The door opened slowly, and then Nash’s mother stuck her head in. “Is everyone dressed?” she asked cautiously.
“Yeah, Mom. Come on in,” he replied. I was really hoping she’d come bearing a plate full of some food. Pancakes would be great. She made some delicious pancakes.
Unfortunately, she was empty-handed. Damn. She seemed concerned and she looked from Nash to me. “Asa, I just got off the phone with your mother. She was checking on you and… she also wanted me to pray for your dad. He tested positive for Covid. He’s not bad, though. He has just lost his sense of taste and smell. She said he has a headache, too. Otherwise he’s fine.”
The only Covid cases in Lawton had been senior citizens in a nursing home. I wasn’t aware of any other cases of Covid among people that I knew. My parents hadn’t bothered to reach out to me once since I arrived back in Lawton. They didn’t call. They didn’t text. Yet, my mom could call Nash’s mom. I wondered what bullshit they’d told Nash’s parents as to why I was staying here. I had no doubt they would make me seem in the wrong. My dad would have weaved a believable lie that made him appear like the good guy. He was a master manipulator.
“Too bad,” I replied, not caring that my father had Covid but needing to say something. “Is he quarantining from my mother?” I asked then. I didn’t care about my dad’s health, but my mother’s was a different story. She didn’t need to be around him.
“She said she had him staying upstairs and she was staying downstairs. She’s leaving him food and drinks at the top of the stairs, and she’s wearing a mask in the house. He was exposed to it at work, so it wasn’t here in Lawton, thank God. Everyone in his office was tested. Three were positive. The rest are having to quarantine. Only one man is seriously ill. He’s in the hospital.”
It would be safer if she stayed somewhere else. Figures my father would make her wait on him while he should be locked up somewhere away from people. It was always about him. How he was affected. His needs. His wants. No one else mattered. I didn’t want to be like him, yet I feared becoming like my father every day. Did he realize how selfish he was? Would I know if I started to act like him?
I didn’t say any of this to Nash’s mother since I didn’t want to give her reason to believe the shit my parents had told her was true. “Thanks for letting me know,” I said instead. I wanted to check on my mom, and with my dad separated from her in the house, there was a good chance she’d answer my calls.
Nash’s mother smiled at me. Nash had great parents. I envied him that. “I’m going to church. They’re having services out on the lawn while the weather is nice. Not sure how long we will get to do this, so I want to go enjoy it while I can. Who knows if that second wave is coming or not,” she said with a wave of her hand. “We will be praying for your dad and everyone who tested positive at his office. I’ll make sure the pastor knows,” she assured me. “I’m making a pot roast and cornbread to leave on their front porch this afternoon. I’ll get the ladies at church to do the same. No need for your momma having to worry about cooking at a time like this.”
They needed to pray for my momma. That was who needed prayers. If there was a God, I doubted he gave a fuck about my father. I didn’t think God would care much for selfish assholes. Again, I didn’t say any of that. I just nodded and forced out a “Thanks.”
I could feel Nash’s eyes on me. He knew enough to know I was lying for his mother’s sake. He didn’t know how bad things had gotten that night. He didn’t know I’d stood on the bridge ready to end it. No one knew the details but Ezmita. That night had been my darkest hour. I’d never felt so helpless and pointless before or after. Would I ever know if Ezmita’s arrival had stopped me from jumping? I could honestly tell myself I wouldn’t have jumped and vice versa. All the years of abuse and pain had led me to that moment, and she had become a part of it without even realizing it.
Nash’s mom told us about the biscuits left warming in the oven and some fresh homemade strawberry jam she had in the fridge. Then she left. When the door closed behind her, I looked at Nash. I didn’t say anything.