“Evan told me about your new job. Are you happy?”
“I am,” I tell her as I reach for the menu. “It’s not the best situation case-wise, but I’m determined to bring everyone to justice, especially those who hurt women and children.”
Ryley places her hand on mine and squeezes. “I’m grateful for you, and I know Penny is as well. She credits you with keeping Claire safe.”
“I don’t know about that. I just found her before that psycho could get to her.” I don’t bother expanding on which psycho because Frannie and her brother fit the bill equally.
Our waitress returns, and we place our order. Now that I’m here, I’m starving and craving tacos. “I’m going to love living this close to the border.”
Ryley laughs. “Tacos are a must. I swear, when we moved to Washington, I thought I was going to die from the lack of food. Everything is fish, and that’s a hard no for me.”
“I am going to miss the buffets in Vegas, though.”
“Are they really that good?”
I shrug. “If you get there when everything is fresh, yes. I mostly went for salads because it’s something I can eat on the go or in my car while I staked out a place. And they’re way better than fast food.”
“True. EJ is obsessed with Mickey D’s right now. His life revolves around chicken nuggets.”
“Is that what I have to look forward to?” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I realize what I’ve done, and so does Ryley.
Her eyes go wide, as does her smile. “Are you—?”
I nod, cutting her off. “I found out the other day, and I honestly don’t know what to do.”
“Does Nate know?”
“Yes, and he’s excited.”
“But you’re not?” she asks.
The waitress is back with our food, and I use this slight reprieve to gather my thoughts.
“Are you worried that Nate won’t be a good father?” Ryley asks.
I shake my head. “The opposite, really. I’ve never seen myself as a mother. More so since I started working in sex crimes. I see the horrors of what people do, and it makes me wonder why anyone would bring children into this world. And then there’s me. I love my career. I love my job despite the horror-filled boxes of missing people. I don’t have a normal job, Monday through Friday, nine to five doesn’t exist for me. How can I be a mother when I don’t know if I’ll be home for dinner? What if Nate goes out on a mission or ends up deployed? Then what?”
“Then, you count on family,” Ryley says. “That’s what I did, and that’s what I’ll do in the future, even knowing what I know now. Am I afraid of whoever lurks in the darkness? You bet, but I wouldn’t give up being a mom for anything. EJ is my world. He makes me laugh and cry. There are times when I want to pull my hair out, but then he’ll sit down next to me and rest his head on my leg, and I’m at peace. As much as I am in love with Evan; I never knew the true meaning of love until I held EJ in my arms. Carrying your child and watching them grow inside you is one thing. But holding them against your body while they suck in their first breaths and look at you for the first time is a whole other feeling.”
I wipe at my damp cheeks. I don’t know when I started crying, but clearly, Ryley’s words have touched me in ways I didn’t expect. “Do you have regrets?” I ask.
“When it comes to EJ, not a single one. With or without Evan, I’d do it all over again because being a mom is worth it.” Ryley takes a bite of her lunch and then says, “I know you love your career and shouldn’t have to give it up. I also know Nate would do anything for you. Tell him how you feel. He might surprise you. The guys are consolidating and going to open a security office in town. That means he’ll be around more.”
“Not if he gets shipped out.”
Ryley smiles. “Not if he retires from the Navy.”
She has a point, but I can’t ask Nate to give up his career for me. Would he give it up for our child, though?
CHAPTER 7
NATE
When I arrive home from work, I’m not surprised to find Cara isn’t there. I honestly don’t expect her much before seven or even eight tonight. It’s her first day, and knowing her, she’s trying to make an impression, even though they handpicked her for this job. She’s already earned the promotion and could bail at five, but that’s not how she operates. I undress and hop into the shower. I’m sticky, sweaty, and have sand in places I’ve forgotten. Once I’m under the hot spray my muscles relax, but my mind starts wandering. Cara’s pregnant, but we haven’t talked about it since she told me. I want to bring up the fact that she’s carrying our baby, but I’m afraid of what her decision might be. I’m scared to hear her utter the words, “I don’t want to keep it” or “The timing isn’t right.” I told her I’d support whatever decision she made, but deep down, I’m not sure I could. I want to be a dad, and I want to take this journey with Cara. However, if she’s not ready or will never be, maybe that’s something we need to explore before it’s too late. I want to marry her, but we need to figure out if we’re on the same page regarding our future.