“Say it. Say out loud that you’re the best mom Maverick could have.”
“I’m the best mom Maverick could have.” I say the words through hiccupping sobs, but once I do, I feel lighter. Like some of the weight pushing down on me has been lifted.
“You okay?” Orion asks, brushing his thumbs beneath my eyes to clear away the tears.
“Yeah, I think so.” I offer him a weak smile. “Thank you.”
He looks down at me with so much warmth in his eyes, I swear I can feel it wrapping around me like a hug. “Always, Frankie. Always.”
For a second, we just sit here, with me on his lap and his hands still cupping my cheeks, and I swear it’s as if time grinds to a halt. Everything else ceases to exist—it’s just us.
But then, he speaks again, popping the bubble of solitude surrounding us. “You wanna talk about it?”
I try to swallow but my throat feels like it’s full of broken glass. “About what?” I don’t know why I bother asking; I already know what he’s going to say.
“Maverick’s dad.” Orion strokes his thumbs over my cheeks one last time before dropping his hands to my thighs.
His touch isn’t sexual in the least, but I can feel the warmth of his hands through the material of my jeans, and it sets off a whole swarm of butterflies in my tummy.
“It’s hard.” I nibble my lower lip, waiting for the agony of remembering to hit. Only instead of the debilitating pain I’ve come to depend on, this time it’s more of a prickle of awareness; uncomfortable for sure, but not all encompassing. “Tyson was my best friend in the whole world.”
“Tell me about him,” Orion murmurs, his voice low and soft in my ear.
“He was larger than life. The life of the party anywhere he went. We were inseparable. Everyone who knew him, loved him.” I laugh, but there’s no warmth or humor in it. “Except my parents. They never liked him—but they never liked me either, so…”
Orion tenses beneath me. “What’s that even mean?”
“My parents are…” I suck in a deep breath and hold it as I weigh my words. “Pretentious. Judgmental. Horrible. Pick a word, they all fit. They didn’t like Tyson because of his zip code.”
“And why didn’t they like you?” Orion’s fingers flex against my hips, like he wants to hold me but isn’t sure if he should.
“Long story short, Mom cheated, and I am the unhappy byproduct of her affair with my dad’s old business partner. Once my dad—who I’m named after—discovered the truth, it was easier to take it out on me than on his wife. Needless to say, we aren’t close.”
I don’t even realize I’m crying again until Orion reaches up and wipes away my tears.
“You’re so damn strong, Frankie.”
“Am I? Because I’m pretty sure I’m having an emotional breakdown in your lap, on your parents’ front porch, while your sister watches my son.”
“That’s what happens when you bottle things up, baby.” He hauls me closer, nestling my head into the crook of his neck. It doesn’t escape my notice that he keeps calling me baby, but I’m not in the right frame of mind to figure that out. “You explode.”
“I guess so.” Idly, I rub the soft material of his shirt between my thumb and index finger. “We were never together, you know.”
“What do you mean?”
“Tyson and me. We weren’t together. He was my best friend. And we were both virgins and decided to just go for it—and then, I became the most cliché statistic ever.”
“Are you telling me he knocked you up the first time y’all had sex?”
“First and only,” I whisper.
I can feel Orion’s throat bob as he swallows. “Like you and him only had sex once or—no, fuck it. It’s not my business.”
My cheeks burn hotter than the sun, but despite my embarrassment, I find myself giving him the clarification he seeks. “Meaning I’ve only had sex once.”
“Jesus fucking Christ,” he mutters. “You’re killing me.”
“Sorry.” I try to pull away from him, but instead of releasing me, Orion tightens his hold.
“Don’t apologize to me, not about this.” He adjusts me ever so slightly on his lap, and I could swear something solid brushes against my ass.
But surely he isn’t hard right now. Get a grip, Frankie, it was probably only his phone.
“Is…is it okay if I ask how he died?”
“He died the day Maverick was born.” My stomach hollows, and my heart clenches in my chest. “I-I went into labor early and called him as they were admitting me.” My tears may as well be twin rivers streaming down my cheeks. “He left work to meet me at the hospital, but ended up getting T-boned two blocks away.”
I’m ugly crying now, heaving and panting and hiccupping as the familiar pain opens like a chasm inside of me.