In the time since I'd been at the center, I’d started to notice how much effort had been put into making it possible for me to move around on my own. Every exit had some kind of newly built ramp for me to use and aside from the one rocky path where I’d first literally run into Sawyer, the rest of the walkways throughout the center had been either paved or graveled so that I could easily maneuver along them. I hadn't noticed any of those things when I’d first arrived. It'd been a sobering moment—one I hadn't had the guts to talk to Maddox about.
Sawyer was already outside by the time I rolled down the ramp. He had his back to me, but I could tell his arms were crossed. He was standing under a grove of trees on the opposite side of the driveway. The overhead lights were enough for me to make out the tension in his frame. I readied myself for battle because I had no doubt that was what this was going to be.
"What are you doing?" Sawyer asked as soon as I reached him. He didn't even need to turn around to know that I was there.
"It's better for the dog if he only has a couple of people handling him—"
"Bullshit," Sawyer said coldly as he turned around to face me.
Yep, definitely pissed. His anger shouldn't have turned me on, but it did. I wished for so many things in that moment, but more than anything, I wanted my legs so that I could walk toward him, forcing him backward and up against one of the trees behind him. I wanted to make him breathless with want and I wanted him whispering my name as he begged me to give him what only I could.
"It's not bullshit," I said. "These dogs are trained to respond—"
He was on me without warning. Within a couple of strides, he was leaning over my chair, his hands gripping the armrests hard and his mouth just inches from mine. "What. Do. You. Want?"
You.
I broke out into a cold sweat as the truth sat there right on the tip of my tongue. But I didn't say. I couldn't. Instead, my self-preservation instincts kicked in.
"Fine, forget the whole thing," I said, desperate to escape the situation. Since I wasn't in a position to run, that meant Sawyer needed to be the one to walk away. "The dog’s probably better off being put down anyway."
The lie did its job.
Remarkably well.
Sawyer's anger melted away in the blink of an eye and then he was pushing back from me, the disappointment written clear as day all over his face. He turned on his heel and walked away, disappearing into the shadows without looking back.
Good, it was done. Fuck the thirty days. Fuck pretending my future was anything but what it was. I spun my wheelchair around but managed to move only a few feet before Maddox stepped out from the darkened doorway.
"Never took you for a coward," he said coolly. "The Jett I remember took what he wanted."
There was no way that Maddox could know what I'd been about to say to Sawyer. Just no way. Besides, his remark wasn't entirely true. I'd wanted Maddox when I’d first met him, but I hadn't had the guts to tell him so. I'd had to get blindingly drunk to admit my feelings. Sure, my gut had never failed me when it had come time to confront the enemy, but when my heart was involved…
"The Jett you remember never got out of that desert," I reminded him. I fully expected him to step in front of me as I rolled past, but he didn't try to stop me. "Deal's off, by the way," I snapped.
"You think you’re the only one who left that place less than whole?" Maddox asked angrily.
"Don't!" I shouted as I turned my wheelchair around. "Don't give me some holier than thou shit about needing to live my life because I'm lucky to have it. And don't even try to pretend you know how I feel. You are afraid to ride in a car," I said snidely. "Big deal. How did it all work out for you, Maddox?”
I motioned to our surroundings. “You got everything you wanted anyway. Some talk therapy with a shrink and a great guy to love and you’re back on top. How am I supposed to come back from this?" I asked as I looked down at my missing legs. "You weren't a lifer, Maddox, but I was. All I ever wanted was to be a soldier. I didn't just fucking lose my legs over there! I lost my whole goddamn life!"
If Maddox said anything else to me, I didn't hear it because I chose not to. I ignored the rest of the men who were lingering in the kitchen and made my way to my room. I slammed the door shut behind me and tried to calm myself, but I was just too keyed up. Between the near miss with Sawyer and the fight with Maddox, I needed to blow off steam and I needed to do it fast.