too happy with me about, but sisters before misters. He’ll live. And there’s still the whole kidnapping thing that needs to be dealt with, so I’m even more sorry because Dad, Razor, and Ruger are about to burst through the door if we make them wait any longer.” After that, she plops down in the chair, her eyes meeting mine. “Are you okay?”
“No, but I will be.” Lavender’s hand reaches for mine, holding it.
“Yeah, you will. I’ll make sure of it.” We only get a few more minutes before she’s right and the whole crew converges. It’s not just the men, though; it’s the whole damn club, Ol’ Ladies included. Something tells me this isn’t going to be a very fun day.
CHAPTER 16
ROCKET
“Pull your head out of your ass, get back in that hospital, and tell your Ol’ Lady you fucked up and apologize.” I’m smoking a cigarette, something I don’t ever do, but it was either that or go to the nearest bar and get smashed. Hawk is right. I shouldn’t have walked out on Sailor, and I damn sure shouldn’t have announced it to the club the way I did. It should have been a moment between the two of us. I’ll just add that to the piles of mistakes I’ve made today.
“I fucked up. Know that, man. Just give me a minute,” I tell Hawk, my brother in more than just words. We’ve been around each other forever, so it’s only right he’s giving me this talk. Once I walked into that room and saw Sailor, my damn world stopped. The carefree way of life the two of us had, it stopped. There’s a lot more on the table than ever before; it’s growing up in more ways, having a child who depends on you.
“Well, dumbass, pacing out here isn’t going to help. If anythin’, it’s goin’ to make it worse. Not to mention Ender is about ready to chop your balls off and feed them to the pigs.” I take the cigarette out of my mouth, another thought plaguing me.