He kisses me below my ear and then wraps his arms around me. I sob into his chest, knowing his heart breaks because of my feelings, and I’m not sure I can do anything about it.
CHAPTER 5
NATE
Cara and I took the rest of the week and the weekend to do mundane shit around our apartment. We bought new towels and sheets and picked up new pillows for the couch. I had no idea we were supposed to change pillows with each season or holiday, and when I asked why the gray pillows that came with the couch weren’t good enough, the side-eye Cara gave me was strong. Afterward, I followed her around IKEA and held whatever she put in my arms.
We didn’t talk about the elephant in the room, and as much as I wanted to ask her what she was thinking, I kept my mouth shut. It’s not my place. While I may be the father, it’s her body, and I strongly believe it’s her choice, even when that choice could destroy me emotionally.
I don’t have an issue being up before the sun on most days, especially during the summer. Often, I’ll sit out on the balcony, drink a cup of coffee—or the pot, if I’m honest with myself—and watch the sky go from black to indigo to the most beautiful mix of colors the eye can see before dissipating into a bright blue. It’s probably my favorite time of the day—just me, my coffee, and my thoughts, watching as the sky changes.
Today, however, I stay in bed long after my alarm went off. Cara’s next to me, with her naked back on full display and the brand-new top sheet covering her ass. I’m elated she’s carrying my child and scared to death that she will decide not to keep it.
She stirs, and I move toward her. My fingers circle the birthmark on her right hip. She shivers from my touch and turns her head to look at me. “You’re going to be late,” she says to me.
“Maybe they’ll fire me.”
“They won’t.”
I press my lips to her shoulder and then kiss a path down her back until I get to her ass. Her hips flex. I take this as my cue and move over the top of her. “I love you,” I press into her backside.
Cara wriggles against me and looks at me from over her shoulder. “I need you.”
“No foreplay?”
She shakes her head. “There isn’t time. I’m ready.”
I push into her, and her mouth drops open with a gasp. I moan at the contact between us and get to work, giving her what she needs. I need this too. I need to feel connected to her, especially with everything going on. I’m also going to give her whatever she wants or needs because I want to make her happy.
After we finish, we help the state of California conserve water and shower together. While Cara makes coffee, I get dressed. I haven’t put my work uniform on since I came back from my last training mission. That’s when my life changed—some of it for the best.
When I come out of the bedroom, breakfast sits on the stove. I plate up some eggs, bacon, grab a couple of slices of toast and meet Cara on the balcony. It’s already warm, well over eighty, and just a little after six a.m.
I lean down and kiss her. “Thank you for breakfast.”
“Mhm, you smell good,” she says as she cups my cheek, keeping me close to her. “If I didn’t have to start my job today, I’d say play hooky.”
“You know I would.”
I kiss her again and then sit down. After a few bites of food, I say, “Are you excited?”
She nods. “I am. I’m ready to lead my own team.”
“I’m proud of you. Don’t forget to put my picture on your desk.”
Cara laughs. “It’s in Vegas,” she says. “We’ll have to get it this weekend.”
“That reminds me, we really haven’t nailed down any plans for DC. What do you want to do?”
She thinks for a minute and shrugs. “I’m in a lease, so I don’t see the rush to get over there, other than to clear out the security office. On the other hand, Labor Day is coming. Maybe we can fly over and get everything situated?”
“Sounds good. I can’t imagine I’m leaving base anytime soon.”
“You’re not going to hear me complain,” Cara says. She reaches across the table for my hand. I give it to her and remember I wanted to propose last night, but she had bigger news to share. News I wish I could shout from the rooftops. Now, I feel like if I ask her to marry me, she’ll think I’m doing it because of the baby. The last thing I want her to feel is that my proposal is pressuring her to do something she doesn’t feel right doing.